There comes a time in life when I think many of us reflect on a quieter time in our lives. Possibly it is a quieter time we seek or desire. There is a very good reason why so many people love spending time fishing, hiking, alone in the woods. Many people do not understand how farmers and ranchers can live their lives out on the range, roaming fields with tractors living a lonely life. If one went and spoke to these people they would discover the solitude doesn't affect them, they long for it.
Over the course of several years I have sought off and on a career in photography. I have taken classes, practiced and obtained expensive photography equipment and learned how to use it correctly. All the while I have been seeking a career which would allow me to return to the country, to a more peaceful living.
During this rat race I have become exhausted. This only fuels me to want to get to the quiet even more than ever. Yet, the road ahead is not done, it is long to remains to be bumpy, full of curves and I'm sure some surprises. Is it possible for me to make it happen, I don't know. I find it interesting that a song called, "Fly" has recently been playing on the radio. It speaks of a girl with blue eyes who is going after her dream. It encourages to keep on climbing even though the road may shake, to keep reaching for the end of the limb, even if it may break.
I feel I am at a cross roads of letting a dream go. It breaks my heart. I feel like a failure, and there is a lot of fear pulsating through my veins. Things that mattered a year ago, don't matter anymore. To wake up in the country not being worried about the simple things that have been stressing me out would be nice. I want to have a simple life, one filled with joy, peace, love, and ideally a career. Preferably a career in photography and writing. I have learned over the years to go with the wind takes me, and be willing to adapt to change.
Right now I am tired and done with how things have been over the course of the past year and a half. It is time for a change, and to make the most of that change to incorporate the next step in my life.
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