LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 31...Trying New Things

Is there something that you have wanted to try, and yet continue to put off?  What is it that you have in mind which you would like to go and do?  Is it riding a motorcycle?  Maybe scuba diving?  Have you wanted to explore higher education and get your Bachelors, Masters or Doctorates degree?
What are you waiting for?  What is keeping you from going after what you want?
I encounter people who have this bucket list, some lists are longer than others, yet these lists have activities waiting to be tried.  Some put things off because of time, fear, or the thought that they cannot do it.
This year you should go and do whatever it is that lies in the depths of your heart.  Maybe it is a carriage ride, horseback riding, hiking a particular challenging trail, running a 5K?  Whatever it is that you have been wanting to do, go and do it.  Stop putting it off.  We can all come up with an endless list of excuses, however, stop delaying. 
We can find the time to accomplish our goals, but we choose not to do it.  We can take a few minutes each day a couple hours each week to work towards what we want, it is a conscious choice.  It is possible to save up for that dream vacation.  With anything else, it takes planning and probably a small sacrifice.  However, when you take the time to go and do what you want to do, there is a great reward at the end of that journey.  When you can finally say that you checked something off your bucket list there is an excitement which you can celebrate.

Don't be shy about stepping into the dance class, even if you are in your forties and everyone else is younger than you.  WHO CARES?  The only one who cares is that nagging voice in your head.  Yet, if a dance class is what you want to do, that voice will be diminished the first time you nail a pirouette!
Maybe you want to learn how to ice skate, play hockey, be better at playing pool or learn how to be a synchronized swimmer?  I cannot even begin to list all the things in which you may want to try or be.  Ask yourself, what is holding you back?  Whatever it is, find a way to overcome that obstacle and go enjoy yourself.  Because when you take the steps to check off those bucket list items, you will find confidence and empowerment.  Let's face it, we can all use a little more of that in our lives!

 I wanted to learn how to go caving-I joined the Nashville Grotto

 I wanted to learn how to scuba dive

 This is me with one of my Dive Master's who certified me

I grew up loving horses - and wanted to become a horse trainer.  Took the steps and had a successful freelance training program for many years.

 I love to go out hiking & exploring-some days I just get in the car & go

I love the ocean-& try to get on the coast somewhere as often as I can

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 30...Celebration

Today is my most dear, cherished and fun friend, Ernie's birthday.  She wanted to get together with a bunch of her friends and go out to celebrate.  Celebrate we did!  It was an amazing turn out of at least 26 people at the Mexican restaurant on 4th Avenue, Little Mexico Bar & Grill.  The entire staff was a lot of fun and perfectly attentive.

Looking around this very long table of individuals who had gathered all for the same purpose was exciting.  It was really quite incredible to have such a fun, perfectly rowdy, talkative crowd gathered.  There was not one single bad apple in the bunch to ruin anything.  Once we were finished at the Mexican restaurant, we headed to a very posh and swanky bar/restaurant and bowling alley also downtown.  I had never been to this very cool facility and it was packed on this lovely Friday night.  Even being full of customers, you didn't have to scream at the person next to you just to talk to them.
Walking from our cars into this building we had fun and playful banter as we crossed the parking lot.  It ended up being a fantastic Friday night as we celebrated with our friend.

Often we wait until there is "something worth celebrating" to go out and enjoy ourselves.  Why not take the time even at home to find something worth celebrating.  It doesn't have to be elaborate, it can be something simple to help us appreciate the gifts in our lives.  Go and finally open that bottle of wine you have been saving, enjoy the wedding china, stop putting off to tomorrow what you can finally do today.  Our lives are filled with people who care about us, and we cannot take all these "things" with us.  Don't delay, find that item that you have been savoring for a special occasion and go break it out and enjoy it!

 I just had to photo bomb this pic my friend Danny was taking :)

 Almost all of us...we spread into other tables

Denikka, LaCresha, birthday girl Ernie

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 29...Judgment

It is interesting to me how people will pass judgment on someone before they ask questions.  How is it possible we go through our lives looking at others and creating an opinion about them?  More importantly, why do we need to do it?  What is to be gained by passing thoughts onto others just because we "think" we know who they are or what they are about?
Ever discover you were wrong?

Here in Nashville, TN there is a newspaper, "The Contributor", it is a homeless paper.  I find it refreshing that an outlet has been created to allow those who are homeless to find employment.  Through the sales of the homeless paper, these individuals need to balance their money so they can buy more papers.  With their efforts to stand on street corners in the various weather, many have made their lives better.  Often these individuals are able to finally afford an apartment, buy groceries, some purchase bikes so they can get to work.  It is not uncommon to see them getting cleaned up, wearing nicer clothes, getting hair cuts.  This newspaper has assisted people who have fallen on hard times to get on their feet.  It breaks my heart to hear people say they refuse to buy one of these papers.  Yet, they will go to McDonalds and add to the billions served and paid into the corporate pockets of their executives.  I try to buy these papers whenever I am able as I like to support local, local people who are trying to do good with their lives.
What is quite unfortunate is the judgment which goes towards these good people.  People make a split second judgment towards someone they do not know.  They also do not take the time to get to know them.  We live this fast paced life and it is more beneficial to our personal satisfaction to place a quick judgment.  Than to take ten minutes to actually ask questions and to get to know someone.

I would like to challenge you to take the time to free yourself of judgment.  It takes practice.  It does not always come easy.  However, what you receive when you release yourself of the duty of judgment is a great reward.  You have this weight which is lifted from you.  There is a peace which will fall upon you.
It is not our place in this world to judge others.  Do not feel obliged to fill the responsibility of judging others when it is not your position in life.  Free yourself and reap the great reward of peace and joy.  Slow down for a few minutes in your life and get to know that person or people you have judged.  What you may find out is you had it wrong all along.  You may also find yourself with a better understanding of others, maybe even gain a new friend.

This photo is of my friend, DC.  He sell "The Contributor" in Nashville and can often be found near the Green Hills area.  He has this amazing spirit and no matter what, when he is able to be out selling his papers, you can feel his joy all around you.  I felt moved to meet this individual who makes me smile whenever I see him.  I stopped, brought him breakfast and took the time to get to know him.  What I discovered was a very spiritual person with a gentle soul and a broken heart. 
DC was not always homeless, he had a good life, a wife and a career as a truck driver.  A wreck caused by a drunk driver caused him to lose his CDL and the loss of his job with the company who would not stand behind him.  Even though the accident was ruled in his favor and stated it was not his fault, he no longer had a job.  His wife was sick with cancer when this occurred and all his money went into her medical bills. 
Unfortunately, his wife lost her battle with cancer and he found himself in a place he never imagined.  The Contributor is allowing him to pay rent and save up so he can get his license back.  DC misses being on the road and wants to get back behind the wheel.

I often wonder with great sadness how many people pass him on the street and place judgment on him.  This very kind, gentle and enthusiastic spirit of a human being.  I give great thanks to God for the blessing of my friend DC.  He has great energy and is working hard to get himself back on track to where he found the most joy, driving truck.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 28...Gratitude

Do you feel gratitude?  Do you give "thanks" for those things in our lives that serve as blessings?

Next time you are driving to work and you hit that red light just as it changes from yellow...give thanks!  God or the Universe may have just saved you from getting into a car accident.  We live such a rush, rush lifestyle, that we get upset when life forces us to stop.
What about the meals you had today?  Did you give thanks for the gift of that boring sandwich you packed for yourself?  No, it may not be exciting, but it is something which nourishes you and helps you get through your day.  It is a lot more than people in our own country have for their lunch.

Have you ever considered starting a gratitude journal?  It has been said it can change your life.  If you begin or end your day stating three to five things in which you are grateful for, it can alter how you live your life.  Maybe you feel you don't have much to give thanks for in life.  Possibly they seem simple: a place to live, the spouse or significant other in your life, a job, good friends, family, your health, the air you breathe.  Once you begin the process and go through a list of things to be grateful for, you may realize there are many things that you took for granted that deserve acknowledgement.

Here I will start you off:
Five things which I am grateful for in my life:
Family - I am grateful they are in good health.
Friends - I have been blessed by the most amazing people who have become my cherished friends.
Health - How fortunate I am to have the gift of good health!
Chickens - I have five sweet little hens, who bring me joy everyday.
Truck - Since I was 5 years old I dreamed of owning a truck, I am blessed to drive a Dodge Ram every day!

Give it a try.  With a little practice you may see how uplifting this new routine can be in your life.

Me and my friend-who is as close as a sister could get-Nicki & her horse Jazzy.

This friendship is one I will forever be grateful for in my life.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 27...Up and Coming

I have been given the blessing of the title of "The One To Watch" "An Up & Coming Photographer".  While these titles bring me incredible joy and excitement, it brings a level of stress and pressure.  I want to live up to this blessing.  Which means the hard work I have put into my photography, is getting noticed.  It also means I need to strive to take what I have done and push myself more to achieve greatness with my work.  Which ultimately, is what I am after anyway, but now there is this outside expectation.

Working out the other night my phone dinged at me.  It was a text that said;
"I SEE YOU!!!!" 
It was from one of the models I had worked with last year.  I looked around and I did not see her, I replied to the message and had a pleasant conversation with her.  I have gone from not knowing anyone in this town to being seen, recognized by people I don't remember meeting, and being watched.  This is something which is exciting and I am incredibly grateful as it is a blessing.  Behind it all is a pressure.  A pressure to make sure I act a certain and appropriate way in public and around people.  A pressure to watch what I say at all times.  A pressure of taking what I am doing and make something happen with it.
I have a level of gratitude that I have taken on this fitness challenge.  Because with all the eyes which are upon me, I feel a level of pressure I need to look my best while I try to do my best with my business.  I want to look good, feel good and have clothes which fit well when I wear them.
There is no way I can ever "thank" Miss E for allowing me to step in and becoming part of her team and collaborating on projects.  Working with her brings me up 100 notches on the photography belt.  I am taking in all she has to offer in lighting and posing, while striving to take my work to a more competitive level which will be respected.
Mostly, I am thankful and humbled by all those who believe in me.  I am in awe.  Often I can be found on my knees giving thanks to God for this amazing blessing.

With all the eyes on me, some waiting for me to fail, some lifting me up, others watching and waiting to see what I will do next and where my photography will take me.  I am eager and anxious to really make something of myself.  Failure is NOT an option!  I want to live up to the gracious and kind titles which have been placed upon me "Up & Coming Photographer" big shoes to fill. Hopefully the pressure will motivate me to prove myself and show everyone around me-I can do it-I did do it.  At the end of the day, I am doing this for myself.  This is my goal, my dream, I put in 11 hours into my business on Sunday.  It is what I want more than anything.  There will be great celebration when all the hard work, blood, sweat and tears have paid off.  It will simply mean more hard work awaits, however, it will also indicate that hard work pays off.

 

 

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 26...Bad Decisions

About a year and a half ago I went through a very painful and extremely difficult break up.  I had been advised by my family, friends and my lawyer (yes, I had to get a lawyer to get my boyfriend to leave me alone-after he ended it & I walked away) to get a restraining order on this individual.  I did not and often I regret it.

This lead to what seems like endless struggle and challenges to get on my feet and piece my life back together.  At one point and time I asked a friends husband who is quite insightful, "What is wrong with me?"
Thankfully, he was honest and replied, "nothing"
"There has to be something wrong with me"
"You don't make good decisions when it comes to men."

While this is insightful, it frightens and saddens me.  Of all the things which could possibly be wrong, here is something I don't know how to fix.  While I am content, at peace and happy being single, I can't help but wonder if I will ever find a man who will be in my life?  If I do, will he be kind, respectful, loving and supportive of me?   For several years there is a man who I have had interest in and a silent hope he and I would end up together.  A few weeks ago he posted on his Facebook page a photo of him and a woman together.  He looks very happy, and I do wish him the best.  Yesterday, while taking a break from working on my business I popped onto Facebook.  The first post in the newsfeed was this man announcing an official relationship with this woman.  My heart sank.  I want to be happy for him, this is what he wants in his life and I feel strongly this will be the woman that he marries.  Yet, I am sad, probably because as, yes, this is his time, I wonder when will it be mine?
Granted I am still trying to get my personal life together, finally up on my feet but not where I want to be yet.  So, I am probably not in the best condition to even be considering a relationship.  Then the voices in my head begin saying things like, "I should be strong enough and content enough to be on my own".  Along with things along the lines of "I am weak if that is what I want in my life" and "I'm not worthy".
Yet, in November friends and a couple family members brought into the conversation how I should not give up on love, "how I have so much to offer".  They continued saying I should not close myself off and be open to the idea of dating again.

I began a conversation with a man online.  I have only one bad cell phone pic of him, and he seems handsome, but I am not completely sure.  He isn't much of a conversationalist, but I really like talking to him.  He is a truck driver and early on Friday he told me he had been given a load which needed to go into Canada.  Which means he doesn't use his cell phone or tablet while being International, therefore, I won't be hearing from him.  I have missed talking to him, and I cannot help but wonder what is my bad decision grey area here?  If there is one at all?  Is he on my mind so much because he is the only one who I have felt drawn to since stepping into the idea of meeting someone?   Do I like him or have an interest in him because I have been watching the Bachelor, which is a bad idea for me, and now feel I need/want someone in my life?  Why do I miss talking to him so much?  I don't even know if I will ever meet this person.  Yet, there he is, and when a message shows up from him I find myself smiling.

Then there is this other man, who I would love to date, but I feel he is above my league.  I would love for him to be attracted to me, but knowing he is surrounded by young, thin, pretty girls, what chance to I have? 

I wish I could back track to when I didn't care, when I was hardened and free from thinking about this whole aspect of men.  If I cannot make good decisions when it comes to men, then part of me wishes I did not want to be with a man.  It would be ideal for me to just close off my heart and thoughts to it and free myself.  Then I wouldn't have to think about it, wonder, and repeatedly tell myself, "it isn't going to happen" so I can try and close the door on it.
Who would want to be with me anyway? 
Considering I don't want to be yelled at, verbally assaulted, physically abused, physically threatened and told repeatedly how I am a horrible person, then maybe it is for the best that I close off my heart.  Because taking that chance, that risk, is scary as hell.  I don't know if it is possible to find that someone who is gentle, kind, considerate, loving, romantic, respectful, thoughtful, supportive and would be proud to be with me.  I'm not much of anything.  I'm definitely not as pretty as I would like to be.  So, what shot do I even have to try and catch the eye of someone?  Especially, this one particular man who has my attention, who if given a chance I would treat like gold.  I'm not sure it is an option in my life.  Yes, time will tell, but my heart is heavy as it cannot take any more disappointment.  It would be nice if I could find that person, who hopefully would be good to me, and spend my life with them.
Maybe...just maybe...it is not in the cards for me.  As much as I would like it to be...my heart is sad, nervous and I am doubtful.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 25...Being Busy

It is amazing to me how January is almost gone.  I found in December that January was quickly filling up with activities, birthday parties and dinners.  Now, here it is and the first month of 2015 is almost over.
How do we find that balance between being too busy and being too relaxed?  When we find ourselves with children, a mortgage and all of life's responsibilities, 9:00 pm no longer seems early.  We tell ourselves we are getting old, which is not true.  We are not old until we are unable to care for ourselves and stuck on an oxygen tank.  The simple truth is we have taken on more responsibilities with only the same 24 hours in a day. 
I don't quite understand the women who wear themselves down and don't allow their husbands to help.  I see these husbands wanting to help, but because they don't do it "just right" or "how they would do it" they snap at them and say, "I will just do it myself".  There is a reason the saying came into play, "there are more than one way to skin a cat" now granted, I am not fond of the way this saying is stated.  But, what it is trying to indicate is-there are more than one way to do things, and just because it is not your way, does not mean it is not wrong.  Maybe it won't be perfect, but we need to find a way to accept the "not perfect" in our lives and allow others to come in and help us.
We all need to take a step back sometimes and delegate.  This is not easy for some, and those who do have more control issues in their lives this is a big struggle.  With practice, and consistency and patience it is possible, and then the load can be carried by more than one.  We find a peace in our lives once that storm comes to pass.

What in your life has you so busy?  Do you find yourself run down and tired from it?
Take a step back, re-evaluate what is being presented to you.  More than anything, be willing to take the steps to make the change to be less busy in your life.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 24...Medical Miranda

Last night was the second Saturday where I was interrupted by the medical version of Miranda Priestly.  I have only been working for her for seven months.  I think even Andrea Sachs was able to stick it out for a year.  I'm not sure I can do it.  When is enough, enough?

I was out with my friend Tabitha and her friends celebrating her birthday.  We had just arrived at the bowling alley when I got the text.  I was pissed, once again a low paying job is interrupting my personal life.  I am not at work, I am not on the clock and I cannot give the answers that she needs because I AM NOT THERE.
Today I decide I am not going to worry about her...so I say then, "ding" my phone goes off and it is her asking about the same chart which I still do not have answers regarding its location.
Thankfully, today I have been blessed to set up shop in my friends living room, which doubles as her studio. I have her little adjustable table, my laptop, iPad, Starbucks coffee, bottle of water, cell phone, and planner.  I respond to the text stating the same as last night, I add that I am assisting in a photo shoot with hopes she will leave me alone.  Tomorrow being Monday, is not something I am looking forward to due to the hell I will be facing.
However, today the goal is to be as productive as possible, before 2:30 pm today as I have been fortunate to be asked to join my friend Amber Jean for a dance and yoga class. 
A lot of energy is being put into a lot of large goals right now: fitness goal, photography, writing, runway show, and I am feeling very overwhelmed.  The last thing I need is this devil woman to be interrupting me on my day off.  She lacks boundaries and I am so sick and tired of dealing with people who lack boundaries.  It is incredibly disrespectful.   Yet, I use it to fuel my fire into my determination of making my life better, and to accomplish my dreams and goals.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 23...American Sniper

I went to see American Sniper this evening.  Initially I was hesitant to see this movie because I know a man named, Chris, who is in the military and he is a sniper.  This individual has a wife, and two children, and I have not seen or spoken to him for well over a year and a half.  Immediately I researched background information on the story of this person.  It was an amazing story about this man, who wanted to do something great for his country, and he did. 
Before I stepped into seeing the movie I had to really set myself up to separate the man who the story was about and my friend.  There were many parts of the trailer and photos which showed the actual Chris Kyle and the actor, who looked a lot alike, and also looked similar to the Chris I know.

The movie was amazing, and it was one of the very few movies where once it was over, the entire theatre was quiet.  Everyone sat in the black stillness in complete silence.  I do not believe that I was the only one with tears in the theatre.  After the movie I walked outside and it was snowing, I crossed the parking lot and burst into tears.  I felt sadness for this person and his family.  Mostly, the reality of how much I miss my family. 
It also got me thinking about a family friend, Matt.  Matt is like a brother to me, and he is one of my brothers friends.  Growing up, he was over all the time, and for a while he lived with us.  I don't remember the specific day he came home to tell us he was leaving for Dessert Storm, but I remember that time in my life.  I was panicked, it was the first time in my life someone I knew was leaving for war and I did not know if he would come back.  I did not know...if my brother, because as far as I am concerned Matt IS my brother, would come home.
To this day there is a braid in my hair, which I re-braid every two-three weeks.  I put this braid in my hair and while Matt was away I wore a yellow ribbon in it.  Once he returned home, I took the yellow ribbon out, but I kept the braid in my hair to remind myself every day there are men and women out there who are making great sacrifices to keep us safe.
Once I was in college I was bartending, and one day a man was sitting at my bar.  I could tell he had a lot going through his head.  He sat quietly with his drink, wearing his army jacket.  Finally, he began asking me questions like who I was, he knew me and I couldn't quite figure out who he was, when I asked, "How would I be affiliated with you?"  He scoffed and said something along the lines of "affiliated, are you a college girl or something?"  I replied and said I was in college when finally he said, "LaCresha, its your brother, Matt"  I felt awful that I did not recognize him.  Sadly, he never came back to that bar, at least not while I was working.

It takes a special kind of person who enters into the military.  Not everyone who goes in stays with it.  Even if they do stay with it, there are times when they are honorably discharged, and times when they are discharged without 'honor'.  It is a difficult job which takes you away from family and friends.  A person in the service faces things and has to be prepared for things we should not have to see or experience.  Then they return to what is referenced as "civilian life" and expect to be "normal".  When you are trained for combat you have to mentally and physically be prepared for a life which becomes a new normal.  I am grateful that PTSD is something which is now spoken about more openly.  It is nice to see an effort being made to assist soldiers find job placement once they step out of the realms of their service work.  Yet, sometimes I feel it is not enough for all they do and sacrifice for us.  We take it for granted, the safety on our streets, in our homes and with our families.

When I see a man or woman in uniform I want to go and thank them.  Yet, I hesitate because I feel I want to respect their space.  Maybe one day I will feel bold enough to take those steps and reach out to shake their hand to openly say, "thank you".
Until that day comes to pass, for those in our country and abroad, "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for all that you have done, endured and the sacrifices that you have chosen to make for the sake of our country.  I want you to know it is appreciated."

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 22...Planning

You cannot sit back and let life happen.  Well...you can...but in 20 years you will find that you allowed a whole lot of nothing to happen.

What is your dream? 
What is your goal?
What do you want for your life?

Whatever it is that your heart and soul desires, it is possible.  Yes, it will take a lot of work, effort, sacrifice, but it is possible.  I am a firm believer that anything is possible.  You just have to want it, and beyond that, you have to want to work for it!

That is the difficult part of the process, working for it.  Many feel things should be handed to them without the blood, sweat and tears.  That isn't how goals are achieved.  It is through hard work, dedication and planning.
You have to have a plan.  Without a plan, you fail.  Often we get so into our plan, we forget the next and very important step; do it.
Nike it had it right, "just do it" a logo which indicates getting off your behind and embracing the work which waits ahead.  You can research and plan, but without the action into the plan, it won't ever happen for you.

Figure out your goals.  Make a plan.  Take action.
Yes, you will make mistakes.  Yes, you will find that what you thought would work, did not work so well.  However, it is about being willing to adapt, make changes, and continue onward on your path.

What is it that your heart desires?  What did you to do today to make your dream a reality?

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 21...Dress Rehearsal

Life is not a dress rehearsal.  Yet, we live like it is every day.
Do you save your wedding china for a special occasion?  Maybe you don't dress up for your spouse or friends anymore when you go out.  Why not?  What are you waiting for?  Yes, it does take more effort to put on the mascara and dig out a slip to wear under a skirt.  Yet, when we take those extra steps don't you notice how much better you feel?  How much more confident you are?  Take those extra minutes to put on make up, wear the nice shoes we keep in the back of the closet and go show yourself off! 
You deserve it!
We deserver to feel and look beautiful!  We deserve to feel confident and do those things in which make us feel empowered.
Don't delay, don't wait until too much time has passed and we look back on "Oh I should have done more of..."  Don't put it off, enjoy life now and embrace all the good it can offer.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 20...Frustrations of Life

I look around my life and realize the depth of the sacrifices I am making for my career.  It has taken me to a job in which, even though I am blessed with being happy, I am not content any longer with where I am.  I hope this will continue to serve as my motivation to push myself to better my life with my photography and writing.

Yet, waking in a bunk bed which is braced and suspended from the ceiling, is not my ideal sleeping arrangement.  At least not in a daily sleeping routine, camping or traveling is an entire other thing.
I knew once I saw the space, being a lot smaller than I expected, it would not be ideal.  However, since my day job was closed for almost 2 weeks in December, my ability to pay the bills I need to pay have dwindled.  I cannot continue to live in this manner.  The plan to stay working part time in a doctors office was to get 30-35 hours a week, keep the budget tight and use the extra time to put into my business.
However, when I am only getting 16 - 29 hours a week, things change.  Considering I work for the medical version of Miranda Priestly, I ask myself...when is enough, enough?

I was surprised when I found I enjoyed the work in this particular office.  I absolutely love and adore the woman I work with, Theresa, however, the person who signs my check can be a bully and be cruel.  As I have been glad to get into the groove of working into an office so I can make money.  It has been the past two months which have really taken me into a depth of reconsidering my current plan. 
I am grateful to have a job, but should we have to face the work we do with a boss who is unstable, cruel and makes you feel like you need to walk on egg shells?  I hope not...so this past weekend I applied for some office positions with the hopes that in the next three weeks I can be moving into a new position which will pay better.

This is not quite the plan I had hoped for - I wanted to leave from this doctors office into my business full time.  But, being in a place that sucks my creative soul dry is not working for me anymore.  I am drained at the end of my day after I work out and return to get productive, I am finding I am not productive at all.  I am not inspired in this space, instead I am frustrated.
Thankfully, my amazing friend Miss E has allowed me to step into her space, which is uplifting and inspires me, to work today.  I am looking forward to approaching her in the future to stop by and work in her living room as my office.
If nothing else there is a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of a blessing from a friend.  Along with the hope of a better paying job which will help uplift me financially.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 19...Taking Life for Granted

This week I found out two of my friends have had people in their lives pass away due to cancer.  It is tragic, it is heartbreaking, and it straight up sucks.
One individual's friend found out at Christmas time he had testicular cancer.  He knew there was some sort of issue, but his pride got in the way from getting checked out earlier.  This had the potential to be treated and cured and because of pride...he is no longer on this earth.  He left behind a wife and four children.
My friend who is telling me this information is handling the news as well as can be expected.  He is distraught, he is sad, and during this time of processing he is re-evaluating his life.
Less time in front of the computer, more time with my kids and wife...are verses which are coming through in his e-mail.
We often forget in this rapidly increasing fast paced world about the daily aspects which we take for granted.
With what I have experienced over the past 16 months, I have come to deeply appreciate sleeping in a bed, taking a hot shower, a good meal.  I always give thanks for my food as I know there are many people in this world who are not able to have decent meals in their lives.  After a hard days work training horses or working on the farm growing up, a hot shower always felt great.  But, until you have to work to find one and actually get to relax in one, your level of gratitude alters.  How many of us hate doing laundry.  We don't understand what it is like to go without clean clothes.  We just know the frustration of the chore, and take for granted the fresh smelling, clean clothes we pull from the dryer and roll our eyes at folding and putting away.
I have taken on a personal challenge, which I have done many, many times in the past.  There is a daily read book, which I want to pick up every day and read the days passage.  Every single time I have attempted to do this, I have dropped the ball.  I have never read this book in its entirety.  Hopefully this year will be different.
While going through a passage from several days ago referenced taking our life for granted.
"Simple Abundance-A Daybook of Comfort and Joy" by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth-and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up-that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had."  -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
This days passage references a play called, "Our Town" which I recall seeing in college as a high school production and I was impressed by the content of its message.  Thornton Wilder's play is based in a small town, where a young woman dies during childbirth.  She comes back as a ghost and realizes all which she took for granted.  Breathnach writes..."Eventually her visit is too much for her to bear.  "I didn't realize", she confesses mournfully, "all that was going on and we never noticed..."

When will the day come in your life that we cannot afford to throw away one single "unimportant" day and not notice the wonder of it all?  We need to have the willingness to explore, discover and appreciate those special moments of our lives and which brings us joy every day.

Do you have a husband?  Give him a hug and tell him you love him today.  There are good women who would love to have a husband in their lives.  Do you take him for granted that he is there?

Do you have a house, that you own?  There are people in this world who are working extremely hard at just trying to pay the rent who dream of owning their own home.  What came relatively easy for you to purchase and own your own home, seems out of reach of others.

Do you have a job you enjoy or pays really well?  Put in a little extra effort into your job and be appreciative of that gift.  There are people with college degrees struggling to find work.  There are people with 20 plus years of experience who hate their job and don't know how to find the time to seek something else.

Do you have food in your refrigerator?  Give thanks for the abundance which resides in that cold tall box in the kitchen.  Many people in our country, would love to have such a wonderful thing in their life.

Give thanks for those little things you don't usually think twice about in your life.  Your health is taken for granted until it is dwindling.  The daily routine in our lives, the coffee, the wine, the friends, enjoy, take a moment to step back and give thanks for one thing.  You may be fortunate and blessed to realize you have an endless things to give thanks and be grateful for in your life.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 18...Lift Up Don't Tear Down

Today I am in a funk.  I should be thrilled!  I have three photo shoots in one day.  Granted only one is a paid shoot, but the other two are with the Music City Youth Orchestra which is a fabulous organization which I love to volunteer.
But, after last nights episode of my boss going off on me (I still have a day job working in a doctors office) I can't even think.  She really effected my pyschie and I am off my game.  Today is not the day I need to be off.  This client is going to need a lot of coaching with the posing and infused with confidence.  I'm not there and I am frustrated.

What right does a person have to treat another person so poorly that they make them feel less of themselves?  I have had people in my life who have pulled this shit and felt that it was acceptable!
NO!  A roommate in college felt better about herself when she was putting down others.  I got to be on the chopping block of her behavior.
My ex was a verbally and physically abusive person and I put up with his crap for way too long.
Now I have a boss who is really a horrible, wicked bitch, but unfortunately, has the medical knowledge to somehow help people.  I have been told by my co-worker that this woman treats me worse than she ever treated my co-worker.  How is this ok?

I did what I could to focus, but I did not do well in my shoot.  Thankfully the fabulous Miss E was there to save me from myself and the shoot went very well.
The rehearsal of MCYO allowed me to start to re-focus.  By the time the performance came around I was almost myself.

This is why with my photography, I try to empower others.  We are in this together, we should lift each other up, not tear one another down.  Life is difficult enough.
Give thanks.  Be appreciative.  Bless those around you and praise God.
That is how I believe we should walk down the path of our lives.  With grace, consideration, kindness and love towards others. That does not mean we lie down and be a doormat, but we should be kind before being cruel.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 17...A Rude Awakening

Today was a day which I was able to wake up and not have to rush off to anything.  A day I have not had in quite some time.  Tomorrow I will be waking up early again so I am taking advantage of it.  Yet, my chickens need to be fed, so I am up and heading out to see them.

I took the advantage of today to work on things with leisure.  Eventually it was time to head over to my friend's house, Jody, who was having me over for dinner.  My boss, who I was friends with before she was my boss, was also coming over along with Ted.  Jody and I were equally bummed as we wanted to eat in peace and quietly sit on our own individual couches in the living room and watch tv in silence.  A casual routine which I enjoy, he gets to watch tv and not be bothered, I get to hang out on a couch and relax.
Dinner was fine and the two guests left on their own.  Some how I had pissed off my boss who called Jody's house phone.  He missed the call, and then my cell phone rang.  I thought she was trying to get a hold of Jody so I put her on speaker.  To both of our surprise she began to scream at me about how disrespectful I was to her and how it won't happen anymore and how she is tired of it.  How patients don't like me and tell her things that I am saying about her.  I am stunned not just by her tone, but the lies.  Jody has a look of shock on his face, and he tries to speak over her to let her know she is on speaker phone.  He then tells me to hang up.  I tell him if I do, it will only get worse for me later.  I proceed to apologize to her and remind her we were in a social setting and I meant no disrespect.  It didn't matter, it fell on deaf ears and she told me how we would talk about it next week-then she hung up.
Jody was pissed and shocked saying he had never heard her speak to anyone like that before and sincerely apologized for getting me tied up with her.  He said she is fortunate she did not speak to me like that while she was at the house as he would have not allowed it.  He said no one had the right to speak to anyone like that, and didn't have the right to speak to one of his friends that way.
Jody tried to call Ted, but his phone was off (he was one of the evenings guests) then he called Jane which the call went straight to voicemail.

I'm not sure what to expect for work next week...but being it is late on a Saturday night...I am not looking forward to it.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 16...Lindsay

I am incredibly grateful and thankful for God bringing Lindsay into my life.  She has this incredible spirit, energy and willingness to share her writing knowledge with me.  How I have become so fortunate for this blessing, I will never know, but I will always be thankful!
Our meeting went a few minutes later than we expected, and my boss was calling on my way to the office to lay into me about my cell phone use.  Which, I was only on my cell phone to do work for her office since we are not allowed to have internet on our computers.
Regardless, the meeting with Lindsay went incredibly well.  She shared a wealth of knowledge with me, and I feel much more well prepared for what I need to do to get started on my writing journey.
She was very valuable in getting me narrowed down in my writing interests and pursuits.  Now, to do the work and see where it will lead for me.

I have homework from our session and a lot of work to do...I'm excited, anxious, and feel worn out already from the work which awaits for me.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 15...MCYO

Tonight I was suppose to workout with one of the gals from the fitness challenge.  Then I remembered I have an Advisory Board Meeting with the Music City Youth Orchestra.  This is an organization which I have volunteered with for several years now.  I am absolutely in love with what this group offers for the community and students who are interested and passionate about string instruments.
Music is so important in our lives.  Rarely have I met someone who does not like music.  Majority of us love music, listen, appreciate and relate to music.  All of us have a song which when we hear it takes us to a place, a moment in our time.  There are songs which take me back to when I was a young girl on my parents farm where my memory of being in the barn with the cows rings clear.  Songs which take me back to when I was a delivery driver for Pizza Hut.  Songs which take me back to when I was walking around or riding at rodeo grounds and horse shows. 
I can always tell when I am completely stressed out or deeply sad because the radio gets turned off.  When I am experiencing that level of stress any kind of stimulation usually gets eliminated.
Of all the things on the radio I enjoy listening to is NPR.  After my break up I couldn't even listen to that station, the memories that would flow were too strong for me to handle.  I still have reflections of where I once was, and what I was doing when the "All Things Considered" music comes on, the Saturday and Sunday morning shows air.  I keep hoping I will be able to have this station play in my own studio as I create new memories for these sound bytes and shows...only time will tell.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...Page 14...Another Day

Theresa left for vacation today.  We have concocted a story to emphasize that Theresa does not have cell phone signal with hopes the doctor will leave her alone.  Unfortunately, with her leaving has caused her a deep sense of anxiety.  The doctor has been on her ass badly the past two days.  It has been quite ridiculous to listen to how poorly she has been treating Theresa.  The other unfortunate aspect is, my buffer is gone and it is me and the unmedicated beast.

After work I went and worked out again.  This time it was only two hours, which is still a bit long, but better than three hours.  Since I am not allowed in the house after 11pm, I am using these late night work out sessions to take advantage of the showers at the gym.  It isn't ideal, and this is not how I want to live my life, but I pray it is temporary.
This living arrangement I have found myself in...there are no words to really describe it.  I cannot quite figure out the odor which resides in the air.  I have went and gotten some incense to help cut the ick of the odor.  At least I am in a safe neighborhood, and have a small loveseat for a couch.  But, it is not the same compared to that beautiful studio apartment in Green Hills.  I cannot help but wonder what that short three month stay in meant for me in my life.  I am hoping having a nice studio apartment with a lovely landscaped backyard was an indication of good things which are yet to come in my life.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...Page 13...Decisions

I am getting overwhelmed, I have taken on this fitness challenge.  I thought we would be at the gym maybe an hour...I think we were there for three hours.  As much as I want to take on this challenge, I don't have the time to work out for three hours.  Hopefully this is just the beginning of the challenge where there is high energy and enthusiasm, and it will settle down after a couple of weeks.

This Friday I meet with my writing mentor and I am frustrated as the binder I have put together is at the house where I was house sitting in December.  I would really like to have it with me when I meet with my mentor.  Since I do not I want to focus on what I hope we can cover, I think it will be the process to submit articles and stories.  Once I can get this information, I am hoping I can at least begin the process and steps of getting published.
I believe another aspect of our meeting Friday will be narrowing down my writing subjects.  Unfortunately, I have a lot of interests and varied experiences.  Some of the subjects that I am interested in possibly writing about are: farming, horses, music, dance, photography, travel, home interior, (not even sure where that comes from), local fashion, models, designers and boutiques. 

Along with preparing for my meeting Friday, I am also needing to prepare for my photoshoot on Sunday.  This is a paid shoot, which is always a good thing.  It is for headshots, and I am a little nervous as the client is a little heavier than what I am use to shooting.  So, I need to be on my A-game for posing and making sure she looks her best.  Thank you, God for allowing Caitlin to be doing the make-up and Miss E for allowing me to use her studio/apartment and assistance.  I know it will be a good shoot and I believe things will go well.  I am probably putting more pressure on me than I need to, however, this needs to go well.  This is one of 50 photo sessions I need/want to book this year.  If this goes well, and the client is pleased, it is step one of the hope of "word of mouth marketing".  I don't know who she knows, but the manner she will be using the images has potential of a lot of exposure.  If she is pleased with the work, then she will speak well of me. 
If I can get 50 sessions booked this year, then it will show that I am doing something right which will help me do 100 sessions in 2016.  Not an easy task, but to be able to work for myself, it will be all worth it.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...Page 12...Budget and Stress

It is January 12, and this is page 12 of 365 which I am writing for a project for 2015.
This Monday I am looking at my budget and feeling quite stressed.  Having the doctors office closed almost two weeks in December has really causing me some issues.  I am in serious debate of searching for another job.  Unfortunately, finding another job quickly is not something that comes easy for anyone anymore.  The other aspect is Theresa, I truly love working with her.  I have been hoping my photography business would be able to pick up enough so I could leave this particular position and go straight into running my business. 
The biggest concern I have with this job along with making the least I have made in ten years, is the abusive behavior my boss displays.  She can be absolutely awful and lacks all aspects of boundaries.  I have been told she treats me worse than she has ever treated Theresa.

I'm on the fence as to what to do.  Yes, there are such awful moments that all Theresa and I can do is state how we are living The Devil Wears Prada.  Yet, there is something special when you find that person you work really well with and enjoy.  Plus, I don't want to leave her to return to dealing with everything on her own again like she did for so many years.
I guess maybe my loyalty is a drawback in some cases.

Today is the first day of a fitness challenge I have offered to two of my friends.  I joined the local gym down the street from me.  One of the gals who took up the fitness challenge joined me to work out.  The other one has to work this week and will get started with me next week. 
Since recently I have discovered I have lost 30 lbs, I want to really put in the effort to get in the right direction of my health.  I am hoping to realistically lose close to another 30 lbs this year.  I am hoping to lose 10 lbs by March.  The runway show has been re-scheduled and I would like to look as good as I possibly can for the event.
Now to make the event happen...

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...Page 11 - Go! Pack! Go!

Go! Pack! Go!
I woke up this morning exhausted.  Even though I was completely worn out yesterday, I stayed up way too late.  Between needing a shower, moving slow, setting up where I was going to sleep, it was later than I had wanted it to be.  I woke up before my alarm went off and immediately I began to worry I was going to be late.  Today was the Packer game and I wanted to get a good seat at the bar.  After I got up and moving and on my way to feed the chickies I was really watching the time.
Once the chickens were fed I thought about the cave trip yesterday, how many calories I had burned and sitting, eating bad bar food was not going to help me achieve my new weight loss goal.

While at Emily's yesterday I was changing into my caving clothes and saw a scale on her bathroom floor.  It looked reliable, and I stepped on it telling myself no matter what-if it was bad I was at least taking steps to go out and work out today.  I could not believe my eyes...what that scale read, told me I had over the past year lost 30 pounds.  With me at this weight, I am now only 30 lbs away from my goal weight.  This is doable, I may not lose all 30 in the next 12 months, but I can sure try and see what I can do!
So, instead of eating bar food, I turned the truck around and headed to O'Charley's.  There I can have a beer and eat a salad while watching the game.  That was exactly what I did, my friends came and went as their day permitted.  I thought it was really cool of them to come and hang out with me.
After the game, Packers won by the way, (good job Green Bay!) I went and unloaded some things from my truck into my dinky space I am renting.  Not wanting to sit still I then wandered Target, not needing anything but just looking.  I wanted to go out for a walk on the greenway, but it was too cold for me to want to be outside that long.  I day dreamed as I walked through the housing items, wondering what I would want to choose for my house one day.
Once my browsing was content I left for my space, I am calling it Sycamore Step, as I hope the next place I live will be an apartment complex called Sycamore.  While trying to figure out what to do and exhaustion creeping in so strong I can't think straight my friend Ernie calls.  We agree to meet in about 30 minutes to hang out.  While we were hanging out I mentioned a fitness goal I have set with my friend Tabitha.  We are going to try and work out three times a week.  Ernie also wants to get in better shape and she got on board with our fitness challenge.  It starts this week and I am looking forward to take on this action to get in better shape.  I would love to be skinny again, feel good in my clothes instead of trying to find ways to hide in them.

Onward and upward working towards accomplishing the next set of goals in my docket.
Business career - photography
Writing career
Fitness and good health
Big steps...but taking them step by step, bit by bit...something good has got to come from it.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...Page 10 - Underground Therapy

Underground Therapy
For four years I was told how I would not, could not be able to handle a passage in a cave in Alabama, TR.  The passage is called Suicide Crawl and beyond that is an awesome formation on top of Mt Olympus.  Today-I proved that person wrong.
I knew I could do it, mainly because nothing was going to keep me from doing it.  Want to see me do something?  Tell me I can't.  It will stir up a fire within me that is so strong that my determination will exceed anything and propel me forward to do it.
Once we were through the Suicide Crawl my friend Emily turned to me and said, "You just did Suicide Crawl, by the way"  I was stunned, and replied, "We did, that was nothing!"
I couldn't believe it, I kept thinking while we were crawling the tough part was still coming up.  When we got out of the crawl, which I was told would be a much longer passage, I thought this difficult crawl was still ahead.  At the large climb at the end of our trip I was surprised that it was less difficult than which I was again told.  Once at the top I was proud of myself for doing something I had been told endlessly I could not do.

We were underground longer than expected, so we didn't end up going for Mexican like we usually do.  Emily and I had a great conversation to and from the cave.  Once we were back at her place I dropped my gear at my truck, started it so it would war up and went up to the house so I could stretch a bit.  I went inside, had a beer, played with her doggy and had great conversation with my friend.  After 30 minutes inside I realized my truck was still running, 30 minutes after that we were still chatting.  Finally I was heading down the road to stay the night at my friend Ernie's apartment.

It is nice to have goals, then work towards them.  What is even better, is how you feel after you accomplish that goal.  There is a pride, a satisfaction, an inner reward that no one can ever take away from you.  This cave trip was something I have wanted to do for quite some time.  Knowing that this was a sporty cave with a passage that was deemed difficult to impossible, and to scale it, crawl through it and check it off my list of "to-do's" feels great!
Dream...Believe...Achieve.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...Page 9 - Exhaustion

Exhaustion.
I am exhausted, absolutely positively, down to being cranky, exhausted.  For 15 months I have been endlessly fighting and struggling to get ahead.  I was put into a situation which completely blind sided me. 
Since December of 2013 I put my mind to working towards my professional career goal of starting my own business.  It was also during this time I decided I wanted to get back into shape, and get down to the size I was when I moved to Nashville.  Determination was in full power and I also took on coordinating workshops, and a huge photo project called, "Goddesses Against Cancer".

I think the average person takes on one goal at a time.  Traditionally, for most, it is to take on a fitness goal, a change of how one eats.  Apparently, I am not in that realm of individuals.  I took on major goals all at once: finally putting the full attention effort into starting my photography business, taking on the major task of coordinating photography workshops, started a podcast, creating websites for all of these things, a photo project Goddesses Against Cancer, which turned into a fundraising effort with a runway show and a calendar.  I also took on pursuing my writing and taking it more seriously than before.
Along with all of this I was searching for a job, found a job, and living in a really shitty place.  After the air conditioner went out I moved out-and ended not exactly having a place to live.  I found a place to live to find out it had mold and it was making me incredibly ill.  Back to not having a place to live...and having to cancel the runway show.
I then was fortunate to find an amazing place thanks to friends who had a house they were not living in, but owned in Green Hills.  All along, I am working myself into exhaustion, yet my determination has not dwindled, but prayer has increased.
I am finally re-doing the runway show, getting refocuses on the calendar and Goddess Project.  I am longing for the day when things begin to fall into place a little better.  I continue to make financial sacrifices so I can invest in my business, which would be easier if I had not lost so many hours at my part time job in December.  During this time I also found out I had to move out of my apartment in less than 3 weeks.
During this past week I wrapped up a two week house sitting job, found out my new roommate wouldn't let me move in as expected.  Received some help finding a place to live, discovered I couldn't move into this place due to it being so cold outside. I have been sleeping on my friends floor, wishing my life would come together and finally make some damn sense.
I'm frustrated, I'm exhausted, I'm getting to where I am distracted, I can't think...I wonder what is wrong with me and why can't I get it together?
On top of all of this, the man I am absolutely crazy about, who I try not to think about...is what I think about...  I don't think he likes me, but...I really wish he did...guess time will tell.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...Page 8 - 8th of January

The 8th of January -
Narrative by Jimmy Driftwood: "After the Battle of New Orleans, which Andrew Jackson won on January the 8th eighteen and fifteen, the boys played the fiddle again that night, only they changed the name of it from the battle of a place in Ireland to the Eighth of January. Years passed and in about nineteen and forty-five an Arkansas school teacher slowed the tune down and put words to it and that song is The Battle Of New Orleans and I will try to sing it for you." (*Note -- two minor revisions were made for classroom use).
Jimmy Driftwood was a high school principal and history teacher who loved to sing, play instruments and write songs. Mr. Driftwood wrote many songs, all for the sole purpose of helping his students learn about this battle and other historical events. But this song turned out to be so popular that it won the 1959 Grammy Award for Song Of The Year (awarded in 1960 for musical accomplishments in 1959). Johnny Horton also won the 1959 Grammy Award for Best Country And Western Performance for his recording of this song. "The Battle of New Orleans," is about a battle in the War of 1812, and it became one of the biggest selling hits of 1959. Students might also be interested to know that there is a movie called "The Buccaneer" about the Battle of New Orleans. It is interesting to reflect on the fact that despite the turbulant early relationship between England and the American colonists, our two countries have long since been strongly united. The words were written to correspond with an old fiddle tune called "The 8th of January," which is the date of the famous "Battle of New Orleans."

Music and lyrics by Jimmy Driftwood
Well, in eighteen and fourteen we took a little trip
along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip.
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans,
And we caught the bloody British near the town of New Orleans.
We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin'
down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

Well, I see'd Mars Jackson walkin down the street
talkin' to a pirate by the name of Jean Lafitte (pronounced "Zhahn La-feet")
He gave Jean a drink that he brung from Tennessee
and the pirate said he'd help us drive the British in the sea.

The French said Andrew, you'd better run,
for Packingham's a comin' with a bullet in his gun.
Old Hickory said he didn't give a dang,
he's gonna whip the britches off of Colonel Packingham.

We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin'
down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

Well, we looked down the river and we see'd the British come,
and there must have been a hundred of 'em beatin' on the drum.
They stepped so high and they made their bugles ring
while we stood by our cotton bales and didn't say a thing.

Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise
if we didn't fire a musket til we looked 'em in the eyes.
We held our fire til we see'd their faces well,
then we opened up with squirrel guns and really gave a yell.

We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin'
down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

Well, we fired our cannon til the barrel melted down,
so we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round.
We filled his head with cannon balls and powdered his behind,
and when they tetched the powder off, the gator lost his mind.

We'll march back home but we'll never be content
till we make Old Hickory the people's President.
And every time we think about the bacon and the beans,
we'll think about the fun we had way down in New Orleans.

We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin,
But there wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin'
down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

Well, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast the hounds couldn't catch 'em
down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
But there wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin'
down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/games/songs/patriotic/battleofmp3.htm


Just as I was typing the date above, the song came to mind.  I decided to do a little research on the lyrics and history of the song. 
I love playing my fiddle, and it makes me sad I don't get to practice it as frequently as I would like to be able to play it.  Signing my lease and handing over my rent check tonight, which unfortunately even with the advance from my boss will bounce.  I was informed the space heaters cannot run while I am not there.  She is paranoid that they will over heat, fall down, etc and start the place on fire.  This means my instruments won't be able to be in the space with me.  It also means my camera gear and laptop which I do my business won't be able to stay there either.  This means extra work for me hauling in and out heavy bags every day to and from work.  I hope over the next six months I can get my finances together so I can stop being such a pathetic loser. 
Embarking on taking on my dreams and goals so big they scare me.  From what I read and hear, I am on the right track, I sure freaking hope so.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses on...Page 7 - Gift of Laughter

The Gift of Laughter
Today is HUMP day!!  I am in love with the camel commercial where the camels are at the zoo and all the guests at the zoo are walking by their exhibit going "Mike, Mike, Mike"  "Guess what day it is?"  "It's Huuuummmp daaaaay"!  Then the two camels turn to each other and one says,
"It isn't even Wednesday"
and the other camel replies, "Just let it go, Phil"

Thankfully work went much better today than on Monday.  Theresa is this amazing woman which I work with, even though technically I work for her.  We have a great partnership and working relationship and I truly cherish her as a friend!  Often she will ask me to take care of something and it will already be done.
We have paired up with a drug rep who comes in to see the doctor for her company.  The three of us are like peas in a pod.  There is a running joke that the three of us should work for the CIA.  I even had a dream that we were secret agents.  My dream took us into a cave and the two of them looked at me like I was crazy and said I would be going in alone.  The entrance had a really cool old wooden door, I went in and got the information we needed.  When I returned, all that was left was a sack that one of them was carrying.  I went after them trying to find them, knowing with them gone they were in trouble.  I asked locals if they had seen them and was continuously pointed in the direction of the river.  I scaled a brick wall to get to the river bed, crossed the river, climbed up a pillar and as I got onto the deck I ran into someone who had information about them, and did not want me there.  I was able to get info from him, and escaped back down the pillar and continued down the river to find them. 

Today was filled with a lot of catching up, stupid phone calls and fun texting banter between Theresa, Lindsay and I...although, Lindsay had to catch up late due to a conference she was attending in Lexington. 
At one point of the day a patient called in feeling sick because she was taking her medicine incorrectly.  Instead of taking one pill, she was taking two and did not understand why she did not feel well.
I relayed this message to Theresa, and when we saw the doctor she told the doctor about it.  As she was talking I handed the phone message to Theresa to pass along during the conversation.  Our response was priceless,
"Geeeeeeezzzus, does anyone not understand to talk to your doctor before you make changes to how you take your medicine?  They have my fucking cell phone number for a reason".
Theresa and I both busted out laughing, how can you resist a response like that from a medical professional.  I love it when the doctor I work for is absolutely real.

One of our reps who comes in has been nicknamed "Ken" because along with being tall, fit, handsome his hair is absolutely perfect and always in place.  He has a good sense of humor and he knows everyone in the business.  He is absolutely professional, and yet slides in his fantastic personality and wit into the mix.  We love picking on him, and he takes it all in stride.
This week he showed up with a little bit of a beard, Theresa began to call him, "Shave and Go Ken" This is now his new name.  While he was standing at the window in front of my desk I took a quick photo of him to send to Lindsay and let her know he had come for a visit. 
This banter began a joke about how Shave in Go Ken has a yoga side, and I found some silly photos of a Ken doll online that represented a yogie Ken.  Then I moved it up to skiing Ken, which then started photos of skiing Skipper.  Skipper is Lindsay's nickname because she has known Ken her entire life and grew up with his family.  Lindsay also got nicknamed Skipper because at first she was Barbie, but that wasn't the appropriate combination for her and Ken.  They are not married to one another, just very good childhood friends who give each other hell all the time.  They know one anothers families, wives, kids, etc.  I found a photo of Skipper skiing, and attached that into our text conversation.  Some how Theresa took the photo I had taken of Ken, put a background on it and attached, "Oohhhhhmmmmm" which was a comment I had made about Ken in one of the yoga photos.  It was absolutely unexpected and the moment I saw it I lost it.  I was laughing so hard I fell out of the chair and onto the floor.  I continued to laugh until I could not breathe.
Considering a little over a year ago I didn't think I would ever laugh again or even have anything worth laughing about-laughing is a gift to me.  Laughing this hard was the most awesome blessing I could ever experience.  Who gets the opportunity to laugh this hard in life?!?  I finally picked myself up off the floor, still laughing to see a photo Theresa had sent to our trio conversation of me on the floor laughing.  This began the laughter all over again-at least seated this time.
It is moments like these I give thanks, thanks to be able to work with someone who is so awesome and I absolutely adore.  Who is cool with me laying on the floor laughing and who can make me laugh.  Yet, we get our work done, we are on task, and do our jobs.  It is so fantastic to work with someone I really truly enjoy!

After work I went to the chickens to give them some straw.  It is to get down to 4 degrees tonight.  I took two arm fulls of straw to them and put it in their hen house.  I am really, really glad, there was very little straw left in there from today.  They love, love, love to play around and scratch in the straw.  In their original hen house it was not a big deal as they had all the room in the world and I could put several slabs of straw in their hen house and it would stay in there because they had all sorts of room.  In this hen house their space is limited, as they play and scratch in the straw it can easily get kicked out.  I piled straw in front of their little door to help break the cold and piled the straw underneath them and over them.  They clucked and cooed at me.  I try not to disturb them once they are in for the night, especially in this smaller hen house.  But, on nights like these I just have to make sure they are ok.  I already worry about their feet, legs and combs freezing or getting frost bite.  At least during the day they can move around and try to stay warm.  At night it becomes a different story.
Tonight I am back at my friends apartment, I am hoping the apartment I will be renting will be ready for me to stay in tomorrow night.  It will be freaking cold out there-but I guess that is why we layer up.  Unfortunately, majority of my layers are in storage.  Yippee.  I was hoping for more space in this new place so I could get some things out of storage, but that isn't looking too good.  I think I will be investing in a folding table so I can use it for photo shoots and as part of my office.  I would rather not get two-but-it may be the better way to go when it comes to needing the table for a shoot and it has all my office stuff layed out on it. 
After work my main priority was my chickies.  I needed to get them their straw.  Once they were safe and taken care of I headed to find something to eat.  I was starving and debated on skipping out on eating at all.  But, I dug into my financial reserves, which are dwindling and bought a burger and fries from my most favorite burger place in Nashville.  I then dashed to Miss E's place, she left the door unlocked for me and I needed to be there before 7 as the front sliding doors locked at 7.  I pulled in at 6:54pm and rushed to pull out my brief bag with my laptops, my purse, my food, the egg that I found in the hen house this morning and my pillow which the pillow case is stuffed with all the things I need.  I loaded myself up to a point where I began to feel numbness and pain in my left arm due to all the weight on my shoulder.  I got to the second set of glass doors and it didn't open for a couple of seconds.  I started to feel my anxiousness go into panic.  Then the doors slid open, aha!  I had made it just in time.  I get to the 5th floor after a nice conversation with a resident in the complex and as I got to her door and opened it her son gave me quite the look.  He was sitting on the couch eating Oreos and apparently she forgot to tell him I was coming over.  Thankfully, we had met before, I introduced myself to make sure he knew my name and I told him his Mom said I could come in.  I asked him if she had told him, he said she hadn't, but maybe she had and he forgot.  I sent her a text to let her know I freaked him out.  After a few minutes of getting settled I finally got to sit down in their very comfy chaise, and eat my dinner.  With a watchful eye from their dog Widget I ate my yummy burger and fries. 
I flipped through the magazine I found in my brief bag and ripped out pages of some ideas for my studio and house one day.  Once Miss E was home I showed them to her and she liked what I picked out. 
I visualized it on the top of the hill where I long for my house, chickens and photo studio to reside.  Hopefully...one day...it will all come together, and instead of dreaming and visualizing, I will be working with the construction crew as they build my house and studio.  I would like to build my chickens hen house, I enjoy that kind of thing.  There is something to where you can step back from a project and say, "yes, I did that"
Chasing dreams and working towards goals...isn't that what it is about?  Finding that passion, that spark, that desire in your heart and going after it?  It is what I try to do every day.  Hopefully throughout this year we will see some positive changes and progress towards these goals becoming a reality!

This is me, laying on the floor today in hysterics!  Thank you to Theresa for making my day & being a part of my life!  For someone who never thought she would laugh again-a small moment of laughter like this is a blessing.

LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...Page 6 - Crazy Tuesday

Welcome to the 6th day of 2015.  Today was one of the busiest days I have had in quite some time and it lead to a lot of stress.  My friends were returning from California and would need to be picked up at the airport by 8:30pm.  I kept saying 8 pm to everyone just to make sure nothing got in my way and I ended up being late.
Sunday I discovered my last resort place to stay fell through.  I received a text message from the woman I was going to be staying with stating how I could not stay with her and she was sorry.  I was baffled and stunned, I was suppose to be moving in Monday, now I had no place to go.  Thankfully, my boss was able to help me find something quite affordable in a great neighborhood.  I called the woman and she said I could come look at the place on Tuesday.  I was hoping for Monday since Tuesday was already going to be stressful. 
I was able to get done with work at 5:30 pm so I could take off and get things done in which I unfortunately had put off.  I was really enjoying the downtime and getting focuses on my projects which are important to me.  Unfortunately, there is only so much time in a day, and when one takes on more than one should, time can easily run out on certain things.  Priorities need to be made, and making sure I was all packed up and things put into a new storage unit-was not a priority.  I should have gotten a small storage unit at low cost, but I was trying to not spend money I did not need to be spending.  Soon as I was done with work panic was setting in, what if their plane got in early, they took a cab and showed up with all my things in their house?  It did not happen last year, and yet I panicked about the same thing last year.  I was able to load up my truck with what I need immediately, left my instruments in their music room, and a few things in their basement out of the way.
Then it was time for me to run and see the apartment. It was not what I was expecting, about half the size I had been told-but for just me, and cheap rent I will make it work.  Soon it was 8pm and I was climbing into my friends van and heading to the airport.  I made two rounds to the arrivals area and as I was passing through the second time my friends daughter called me, "We just landed and we are leaving the plane..." she continued to let me know they would call me once they got their things in baggage claim.  I headed to the cell phone wait area.  It wasn't long before she was calling me and suggested I go to the departing flights to avoid the traffic.  Once they were piled in they shared stories about their trip, asked about the dogs and chickens and soon they were home.  Hugs were exchanged, keys were returned and I was on my way to drop off photography gear to my friends house. 
Before I knew it I was finally at my friends place who was letting me stay with her tonight since it is going to be so cold outside.  I was hoping my new landlord would allow me to write a check, have her hold it until I got paid and let me start staying there tonight.  That was not the case, and thankfully my awesome friend Miss E was allowing me to stay with her tonight.  I grabbed a quick and cheap something at Taco Bell and headed to Miss E's apt.  Once there I asked if I should park in the staff parking.  She told me if I did I would need to be gone by 8 am.  I had already begun to grab my things when I got that text, and the air was cold like the artic.  I decided I would rather get up early and move the truck than get back in and move now. 
During this entire day I had been texting with a guy I had met on OkCupid.  He works at a local hospital as an OR Tech.  He and I were having a great conversation, we even talked late on Monday.  At one point of the evening tonight he asked if he could call me.  I was in the middle of loading my truck and I really could not stop to take a call.  I tried to politely explain this to him, and he got offended and said how he would leave me alone.  I got his ruffled feathered smoothed down and about an hour later he got weird on me again.  Finally, I called him out and asked him, "what is going on with you"?  Once again, we moved forward, I was starting to conclude why this dude is single.  He gets easily offended and is not very understanding if he cannot get what he wants, when he wants it.  Finally, towards the end of my very busy evening, as I was heading to my friends apt he asked for a full body photo.  I'm driving, I'm tired, and I don't even know if I have one.  I respond letting him know once I get to my friends place I will look to see if I have one.  He replied, "nevermind"  Then a few second later he replied, "have a good night".  Allllrrriiighty.  It was maybe 20 minutes later he comments, I enjoyed talking to you.  I am now at my friends, I am trying to eat and catch up with her for a bit.  I don't respond to him, because he is already being weird and I need to decompress from my day.  I get an e-mail from him which stated simply, "delete my number"  Ha!  With pleasure you freaking weirdo, peace out!  I couldn't help but laugh at his behavior, and give great thanks to God for allowing me to confident enough in myself for that to not get to me.
That is the gift of confidence, empowerment, knowing who you are as a person.  It has been a long, long road to get me to this place in my life.  I am not perfect, I still have much to learn.  I still make mistakes and say the wrong things, at the wrong times.  However, I am thankful that I have a sense of self, and through the turbulence of 2013 and all of 2014 I have found some strength.  Through this strength, I am stronger, so when I am rejected by someone who is not right for me, someone who isn't a good fit even as a friend, I am mature and at peace about the situation. 
That right there, is a great gift from God.