It is what I keep saying over and over. Part of me is numb, I still have no appetite, I'm trying to make myself eat now. I weighed myself at the gym yesterday and discovered I lost five pounds. So, at least there is a benefit to this process of being sad and emotionally torn. I at least feel a lot better than I did last week. Last week was rough for me. Then to have him contact me and lie to me endlessly was ridiculous.
At least I am moving forward.
Yet, the past couple days I have found myself going to pray and not knowing what to even pray for anymore. I know what I want, I don't know how I will ever get there. With my truck heading back into the shop, wanting to get back home for Christmas, figuring out this change in my career, just wanting to share my life with someone. It has been nice to get up in the morning and go straight out to my chickens. That has been quite wonderful, and it has allowed me to go out at night and see them before it gets dark and they go inside.
It all comes down to, what do I pray for? The past two big things that have come across in my life over the past few months I obviously heard God wrong about them. I am a little concerned about taking a chance on someone new, but I also don't want to be lied to anymore. There was one guy I found on POF, but he hasn't responded to me...and I have a feeling I am more interested in him, than he is in me. Sucks. Story of my freaking life. I am talking to a couple of guys who are nice and I am just trying to enjoy their conversation. I just wish things would work out and be easier. Find that person who wants me the way I want them...be together...live our lives and enjoy one another as we take on life together.
I don't know...it is possible that it is not in the cards for me at all?
I try to take my focus elsewhere, fitness, writing, what kind of house I would have built if I could, where I want to live, if I will move and when. I try to just move my thoughts forward as though I will be alone, because part of me wants to be realistic and avoid the pain of being hurt again. As I do try to be realistic with a positive take on life, I just don't know right now. I'm sure this will pass and time will tell what will be. Over and over and over again I ask myself, when will I get there and why does this have to be so hard?
Friday, July 31, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 209...Why Does This Have To Be So Hard? aka Must Hate Dogs - Chapter One
Let me first explain the title of this series. I don't necessarily hate dogs. Unfortunately, due to working for a doctor (who is not a vet) who is obsessed with her dogs has really ruined me and my love of dogs. She lets them jump on people, they are obnoxious, they stink like you would not believe. Only in the past couple months has she began to even walk these dogs herself. It has been a frustrating process and made me sad when I had to accept that I don't like dogs as much as I once did in the past. When you are around rowdy, uncontrolled, obnoxious dogs who truly smell awful, five days a week, for eight hours a day, you would also get burnt out.
This lead to my online search for someone to date. I noticed a lot of men were posing with dogs and puppies. I'm sure it is considered cute, and it is suppose to make the guy more attractive. Unfortunately, due to my experience over the past 12 months I have lost an interest in someone who has dogs. When I see someone with a dog, 99% of the time I don't have an interest. It really depends on the guy and his interaction with the dog. I don't want to wake up to a dog in my bed. I dated someone who had a dog who would sleep with us, unfortunately, this dog favored me at night and I would lose sleep from it. I don't find it enjoyable to have a dog in my bed. I enjoy them, and I want to like them, however, for now it is a turn off.
This lead to my online search for someone to date. I noticed a lot of men were posing with dogs and puppies. I'm sure it is considered cute, and it is suppose to make the guy more attractive. Unfortunately, due to my experience over the past 12 months I have lost an interest in someone who has dogs. When I see someone with a dog, 99% of the time I don't have an interest. It really depends on the guy and his interaction with the dog. I don't want to wake up to a dog in my bed. I dated someone who had a dog who would sleep with us, unfortunately, this dog favored me at night and I would lose sleep from it. I don't find it enjoyable to have a dog in my bed. I enjoy them, and I want to like them, however, for now it is a turn off.
Is there even an explanation to this?
Except where he commented on his love for wolves....
This is more on the creepy side than attractive side.
Is this his way of showing he is a dare devil or someone I will be visiting in the hospital frequently if we dated?
I don't know why this has to be so hard to find someone to date, hang out with, pursue a long term relationship. I see people around me and it seems to happen so easily for them. I'm not sure what I am doing so wrong, obviously I have had my share of mistakes, but I don't know what to do to be that "right" one for someone that I am also attracted to as well. I am trying to be so alert on what I am doing right now I feel I am trying too hard. It is frustrating!! I know what I want, I have found men who want the same thing...what if they just gave me a chance? One or two chances? I think I could be something wonderful for someone, at least I would like to be. I know my independence tends to bother some guys, but I cannot be a needy person, I like going out to see a movie on my own, or go caving with friends if the 'boyfriend' isn't around. I'm loyal as the day is long and hope to find someone who would be happy if not proud to have me in their life. Someone attractive, who I want to kiss and love on, maybe I am asking to much. But, I have settled in the past and it never went well. I found myself unhappy and the relationship failed. I would like to think it is acceptable to have standards. I'm frequently told to have them. Now that I am on the dating sites and trying to figure out this entire process, which part of me deeply hates, I'm trying to put myself out there and be present in the moment, approachable without being too eager. There is such a delicate balance to this entire process it is ridiculous.
Here we are, in the beginning stages of starting over, which I realize there are a lot of people who are in similar situations. It isn't fun to want someone, reach out to communicate with them, have a bit of hope to have it dashed with a dose of rejection. I keep hoping I will be attractive enough to those who I find attractive myself, and maybe just maybe I will find myself in that awkward first date with hopes of a second. It has been difficult enough for me to admit that I want to have love in my life. To pursue it and openly admit to wanting it, and now go for it is a little intimidating and a little uncomfortable. But, seeing all these people on the online dating sites, and the Bachelor and Bachelorette show, has helped me see I am not alone in the search. It just doesn't make it easier to see other women who are skinny with perfect hair, beautiful faces, just makes me hope there is a opportunity for me to get noticed.
Here is the journey of me searching for love. I just hope I can find someone who wants me the same way I want him. A man who is kind, honest, hard working, loyal, handsome, fun, rugged, outdoorsy, romantic and someone who can surprise me with a wonderful person to love, and enjoy having in my life.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 208...Online Dating
This entire online dating thing is not completely new to me, I have tried it before. However, dating in general, not just online dating is back in my life. I don't know what I am doing, I don't know what the rules are and I don't know what I should say.
There are three guys who I have been talking to who have grabbed my attention. Two I am quite attracted to, as much as I can tell from a small pixelated photo. One does stand out more than the other, and he only lives an hour or so away. Another, lives in Memphis, he is cute and I have been enjoying our conversation as we get to know one another. Unfortunately, he smokes, and I think he smokes a lot, which considering I am allergic is not good. The third is a very kind man, who I am not fully attracted to, but I do like talking to him. I would enjoy going out and doing something with any of them...one in particular...but I have just got to hope I am interesting enough to him, to make him want to go out.
As I go through the selections and searches on Plenty of Fish and Tinder, I have found there are some very odd and unattractive people out there. Why is this so hard to find someone you want to date and get to know better? Why are people so quick to put their most odd or unusual pictures of themselves on a dating site? Don't we want to put our best forward so we can attract someone, not deflect someone away from us?
I have been saving some of the photos from this process and sharing my dismay with my friends, Theresa and Lindsay. They would comment back like, "this is awesome"! "This is absolutely hilarious!" I'm glad my search for someone to date, get to know, be in a long term relationship with can be entertaining to an outsider. Join me, and see what kind of wacko's are out there as I search for a handsome, sweet, kind, romantic, strong, manly man, to share my life with and someone whom I can be good to.
There are three guys who I have been talking to who have grabbed my attention. Two I am quite attracted to, as much as I can tell from a small pixelated photo. One does stand out more than the other, and he only lives an hour or so away. Another, lives in Memphis, he is cute and I have been enjoying our conversation as we get to know one another. Unfortunately, he smokes, and I think he smokes a lot, which considering I am allergic is not good. The third is a very kind man, who I am not fully attracted to, but I do like talking to him. I would enjoy going out and doing something with any of them...one in particular...but I have just got to hope I am interesting enough to him, to make him want to go out.
As I go through the selections and searches on Plenty of Fish and Tinder, I have found there are some very odd and unattractive people out there. Why is this so hard to find someone you want to date and get to know better? Why are people so quick to put their most odd or unusual pictures of themselves on a dating site? Don't we want to put our best forward so we can attract someone, not deflect someone away from us?
I have been saving some of the photos from this process and sharing my dismay with my friends, Theresa and Lindsay. They would comment back like, "this is awesome"! "This is absolutely hilarious!" I'm glad my search for someone to date, get to know, be in a long term relationship with can be entertaining to an outsider. Join me, and see what kind of wacko's are out there as I search for a handsome, sweet, kind, romantic, strong, manly man, to share my life with and someone whom I can be good to.
Is this giving him a thumbs down...?
Or using her flowers to point to his penis?
What is even happening here?
You can frolic like a kitten in the grass?
I'm not sure what you are trying to say with this photo?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 207...Surprise Conversation
I was surprised last night while texting a couple of my friends, and chatting with a couple new guys online, my KIK showed up. Guess who it was!? Yep...Chad...aka...Rick.
Our conversation was quite ridiculous and he was either, "fuck it I quit" or excuse or lie one after the other. He ended things saying how he gave his farm away to his brother, and was seriously considering going back to the service and living in Germany. He was going to train the soldiers how to do what he once did when he was enlisted as a shooter. Seriously...I'm going to believe that lie? Someone who is going to be training the next generation of shooters, is going to be an active shooter.
Then he told me he was in Franklin, KY, which is just a little over an hour away. So, zero interest to see me.
When I called him out on the wife and kids, he would just say "what are you talking about". I even got bold enough to say, "you know what I am talking about" He knew he was busted and started this lie about how I found his brother on Facebook. Blah, blah, blah....it was as though I could feel him looking at his screen trying to figure out what to say or do next.
I just simply hope he is unhappy. For all he has put me through, I do hope he is unhappy. I also hope his beautiful daughters never marry anyone like him, they deserve so much better.
After this surprise conversation I was heading down I-40 looking forward to getting home, when I hit some traffic which was backed up. I get over in the far left lane as I noticed the semi's were in that lane. Suddenly, my truck turned off. It restarted, went forward...and then the warning lights came up. From the way the vehicle was turning, I just knew my water pump went out. Thankfully, I made it home, but the entire way I was leaking out coolant. I am lucky I did not have far to go and I was able to make it to my destination. Unfortunately, since I am house sitting and I still have to get to work. Which I then needed to pack so I would have what I needed since I would not have access to go back and forth. Then I decided at 2 or so in the morning, to just get a ride from Uber. I don't know what that cost me, but I am tired of relying on other people for help. I am so frustrated, I thought my truck situation would have settled for a bit. But, NOPE! Praise God I do not have a writing assignment this weekend. Another blessing, I can use one of the vehicles where I am house sitting. After, Wednesday I will be able to use my roommates vehicle who is going out of town. Thankfully, there is an upside, it is just frustrating as I am desperate to get ahead and want to start saving to go home this winter.
Hopefully, this won't be too much of an expense when it comes to replacing this water pump. When I looked into this before, it was around $500.00. Thankfully, I have found a new mechanic who is very nice and was recommended and seems honest, unfortunately, I believe I am going to be making his boat payments.
Our conversation was quite ridiculous and he was either, "fuck it I quit" or excuse or lie one after the other. He ended things saying how he gave his farm away to his brother, and was seriously considering going back to the service and living in Germany. He was going to train the soldiers how to do what he once did when he was enlisted as a shooter. Seriously...I'm going to believe that lie? Someone who is going to be training the next generation of shooters, is going to be an active shooter.
Then he told me he was in Franklin, KY, which is just a little over an hour away. So, zero interest to see me.
When I called him out on the wife and kids, he would just say "what are you talking about". I even got bold enough to say, "you know what I am talking about" He knew he was busted and started this lie about how I found his brother on Facebook. Blah, blah, blah....it was as though I could feel him looking at his screen trying to figure out what to say or do next.
I just simply hope he is unhappy. For all he has put me through, I do hope he is unhappy. I also hope his beautiful daughters never marry anyone like him, they deserve so much better.
An honest opinion from one of the new guys I have started to talk to online.
After this surprise conversation I was heading down I-40 looking forward to getting home, when I hit some traffic which was backed up. I get over in the far left lane as I noticed the semi's were in that lane. Suddenly, my truck turned off. It restarted, went forward...and then the warning lights came up. From the way the vehicle was turning, I just knew my water pump went out. Thankfully, I made it home, but the entire way I was leaking out coolant. I am lucky I did not have far to go and I was able to make it to my destination. Unfortunately, since I am house sitting and I still have to get to work. Which I then needed to pack so I would have what I needed since I would not have access to go back and forth. Then I decided at 2 or so in the morning, to just get a ride from Uber. I don't know what that cost me, but I am tired of relying on other people for help. I am so frustrated, I thought my truck situation would have settled for a bit. But, NOPE! Praise God I do not have a writing assignment this weekend. Another blessing, I can use one of the vehicles where I am house sitting. After, Wednesday I will be able to use my roommates vehicle who is going out of town. Thankfully, there is an upside, it is just frustrating as I am desperate to get ahead and want to start saving to go home this winter.
Hopefully, this won't be too much of an expense when it comes to replacing this water pump. When I looked into this before, it was around $500.00. Thankfully, I have found a new mechanic who is very nice and was recommended and seems honest, unfortunately, I believe I am going to be making his boat payments.
What was left of my coolant after it leaked all over last night.
Monday, July 27, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 206...Starting Over
Well, I have not heard from Chad/Ricky and I don't believe I will ever hear from him again. I had several people who wanted to help me prove that he was who he said he was, but each person discovered he lied. Just like I had suspected and all the information had lead to me believing, none of it sadly was even true.
So, here I am on Plenty of Fish and Tinder. I'm not so much a fan of the Tinder app, but I guess this is a part of the 'new age of dating'. Woot. Woot. Plenty of Fish has brought on conversations with different individuals. One gentleman who has caught my attention looks like a cutie. I keep hoping I will hear from him, and maybe if I can be patient enough he might message me first. But, I have only been on that site for three or four days so I'm probably being more anxious than necessary. There is something about this particular person that interests me, and I just want him to like me too. Or at least want to get to know me.
This entire process is tough, and it sucks. It should not be this hard, and yet for some reason I'm not where I want to be in the relationship and romance department. I just wonder when it will happen, where I can find that person who will be that someone to pursue a long term relationship with and see where it can go. I want to share my life with someone. I want to be that important person in someone's life who they come home to at the end of their work day. Someone who is proud of being with me. Blah, blah, blah...
My friend Theresa thinks I should do a series on this process of the men I am finding online. Some are very interesting, some are divorced and some just have a job that doesn't make it very conducive to meeting people. She even found a name for the series based on how my enjoyment of dogs have been ruined by the dogs in the office where I worked for over a year (& now back in a different role).
She thinks I should call it, "Must Hate Stinky Dogs". Mainly because I commented on how many pictures were posted with men and their dogs, or men and puppies. It was getting weird to see all these photos.
Who knows what people think of my photos and profile...maybe this will help me break free from this slump I've been in and get me on track to where I want to be. With a good, handsome, honest (employed) kind man.
So, here I am on Plenty of Fish and Tinder. I'm not so much a fan of the Tinder app, but I guess this is a part of the 'new age of dating'. Woot. Woot. Plenty of Fish has brought on conversations with different individuals. One gentleman who has caught my attention looks like a cutie. I keep hoping I will hear from him, and maybe if I can be patient enough he might message me first. But, I have only been on that site for three or four days so I'm probably being more anxious than necessary. There is something about this particular person that interests me, and I just want him to like me too. Or at least want to get to know me.
This entire process is tough, and it sucks. It should not be this hard, and yet for some reason I'm not where I want to be in the relationship and romance department. I just wonder when it will happen, where I can find that person who will be that someone to pursue a long term relationship with and see where it can go. I want to share my life with someone. I want to be that important person in someone's life who they come home to at the end of their work day. Someone who is proud of being with me. Blah, blah, blah...
My friend Theresa thinks I should do a series on this process of the men I am finding online. Some are very interesting, some are divorced and some just have a job that doesn't make it very conducive to meeting people. She even found a name for the series based on how my enjoyment of dogs have been ruined by the dogs in the office where I worked for over a year (& now back in a different role).
She thinks I should call it, "Must Hate Stinky Dogs". Mainly because I commented on how many pictures were posted with men and their dogs, or men and puppies. It was getting weird to see all these photos.
Who knows what people think of my photos and profile...maybe this will help me break free from this slump I've been in and get me on track to where I want to be. With a good, handsome, honest (employed) kind man.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 205...Emergine Athletes Program
Yesterday I covered a really interesting event put on by the United States Equestrian Team and sponsored by Dover Saddlery.
This program occurs 13 times throughout the year in 13 different regions of the United States. You have to be an advance rider, receive three letters of reference and submit a video of you riding. There is a committee which picks the riders for this program, they are notified and they get to ride with elite professional and Olympic riders.
I never knew this program existed. It was fascinating how Ann Thornberry took everything down to the basics. She made it clear how she was going to show them on how "she does things". Ms. Thornberry took things down to the basics of grooming, saddling your horse, so when you walk away from day five of this five day clinic she covered everything and anything, even if you already knew it.
It was interesting to observe her going over these basics, which I had taken in as common sense. I realized how fortunate I had been over the years to have good trainers who implemented these steps into my routine.
I never knew I would ever be writing on horses, even though for many years I thought I would enjoy it. I absolutely do enjoy this opportunity and I had a great exciting blessing yesterday. I finally came across a copy of one of the magazines I write for in the lounge at the barn. I grabbed it up and trotted out to my truck. I flipped through the pages and quickly found my article, it was a really cool moment to see my work and photographs in print.
It is nice to be utilizing my background, experience and education in the equestrian field once again. There are times it makes me want to step in the stirrup again, but all the work behind it floods in and I hesitate. Maybe there will be a day I cross into that path. But, for now, I am taking advantage of learning all I can and doing my very best at writing these articles so I can keep doing it!
This program occurs 13 times throughout the year in 13 different regions of the United States. You have to be an advance rider, receive three letters of reference and submit a video of you riding. There is a committee which picks the riders for this program, they are notified and they get to ride with elite professional and Olympic riders.
I never knew this program existed. It was fascinating how Ann Thornberry took everything down to the basics. She made it clear how she was going to show them on how "she does things". Ms. Thornberry took things down to the basics of grooming, saddling your horse, so when you walk away from day five of this five day clinic she covered everything and anything, even if you already knew it.
It was interesting to observe her going over these basics, which I had taken in as common sense. I realized how fortunate I had been over the years to have good trainers who implemented these steps into my routine.
I never knew I would ever be writing on horses, even though for many years I thought I would enjoy it. I absolutely do enjoy this opportunity and I had a great exciting blessing yesterday. I finally came across a copy of one of the magazines I write for in the lounge at the barn. I grabbed it up and trotted out to my truck. I flipped through the pages and quickly found my article, it was a really cool moment to see my work and photographs in print.
It is nice to be utilizing my background, experience and education in the equestrian field once again. There are times it makes me want to step in the stirrup again, but all the work behind it floods in and I hesitate. Maybe there will be a day I cross into that path. But, for now, I am taking advantage of learning all I can and doing my very best at writing these articles so I can keep doing it!
Ann Thornberry going over grooming & safety
Telling stories from her equestrian experience
Ms. Thornberry going over each horse individually with the students
Going over the specifics of tack and how it should fit correctly
Friday, July 24, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 204...School Supplies
While in Target today I noticed school supplies are out. I love school supplies, I always have, it was the BEST part of getting ready for school. I remember one year I was such a tomboy I wanted a GI Joe lunch box. I loved that thing even if once in a while I was embarrassed for carrying it around at school.
I found myself incredibly sad today. I think the realization of wanting to have kids is kinda hitting me. Maybe because the age of "40" is approaching and the opportunity is getting closer to ending.
I want to know what it will be like to experience (yes) the stress to go through the school supply list, buy new school clothes and backpacks. Why do I miss out on this? What in the world have I done that is so wrong in my life that this is just zipping past me?
It couldn't be anymore official that "Chad" is not Chad, he is indeed Ricky. There is no Chad, just some jackass who has a well rehearsed story, I have been duped, I have been what they currently call; "catfished". I cannot express how much that fucking sucks.
So, my life is passing me by and I don't know what to do about it. I hate the people who comment about my age, my 'gray hair' (guess, what NONE OF US ARE IMMUNE SO WHY FUCKING POINT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Especially by those who have the husband and kids. Do you think it is polite or that I enjoy the reminder that I don't get what you have? Cut me some damn slack, please!
This is just a series of difficult times for me emotionally deal with watching life pass me by. Another school year is starting, and I don't get to be part of the parent crowd arguing with kids and picking out supplies. Then the holidays will come and it will remind me how homesick I am and how I don't have my own family to share these times with as they come and go.
Who knew something as simple as unsharpened pencils would bring on such an emotional downward spiral.
I found myself incredibly sad today. I think the realization of wanting to have kids is kinda hitting me. Maybe because the age of "40" is approaching and the opportunity is getting closer to ending.
I want to know what it will be like to experience (yes) the stress to go through the school supply list, buy new school clothes and backpacks. Why do I miss out on this? What in the world have I done that is so wrong in my life that this is just zipping past me?
It couldn't be anymore official that "Chad" is not Chad, he is indeed Ricky. There is no Chad, just some jackass who has a well rehearsed story, I have been duped, I have been what they currently call; "catfished". I cannot express how much that fucking sucks.
So, my life is passing me by and I don't know what to do about it. I hate the people who comment about my age, my 'gray hair' (guess, what NONE OF US ARE IMMUNE SO WHY FUCKING POINT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Especially by those who have the husband and kids. Do you think it is polite or that I enjoy the reminder that I don't get what you have? Cut me some damn slack, please!
This is just a series of difficult times for me emotionally deal with watching life pass me by. Another school year is starting, and I don't get to be part of the parent crowd arguing with kids and picking out supplies. Then the holidays will come and it will remind me how homesick I am and how I don't have my own family to share these times with as they come and go.
Who knew something as simple as unsharpened pencils would bring on such an emotional downward spiral.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 203...Not Surprised
http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Am-Dating-A-Truck-Driver/137168
Well...I came across this website yesterday morning. I don't know if things would have been different for me or not if I had found this sooner. Yet, one article in particular was enlightening which I am going to share with you today.
I like how she says, ..."so when you feel in your heart something is wrong, if you feel in your heart he is cheating or lying, or hiding something, he probably is. if he seems to get defensive when you ask one simple question, there is something usually going on he doesn't want you to know about,"...
Good morning everyone...let me share my stories of dating truck drivers and see what you think. I met a wonderful man online from a nearby city, we chatted for 3 months, talked on the phone, and eventually met in person. We hit things off great! He decided to move to my area. Jobs were scarce, he had a CDL and chose to start driving truck. First job he held he was home every day, short run company. He did not like this. So on to the next job, OTR...he would be gone for 5-12 days then home for 2 or 3. At first this went ok, as I had children to tend to and keep me busy, as well as a full time job. About 3 months after moving in with us, I noticed how women were calling him constantly. Come to find out, one was a past girlfriend, who would call/text SEVERAL times a day. He did not ever answer the phone when he was home with me, He would hit ignore. He would not get online to check email or messages while at home with me. This became very discouraging to me, and of course the first thing you want to think of is...Is he cheating on me?? I know this man loved me, he moved closer to me, he then moved in with me and my children. He would call me several times a day, we would chat online when he would be stuck somewhere waiting to load or unload. But what else did he do and with who? He then started taking runs closer to the city where his ex gf lived, I became irate! not only was she texting and calling him ALL the time, but she would leave comments on her profiles saying how great it was to see her man, coincidence? I started checking his phone (as i paid the cell bill and it was in my name) not only was she calling and texting him, but she would end with, I still love you, I want you back, I can't wait to see you again when you come this way! I then also found out he was calling her. they would talk for HOURS! usually during the time I was working or asleep. This devastated me. I ended the realtionship the next time he came home, it was for the best, Not only was myself involved with this relationship, but so were my children, and they did not need a role model like that in their life. Yes I have had past relationships, yes I have male friends, but we do not call each other or text, we do not chat online. Well...a couple months went by, and I was still mad at the fact that he did this to me, but I still longed for him, I still loved him. Out of the blue he called me one day, saying he was coming thru where I lived (I had moved) . The first thing I said was, "and your point would be?" He wanted to meet and catch up on things, I said, "I am not going to get involved or be that person who ruins a relationship for you" he said he wasn't dating anyone, he was just living and breathing work. So since my heart was pounding, and butterflies were flying, I agreed to meet at the local truck stop for coffee. We sat and enjoyed each others company and conversation. He then brought up our relationship, and the things that were good and bad. When I described how I felt, something must have hit him in the face, because he called this past ex, he told her in front of me on the phone he could no longer accept her phone calls, she needed to move on, he had messed up a chance to be with someone once, and was not about to do it again, he no longer loved her, and she had pushed their friendship way too far. He told her not to call or text anymore, and he blocked her number, After him somehow "proving" his love for me we got back together. This lasted a whole 2 months. The phone calls never stopped, the texting never stopped. I cannot beleve I fell for this AGAIN. so wth that, things ended on a very bad note this time. I told him to NEVER contact me again, to lose my number, (which I ended up changing anyways, as he called and harrassed me) I turned off his phone AGAIN. (the one I had paid for ) and told him to stay away from me and my kids. He would send me emails, he would leave me messages at work, he wouldn't accept the fact that he did wrong, he was at fault, somehow he wanted to be the innocent party here, and I would not stand for it. Several years have now gone by and do I still hear from him? On occasion when crap hits the fan for him, he still wants to blame a part of me for the way his life has turned out. He lost his CDL, he lost his job driving, no fault of mine. I was old news when all that happened. Where is he now? I really don't care. I have moved on, and so has he. so when you feel in your heart something is wrong, if you feel in your heart he is cheating or lying, or hiding something, he probably is. if he seems to get defensive when you ask one simple question, there is something usually going on he doesn't want you to know about, and god forbid, if its ok for him to talk to other women, but NOT ok for you to talk to male friends or other males for example, then recheck your relationship. From my experience to yours, may you find happiness and find love, and find yourself in a GREAT relationship. not all of them are bad, and not all truck drivers are bad, there are alot of misconceptions of truck drivers and by far there are some good ones out there! hope this helps
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 202...Being True
One thing in my life I have always tried to strive for is being true, true to myself, true to others.
I'm just me. I don't know how to be anything else.
One thing I have learned over time it is easier to simply tell the truth. I have found it is too difficult to keep up with the lies and bs that goes into them. Why lie when you can just tell the truth. No matter how difficult it may be to speak the truth, I would rather give truth than anything else.
The photos I am sharing today are of me, true to life, me. No make up, still in bed waiting to take on the day... I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I work to be patient, understanding and kind.
Yet, it is amazing how people will live in the thickness of lies. Want to see me lose respect for you? Lie to me. Be deceitful. Don't waste my time. I want to live a life of honesty, kindness, respect towards others, while speaking truth and being true to myself and those around me.
As you take your steps through life, I hope you find that being truthful about you, your life and life situation, is better than any lie or story that can be made up.
I'm just me. I don't know how to be anything else.
One thing I have learned over time it is easier to simply tell the truth. I have found it is too difficult to keep up with the lies and bs that goes into them. Why lie when you can just tell the truth. No matter how difficult it may be to speak the truth, I would rather give truth than anything else.
The photos I am sharing today are of me, true to life, me. No make up, still in bed waiting to take on the day... I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I work to be patient, understanding and kind.
Yet, it is amazing how people will live in the thickness of lies. Want to see me lose respect for you? Lie to me. Be deceitful. Don't waste my time. I want to live a life of honesty, kindness, respect towards others, while speaking truth and being true to myself and those around me.
As you take your steps through life, I hope you find that being truthful about you, your life and life situation, is better than any lie or story that can be made up.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 201...What I Desire...is it Impossible?
I wish my life was different. I realize many of us do. I get five steps ahead to slide back ten. Good things are happening and progressing, yet my heart desires are else where. I don't know if what I want is possible. I don't know if the life I desire so deeply in my heart exists. All I know is I am ready for my life to be in that place. Unfortunately, I do not know if it will ever happen.
It is increasingly frustrating to watch my relatives and friends get married. I attend as a bridesmaid or now more often as an attendee. It hurts my heart to know I have not experienced this "love" lasting, vow taking in my life. My twin cousins have recently gotten married, both now own their own homes and share their lives with their husbands. What about me? When will it be my turn?
I see these photos of this "Chad" who is actually "Ricky", one in particular makes my heart drop. It is a photo of a really cool snowman, the three kids and Ricky. The snowman has antlers and a hat. Makes me think Ricky put the antlers on it, which shows his fun and playful side. I love a man who can be confident in his playfulness, which is why I liked him so much.
When will I get to have a man in my life I get to wake up to? Someone who I can cherish and love who will love me and make me important in their life? Someone to come home to and wants to come home to me. Why has this been such a void in my life? Why is it when I find someone who I let my guard down, can see my life with, tells me he has told his parents, brothers about me, shared my profile pic with them, says he cares about me, wants to spend his life with me....is not who he says he is, and has a wife and three kids at home. Who does that?
I have been manipulated, used to fill a void and entertainment.
Part of me feels I am more sad about having to start over and wonder the 'if's' about my life, than the actual loss of Chad, although, that is a big step back for me. I truly thought things were coming together. Despite my concerns, he always had a reassuring story for me. I felt for it hook, line and sinker. I thought this rugged, handsome, smart, funny, man with his sexy little beard was that man who God had lined up for me. I loved that he was this rugged truck driver. I loved that he was a part of a big family (which I do not know if it even exists), I loved that he knew, or said he knew, how to work on a diesel engine and that his Grandpa had taught him what he knew. He said he liked to build fires and cook on an open flame, drink beer, be at home or go out and do stuff. Now I don't know what if any of that is even true. Maybe that is the life he wants to have, instead of the incredible life that he does currently have for himself. Who knows.
As Theresa tried to reassure me yesterday, "He has something very wrong with him. The key word 'him' not you".
I just wish I had not been brought into his game, or used for his entertainment to fill whatever void that exists in his life. I would have loved to be his everything, yet he has everything and it seems it is not enough.
Now, I sit and wonder what will come next, what will happen next, where I will finally end up. I just wish it was all in front of me and I was in the mix of it all, instead of this unknown waiting game.
It is increasingly frustrating to watch my relatives and friends get married. I attend as a bridesmaid or now more often as an attendee. It hurts my heart to know I have not experienced this "love" lasting, vow taking in my life. My twin cousins have recently gotten married, both now own their own homes and share their lives with their husbands. What about me? When will it be my turn?
I see these photos of this "Chad" who is actually "Ricky", one in particular makes my heart drop. It is a photo of a really cool snowman, the three kids and Ricky. The snowman has antlers and a hat. Makes me think Ricky put the antlers on it, which shows his fun and playful side. I love a man who can be confident in his playfulness, which is why I liked him so much.
When will I get to have a man in my life I get to wake up to? Someone who I can cherish and love who will love me and make me important in their life? Someone to come home to and wants to come home to me. Why has this been such a void in my life? Why is it when I find someone who I let my guard down, can see my life with, tells me he has told his parents, brothers about me, shared my profile pic with them, says he cares about me, wants to spend his life with me....is not who he says he is, and has a wife and three kids at home. Who does that?
I have been manipulated, used to fill a void and entertainment.
Part of me feels I am more sad about having to start over and wonder the 'if's' about my life, than the actual loss of Chad, although, that is a big step back for me. I truly thought things were coming together. Despite my concerns, he always had a reassuring story for me. I felt for it hook, line and sinker. I thought this rugged, handsome, smart, funny, man with his sexy little beard was that man who God had lined up for me. I loved that he was this rugged truck driver. I loved that he was a part of a big family (which I do not know if it even exists), I loved that he knew, or said he knew, how to work on a diesel engine and that his Grandpa had taught him what he knew. He said he liked to build fires and cook on an open flame, drink beer, be at home or go out and do stuff. Now I don't know what if any of that is even true. Maybe that is the life he wants to have, instead of the incredible life that he does currently have for himself. Who knows.
As Theresa tried to reassure me yesterday, "He has something very wrong with him. The key word 'him' not you".
I just wish I had not been brought into his game, or used for his entertainment to fill whatever void that exists in his life. I would have loved to be his everything, yet he has everything and it seems it is not enough.
Now, I sit and wonder what will come next, what will happen next, where I will finally end up. I just wish it was all in front of me and I was in the mix of it all, instead of this unknown waiting game.
Monday, July 20, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 200...Ok Cupid & KIK
I guess I am naïve when it comes to online dating. I have been talking with this guy, "Chad", whose real name I am coming to discover is actually Rick B King Jr. NOT Richard Chad King Jr as he has been telling me since we started to talk in January.
Apparently, OK Cupid is designed for people who want to hook up and have sex. I had a friend who found a great guy on there and they got into a relationship. I started with OK Cupid because of all the questions it asked. I thought it could be something of interest and just have some fun putting myself out there. Then within two weeks this Chad guy came along. I thought it was odd when he would e-mail me, his name came up at "Rick King". I asked him what he went by since he said his name was Richard Chad King Jr.. He told me he was named after his father and since he didn't know who his Mom was yelling at growing up, he preferred to go by Chad. Chad was his Grandfathers name, who he was also named after. He told me how he was the second oldest of 14 kids. Chad said he had not been in a relationship due to work, being a truck driver kept him away from home. "Who wants to be at home all week alone". He said his last relationship was 4 1/2-5 years ago. I was told he came home and he found her with another man, he walked in on it, turned and walked out. He also said to me how he had not been on a date in 2 or 3 years. Hadn't found anyone he wanted to date, and work kept him busy.
Chad only wanted to talk via KIK. He claimed due to the trucking company he drives for, TMC cracked down on personal calls and texts. Our conversation grew more and more flirty and eventually we were exchanging more than photos of our faces, it got quite sensual. I was surprised by how comfortable he was, he started quite polite by asking if he could share a photo he took of me, "I'm covered up". I felt it was sweet. Then things began to grow between us, our conversation began to grow. It wasn't always flirty, there was substance to what I felt we were sharing. He was opening up more to me. His messages were longer and longer, and our conversation developed into something special. He began to tell me he cared about me, occasionally would say he missed me. In the last of our conversations he would say how he has told his family and all his brothers about me. He felt that once we met, he would know for sure I was "the one". My heart soared, I was developing a strong interest and could even say feelings for this person. I tried to be patient and understanding about his busy work schedule, even though I was frustrated he would not call and seemed to be going home a lot on the weekends. I called him out on having someone at home, a girlfriend, a wife, and every single time he would reply, "Ain't no one else".
In April I found a "Rick King Jr." on Facebook. I tried to "Friend" this person, a few days later (which I blogged about this) he claimed I had found one of his brothers. I noticed there were two Rick King Jr's, one canceled my friend request, where the other person went and ignored it.
Ever since April I have been a little uncertain about Chad. I wanted to believe he was telling me the truth. However, I am realizing I have been duped. The more and more research I have done online about this guy, the less I find on 'Richard Chad King Jr'. Yet, there is quite a bit information on 'Rick B King Jr' or 'Ricky B King Jr'. Rick has been married to Amanda since April 23, 2000. They have three kids. The oldest daughter has his eyes and the youngest, a boy, resembles him.
The biggest kicker is a tattoo that caused "Chad" aka "Rick" to bust himself. A celtic tattoo which came up in conversation months ago. I saw a photo of 'Ricky' enjoying a bud light on Facebook. A selfie photo of him holding it and his tattoo in the photo. I asked yesterday if I could see a pic of the tattoo on "Chad's" leg. With great hopes I asked him if he and his brothers ever got matching tattoos. He said "nope, all of mine r one of a kind except my wrist"
This was not the answer I was hoping for from him.
The photo below says everything to me....the one of the left was posted on Facebook June 12, 2015. The one on the right was taken yesterday, July 19, 2015 that he sent to me himself from his phone.
These tattoos tell me everything. Even if other things don't add up and it 'could' possibly be a brother. However, this is one detail that is just too difficult to overlook anymore. Now, I am heartbroken and sad, as well as feeling absolutely foolish for getting caught up with this guy.
Apparently, OK Cupid is designed for people who want to hook up and have sex. I had a friend who found a great guy on there and they got into a relationship. I started with OK Cupid because of all the questions it asked. I thought it could be something of interest and just have some fun putting myself out there. Then within two weeks this Chad guy came along. I thought it was odd when he would e-mail me, his name came up at "Rick King". I asked him what he went by since he said his name was Richard Chad King Jr.. He told me he was named after his father and since he didn't know who his Mom was yelling at growing up, he preferred to go by Chad. Chad was his Grandfathers name, who he was also named after. He told me how he was the second oldest of 14 kids. Chad said he had not been in a relationship due to work, being a truck driver kept him away from home. "Who wants to be at home all week alone". He said his last relationship was 4 1/2-5 years ago. I was told he came home and he found her with another man, he walked in on it, turned and walked out. He also said to me how he had not been on a date in 2 or 3 years. Hadn't found anyone he wanted to date, and work kept him busy.
Chad only wanted to talk via KIK. He claimed due to the trucking company he drives for, TMC cracked down on personal calls and texts. Our conversation grew more and more flirty and eventually we were exchanging more than photos of our faces, it got quite sensual. I was surprised by how comfortable he was, he started quite polite by asking if he could share a photo he took of me, "I'm covered up". I felt it was sweet. Then things began to grow between us, our conversation began to grow. It wasn't always flirty, there was substance to what I felt we were sharing. He was opening up more to me. His messages were longer and longer, and our conversation developed into something special. He began to tell me he cared about me, occasionally would say he missed me. In the last of our conversations he would say how he has told his family and all his brothers about me. He felt that once we met, he would know for sure I was "the one". My heart soared, I was developing a strong interest and could even say feelings for this person. I tried to be patient and understanding about his busy work schedule, even though I was frustrated he would not call and seemed to be going home a lot on the weekends. I called him out on having someone at home, a girlfriend, a wife, and every single time he would reply, "Ain't no one else".
In April I found a "Rick King Jr." on Facebook. I tried to "Friend" this person, a few days later (which I blogged about this) he claimed I had found one of his brothers. I noticed there were two Rick King Jr's, one canceled my friend request, where the other person went and ignored it.
Ever since April I have been a little uncertain about Chad. I wanted to believe he was telling me the truth. However, I am realizing I have been duped. The more and more research I have done online about this guy, the less I find on 'Richard Chad King Jr'. Yet, there is quite a bit information on 'Rick B King Jr' or 'Ricky B King Jr'. Rick has been married to Amanda since April 23, 2000. They have three kids. The oldest daughter has his eyes and the youngest, a boy, resembles him.
The biggest kicker is a tattoo that caused "Chad" aka "Rick" to bust himself. A celtic tattoo which came up in conversation months ago. I saw a photo of 'Ricky' enjoying a bud light on Facebook. A selfie photo of him holding it and his tattoo in the photo. I asked yesterday if I could see a pic of the tattoo on "Chad's" leg. With great hopes I asked him if he and his brothers ever got matching tattoos. He said "nope, all of mine r one of a kind except my wrist"
This was not the answer I was hoping for from him.
The photo below says everything to me....the one of the left was posted on Facebook June 12, 2015. The one on the right was taken yesterday, July 19, 2015 that he sent to me himself from his phone.
These tattoos tell me everything. Even if other things don't add up and it 'could' possibly be a brother. However, this is one detail that is just too difficult to overlook anymore. Now, I am heartbroken and sad, as well as feeling absolutely foolish for getting caught up with this guy.
catfish [kat-fish] verb: To pretend to be someone you're not online by posting false information, such as someone else's pictures, on social media sites usually with the intention of getting someone to fall in love with you.
I have been duped. :(
Friday, July 17, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 199...Manners
Today while walking into the gym a very nice gentleman looked behind him as he was walking inside. He had seen me, stopped, stepped back and opened the door for me. I politely thanked him, I personally find this completely fantastic when men do this, and he replied, "Yes, ma'am, my Momma raised me right"
I smiled and laughed, "Yes! She most certainly did."
It has forever warmed my heart when a door is opened for me. I don't know why this makes me feel so good, but it does and truly always has given me a good feeling. In the south it is something which happens more often here than in other areas of the country. It doesn't mean it does not happen, but it is certainly most prevalent here. As I walked to the women's locker room I thought to myself, how does one even teach that to a child? Imagine how incredibly effective it is to implement such politeness in a person that they as an adult carry on the consideration?
I try to be aware of my consideration towards others. I'm not always successful, especially if I am having a bad day. Yet, I find it to be enduring and interesting how important it is to maintain a level of courtesy to another. Something as simple as manners are incredibly important. Sadly for many it is often neglected and overlooked. I think our manners and how we treat others represents us as a culture as well as a country. It is incredibly important to implement manners within our families and households so we can represent ourselves well. Not only that, it is important to treat those around us with a level of consideration and care. Manners are more important than what I think some people realize and unfortunately, they often get easily pushed to the side. Hopefully you were raised in a household which manners were important and implemented. More than that, I hope it is taken beyond the four walls of your home. As a simple, "thank you" "you're welcome" "excuse me" and the ability to apologize can go a long way.
I smiled and laughed, "Yes! She most certainly did."
It has forever warmed my heart when a door is opened for me. I don't know why this makes me feel so good, but it does and truly always has given me a good feeling. In the south it is something which happens more often here than in other areas of the country. It doesn't mean it does not happen, but it is certainly most prevalent here. As I walked to the women's locker room I thought to myself, how does one even teach that to a child? Imagine how incredibly effective it is to implement such politeness in a person that they as an adult carry on the consideration?
I try to be aware of my consideration towards others. I'm not always successful, especially if I am having a bad day. Yet, I find it to be enduring and interesting how important it is to maintain a level of courtesy to another. Something as simple as manners are incredibly important. Sadly for many it is often neglected and overlooked. I think our manners and how we treat others represents us as a culture as well as a country. It is incredibly important to implement manners within our families and households so we can represent ourselves well. Not only that, it is important to treat those around us with a level of consideration and care. Manners are more important than what I think some people realize and unfortunately, they often get easily pushed to the side. Hopefully you were raised in a household which manners were important and implemented. More than that, I hope it is taken beyond the four walls of your home. As a simple, "thank you" "you're welcome" "excuse me" and the ability to apologize can go a long way.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 198...Counting Calories
Yesterday I did a count of my calorie intake. This was incredibly eye opening for me. Over the course of the past couple years I have found I am cutting my portions down. I do tend to get more full quicker at times, which has been an interesting change to notice.
Now, I am counting calories for at least the next 30 days to get a better idea of what it is I am consuming. Just paying attention to this has been very eye opening. I counted calories one night last week. With just TWO Oreo cookies with 3 tablespoons of whip cream was 500 calories! That is a third of what we should eat in a day. I normally have many more Oreos than just TWO!! I also love, love, love, love beer....ooohhhh....yummy, yummy beer! With one beer, the Oreos, and what I had for my meal was close to a 1,000 calories. When we are to have roughly 2,000 calories a day in our diet, this is a substantial amount of calorie intake for our day.
I wanted to try and cut back on fast food, fried foods, soda and establish how I eat and work out super hard to get the weight off. I have been battling two stupid pounds for three weeks...THREE weeks! I contacted my best friend, Di, who is brilliant (don't believe me, meet her and you will change your mind). She gave me some very good tips and advice last night on what I should do to get those two pounds, plus eight of its friends gone.
Bread/wheat, get rid of it! I have done this before, and it was very effective.
Sugar, cut it back substantially, or even better yet, get rid of it completely.
Dairy, cut it back. I am from Wisconsin and dairy runs in my blood...I gotta have my cheese!
Di is currently on day 3 of a 30 day detox...she said she is miserable. Since misery loves company I am quite seriously debating on joining her. I won't be able to give up dairy. I will take that extra lil lovin' on my hips to keep my precious, delicious dairy around. I will try to cut back, but I know me well enough that I am at peace with keeping dairy around to keep me somewhat happy. However, starting Monday, along with my next 30 day fitness challenge II, I am probably going to eliminate wheat and sugar. *gasp* Oy vey with the poodles!! Although, if it can kick start this weight loss to a better level, then I am willing to do what it take to get there. I have loaded a fitness app onto my phone which Di recommended to me: My Fitness Pal. I already loaded in yesterdays meal and workout. We shall see how things go over the next 30 days and whether or not I have dropped ten pounds by August 16.
Then I will have 16-20 lbs to lose by the beginning of December to keep myself on track. I am giving myself permission to be able to gain 5 lbs over the holidays. That way IF I do gain that weight during the holidays it is something I am expecting and not end up getting discouraging. Then when the new year hits I will only have around 10 or so pounds to work off in 2016. Once that is accomplished, the major task will be keeping it off and maintaining it. That will be a learning curve I will have to re-establish in my life as it has been a while since I have been in that position. Ug, that makes me sad.
When I moved to Nashville seven years ago (I cannot believe it has been seven years) I was in the best shape of my life! I was proud about my body and excited by its curves and my health. I had made peace with the fact that my ideal weight is 165, even though that number sounds so high. In high school I really wanted to weigh 135 lbs, I had read in Seventeen magazine for my height that was the weight I should be. Thank goodness for Ms. Hunt who helped me discover that was not a healthy body weight for my height and build. The least I have ever weighed is 145 lbs. I was around a size 9, constantly sick, no energy and ultimately an unhealthy and unhappy person. I'm not sure when I finally became at peace with me, but I owe a lot of credit to my best friend, Di who helped me get to that place.
The last time I worked this hard to get into shape we were discussing goal weights. I wanted to weigh 150lbs and she said no, absolutely not! I suggested 155 lbs and she still said no. I was incredibly discouraged as I was not hearing what I wanted to hear, yet she knew best and she knew it!! I love her confidence! We got to 160 and she said she would compromise, but would prefer 165. That number seemed so high to me, and it still does. However, she is absolutely right! When I hit 165 I no longer had the desire to weigh any less. I bounced between 160 and 165 and I loved my size, my weight and how my clothes fit me. Now, I am striving to get on track to getting back to that goal weight. I don't know if it is possible, but I am not going to give up until it happens. I have these fun and beautiful clothes that I am dying to wear again. I want to be happy when I look at myself in the mirror. There is much thanks which I give for the happiness, joy and peace I have in my life and my heart. Now if I can get my health and fitness into alignment it will allow me to look in the mirror and be glad for what I see. Instead of the constant daily reminder that I have allowed life to get in the way of my health and well being.
One step at a time to reach this goal. I'm curious what results I will see by December.
Now, I am counting calories for at least the next 30 days to get a better idea of what it is I am consuming. Just paying attention to this has been very eye opening. I counted calories one night last week. With just TWO Oreo cookies with 3 tablespoons of whip cream was 500 calories! That is a third of what we should eat in a day. I normally have many more Oreos than just TWO!! I also love, love, love, love beer....ooohhhh....yummy, yummy beer! With one beer, the Oreos, and what I had for my meal was close to a 1,000 calories. When we are to have roughly 2,000 calories a day in our diet, this is a substantial amount of calorie intake for our day.
I wanted to try and cut back on fast food, fried foods, soda and establish how I eat and work out super hard to get the weight off. I have been battling two stupid pounds for three weeks...THREE weeks! I contacted my best friend, Di, who is brilliant (don't believe me, meet her and you will change your mind). She gave me some very good tips and advice last night on what I should do to get those two pounds, plus eight of its friends gone.
Bread/wheat, get rid of it! I have done this before, and it was very effective.
Sugar, cut it back substantially, or even better yet, get rid of it completely.
Dairy, cut it back. I am from Wisconsin and dairy runs in my blood...I gotta have my cheese!
Di is currently on day 3 of a 30 day detox...she said she is miserable. Since misery loves company I am quite seriously debating on joining her. I won't be able to give up dairy. I will take that extra lil lovin' on my hips to keep my precious, delicious dairy around. I will try to cut back, but I know me well enough that I am at peace with keeping dairy around to keep me somewhat happy. However, starting Monday, along with my next 30 day fitness challenge II, I am probably going to eliminate wheat and sugar. *gasp* Oy vey with the poodles!! Although, if it can kick start this weight loss to a better level, then I am willing to do what it take to get there. I have loaded a fitness app onto my phone which Di recommended to me: My Fitness Pal. I already loaded in yesterdays meal and workout. We shall see how things go over the next 30 days and whether or not I have dropped ten pounds by August 16.
Then I will have 16-20 lbs to lose by the beginning of December to keep myself on track. I am giving myself permission to be able to gain 5 lbs over the holidays. That way IF I do gain that weight during the holidays it is something I am expecting and not end up getting discouraging. Then when the new year hits I will only have around 10 or so pounds to work off in 2016. Once that is accomplished, the major task will be keeping it off and maintaining it. That will be a learning curve I will have to re-establish in my life as it has been a while since I have been in that position. Ug, that makes me sad.
When I moved to Nashville seven years ago (I cannot believe it has been seven years) I was in the best shape of my life! I was proud about my body and excited by its curves and my health. I had made peace with the fact that my ideal weight is 165, even though that number sounds so high. In high school I really wanted to weigh 135 lbs, I had read in Seventeen magazine for my height that was the weight I should be. Thank goodness for Ms. Hunt who helped me discover that was not a healthy body weight for my height and build. The least I have ever weighed is 145 lbs. I was around a size 9, constantly sick, no energy and ultimately an unhealthy and unhappy person. I'm not sure when I finally became at peace with me, but I owe a lot of credit to my best friend, Di who helped me get to that place.
The last time I worked this hard to get into shape we were discussing goal weights. I wanted to weigh 150lbs and she said no, absolutely not! I suggested 155 lbs and she still said no. I was incredibly discouraged as I was not hearing what I wanted to hear, yet she knew best and she knew it!! I love her confidence! We got to 160 and she said she would compromise, but would prefer 165. That number seemed so high to me, and it still does. However, she is absolutely right! When I hit 165 I no longer had the desire to weigh any less. I bounced between 160 and 165 and I loved my size, my weight and how my clothes fit me. Now, I am striving to get on track to getting back to that goal weight. I don't know if it is possible, but I am not going to give up until it happens. I have these fun and beautiful clothes that I am dying to wear again. I want to be happy when I look at myself in the mirror. There is much thanks which I give for the happiness, joy and peace I have in my life and my heart. Now if I can get my health and fitness into alignment it will allow me to look in the mirror and be glad for what I see. Instead of the constant daily reminder that I have allowed life to get in the way of my health and well being.
One step at a time to reach this goal. I'm curious what results I will see by December.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 197...Drama, Drama, Drama
While at the gym today I found myself switching up my workout. I did my FINAL day of my 30 day challenge (yes...it was a couple, three, four days late...blah), then I did weights and finally, ended on the treadmill. It was a struggle to force myself to go to the gym today. I almost decided to take a nap in my car instead of going to the gym. But, I kept telling myself I needed to go and just do it.
While on the treadmill I stare at a huge line of televisions. This absorption of television is more than what I normally take in a year.
As I made myself push the speed up on the treadmill and try to distract myself and hope the time went by faster, I would switch my gaze from television to television. I found something in common between all the morning news shows.
One - each and every single one was reporting on at least one, if not more, absolutely ridiculous topics! Whether one 'should' shower in the morning or at night really needed to be researched and reported? Seriously...is this a slow news week?
Two - each and every single show overly reported on the big news items only creating panic in their viewers. Is it necessary to go over and over and over and over the same statistics about the latest outbreak from prison?
Don't get me wrong, I am not pleased that this individual has escaped from a prison in Mexico. It is terrifying if I think about it too much. Yes, it is part of our reality and we need to be aware. However, to have it continuously slammed down our throat only increases the concern. We don't need to live in fear. There is a police force for a reason and we have to trust they are going to do their job.
All I could think of was how much drama is involved with the news and how it is exploited. The level of drama in our news is incredibly unnecessary. Unfortunately, these news stations are so hung up on ratings so they can obtain advertising dollars, that it has become increasingly appealing to over dramatize the most simplistic news.
If only we could be satisfied by the news delivered in a regular and normal manner. Yet, our high paced society keeps us salivating for something more in alignment with drama. I say, leave our drama for the theatre and stages.
There was one story which was covered this morning on the amount of time American's work verses the time we spend in 'play' or on vacation and how it is affecting our relationships. Where this was something of interest, I think it feeds into our current lifestyle. We are in this need to make more money, cost of living is going up. A lot of families are living beyond their means, which puts them into debt and adds stress. Often we don't have the ability to free ourselves from work so we can fully be present when we are home.
While on the treadmill I stare at a huge line of televisions. This absorption of television is more than what I normally take in a year.
As I made myself push the speed up on the treadmill and try to distract myself and hope the time went by faster, I would switch my gaze from television to television. I found something in common between all the morning news shows.
One - each and every single one was reporting on at least one, if not more, absolutely ridiculous topics! Whether one 'should' shower in the morning or at night really needed to be researched and reported? Seriously...is this a slow news week?
Two - each and every single show overly reported on the big news items only creating panic in their viewers. Is it necessary to go over and over and over and over the same statistics about the latest outbreak from prison?
Don't get me wrong, I am not pleased that this individual has escaped from a prison in Mexico. It is terrifying if I think about it too much. Yes, it is part of our reality and we need to be aware. However, to have it continuously slammed down our throat only increases the concern. We don't need to live in fear. There is a police force for a reason and we have to trust they are going to do their job.
All I could think of was how much drama is involved with the news and how it is exploited. The level of drama in our news is incredibly unnecessary. Unfortunately, these news stations are so hung up on ratings so they can obtain advertising dollars, that it has become increasingly appealing to over dramatize the most simplistic news.
If only we could be satisfied by the news delivered in a regular and normal manner. Yet, our high paced society keeps us salivating for something more in alignment with drama. I say, leave our drama for the theatre and stages.
There was one story which was covered this morning on the amount of time American's work verses the time we spend in 'play' or on vacation and how it is affecting our relationships. Where this was something of interest, I think it feeds into our current lifestyle. We are in this need to make more money, cost of living is going up. A lot of families are living beyond their means, which puts them into debt and adds stress. Often we don't have the ability to free ourselves from work so we can fully be present when we are home.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 195...Work, Work, Work
There was one story which was covered this morning on the amount of time American's work verses the time we spend in 'play' or on vacation and how it is affecting our relationships. Where this was something of interest, I think it feeds into our current lifestyle. We are in this need to make more money, cost of living is going up. A lot of families are living beyond their means, which puts them into debt and adds stress. Often we don't have the ability to free ourselves from work so we can fully be present when we are home.
I didn't catch all of the story, but I was able to get most of it from the closed captioning.
Where I do believe we spend too much time at work. More often I am seeing people turning into workaholics to provide for their families or to be able to afford the "American Dream". Cost of living is increasing and it is getting harder and harder just to get by.
In Nashville alone cost of living has doubled and tripled in some areas of this town. Some individuals never learn how to turn off the cell phone, how to leave work at the door. This can cause distractions and cut into family time. Unfortunately, with work schedules and overloaded after school activities for kids, there doesn't seem to be family time like there once was in our households. What is this teaching the next generation? That it IS ok to stay at work until 6, not have dinner together at all and run around like crazy creating stress? For some reason, instead of saying 'no' to an over abundance of school activities and keeping the focus of family at home, people run themselves into the ground, go without sleep, miss ball games, miss deadlines, attend meetings and then find themselves overly medicated to cope. Wouldn't it make more sense to cut back on some of the extra curricular activities in our lives, our kids lives, at church and enjoy a meal around a table? This is something which has become so lost in our country.
Rockwell art displays life in the home. It appears wholesome because is was wholesome. It was a time when family was put first, not third.
It is quite disheartening to see the divorce rate in this country increase year after year. The reason behind it I'm sure varies, between rushing into something two people were not ready for, meant for, prepared for and quite possibly never gave 110% towards because all of life's distractions. (work, activities, etc) I think we also take advantage of others and forget to put the necessary time and effort into a marriage or a relationship.
Regardless, I hope you will step back and really think about your life and schedule. Where are your priorities? When was the last time you had a homemade meal at the dinner table in your house with the people you love? Impossible, you say? Why? Yes, it does take time and effort, but this is your life, your family, it deserves the time and importance to make it a priority. Find a way to slowly break free from the schedule of rush, rush, rush, fast food and the other unhealthy choices we make in life. I think if we changed our ways, changed our lives, changed our eating habits and priorities, we would find ourselves in a much healthier state than what we are currently.
I didn't catch all of the story, but I was able to get most of it from the closed captioning.
Where I do believe we spend too much time at work. More often I am seeing people turning into workaholics to provide for their families or to be able to afford the "American Dream". Cost of living is increasing and it is getting harder and harder just to get by.
In Nashville alone cost of living has doubled and tripled in some areas of this town. Some individuals never learn how to turn off the cell phone, how to leave work at the door. This can cause distractions and cut into family time. Unfortunately, with work schedules and overloaded after school activities for kids, there doesn't seem to be family time like there once was in our households. What is this teaching the next generation? That it IS ok to stay at work until 6, not have dinner together at all and run around like crazy creating stress? For some reason, instead of saying 'no' to an over abundance of school activities and keeping the focus of family at home, people run themselves into the ground, go without sleep, miss ball games, miss deadlines, attend meetings and then find themselves overly medicated to cope. Wouldn't it make more sense to cut back on some of the extra curricular activities in our lives, our kids lives, at church and enjoy a meal around a table? This is something which has become so lost in our country.
Rockwell art displays life in the home. It appears wholesome because is was wholesome. It was a time when family was put first, not third.
It is quite disheartening to see the divorce rate in this country increase year after year. The reason behind it I'm sure varies, between rushing into something two people were not ready for, meant for, prepared for and quite possibly never gave 110% towards because all of life's distractions. (work, activities, etc) I think we also take advantage of others and forget to put the necessary time and effort into a marriage or a relationship.
Regardless, I hope you will step back and really think about your life and schedule. Where are your priorities? When was the last time you had a homemade meal at the dinner table in your house with the people you love? Impossible, you say? Why? Yes, it does take time and effort, but this is your life, your family, it deserves the time and importance to make it a priority. Find a way to slowly break free from the schedule of rush, rush, rush, fast food and the other unhealthy choices we make in life. I think if we changed our ways, changed our lives, changed our eating habits and priorities, we would find ourselves in a much healthier state than what we are currently.
Monday, July 13, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 194...Jamaica
It is a goal, and has been for about two years, to go to Jamaica on my birthday and ride a horse in the ocean. I loved being in Jamaica, the people there were incredibly kind and loving. They welcomed you in like family. Fortunately, I was able to mingle and interact with the locals, thanks to the Mission Trip I was on at the time. That allowed one to really get to know the country from a different aspect than just a regular tourist.
With it being July I am getting nervous because I wanted to start saving to go last month. But, due to the repairs that have needed to get done on my vehicle, finances have been swayed to a different direction.
I have not given up! I do have hope that this will still be possible as I really want to do something special for my upcoming birthday. As I have not been on a real vacation for a couple of years now, it would be incredibly wonderful to get away even for a few days to some place where I don't have to think about anything.
With it being July I am getting nervous because I wanted to start saving to go last month. But, due to the repairs that have needed to get done on my vehicle, finances have been swayed to a different direction.
I have not given up! I do have hope that this will still be possible as I really want to do something special for my upcoming birthday. As I have not been on a real vacation for a couple of years now, it would be incredibly wonderful to get away even for a few days to some place where I don't have to think about anything.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 193...Dogs
Where once upon a time I loved dogs. I enjoyed them immensely and loved having my Australian Shepherd, JoJo. She was such a great dog and when I couldn't find a place I could afford in Nashville that would allow me to have her, I had to give her up. Thankfully, my parents kindly took her for me and she ended up on the farm I grew up on in Wisconsin. Initially I meant to go and get her back, but my Dad fell in love with her and put claim on her.
Now, with me so allergic to fleas and people not always realizing their dogs have fleas I get bit up from them. Yes, you can Frontline your dog, however, that repels fleas, it does not kill them. That was the start of my slow process of backing off from liking dogs. Then I started working for a doctor who is obsessed with her dogs.
These dogs are the most obnoxious, stinky ass dogs that I have ever been around. I have lost all interest in dogs At times it makes me sad because I did once enjoy dogs. However, when your nose burns from the smell of dogs, it does not make you want to be around them. Once upon a time I thought there would come a day when I would want a dog back into my life. Now, after being around these dogs I want nothing to do with that animal. I cannot stand it when they jump on me, four paws belong on the floor.
Hopefully, life will take me on the journey which will allow me to travel and explore so I won't ever miss or want a dog. As for right now, I don't have the interest or time for a dog. I don't want to walk them, let them out, let them in, have them stare at me and breathe on me. Its unfortunate, but I just have lost all interest in any thought to ever wanting a dog around. I respect those who enjoy them, I just have gotten to a point in my life where I don't want to be around them.
Now, with me so allergic to fleas and people not always realizing their dogs have fleas I get bit up from them. Yes, you can Frontline your dog, however, that repels fleas, it does not kill them. That was the start of my slow process of backing off from liking dogs. Then I started working for a doctor who is obsessed with her dogs.
These dogs are the most obnoxious, stinky ass dogs that I have ever been around. I have lost all interest in dogs At times it makes me sad because I did once enjoy dogs. However, when your nose burns from the smell of dogs, it does not make you want to be around them. Once upon a time I thought there would come a day when I would want a dog back into my life. Now, after being around these dogs I want nothing to do with that animal. I cannot stand it when they jump on me, four paws belong on the floor.
Hopefully, life will take me on the journey which will allow me to travel and explore so I won't ever miss or want a dog. As for right now, I don't have the interest or time for a dog. I don't want to walk them, let them out, let them in, have them stare at me and breathe on me. Its unfortunate, but I just have lost all interest in any thought to ever wanting a dog around. I respect those who enjoy them, I just have gotten to a point in my life where I don't want to be around them.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 192...USTRC Eastern Regional Finals
This weekend I spent some time at the Tennessee Miller Coliseum in Murfreesboro, TN. The United States Team Roping Championships Eastern Regional Finals were taking place and I had the honor to cover their event.
This was a fun event for me to cover as I the Show Producer is a former client of mine from when I worked in Memphis, TN.
____
This was a fun event for me to cover as I the Show Producer is a former client of mine from when I worked in Memphis, TN.
____
Friday, July 10, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 191...Julia
I am absolutely blessed with the most amazing roommate in the world. Going from my past situation to current situation and to be blessed with someone so kind, so sweet, generous, considerate and amazing I am so grateful.
Where I am not usually one who likes having a roommate, as I am a private person, I am not a party person, I like to just stick to myself. This incredible woman is one of the best roommates I have ever had in my life. The only one even close to comparable to her was a roommate I had in college, Barbie. She was incredible and I have been sad ever since we lost touch shortly after she moved to Colorado.
How I have been fortunate to go from the situation I was in to live in a very nice house, with incredibly kind and wonderful people, I do not know. But, to have such a thing blessed upon me is something I am thankful for and grateful for every single day.
Where I am not usually one who likes having a roommate, as I am a private person, I am not a party person, I like to just stick to myself. This incredible woman is one of the best roommates I have ever had in my life. The only one even close to comparable to her was a roommate I had in college, Barbie. She was incredible and I have been sad ever since we lost touch shortly after she moved to Colorado.
How I have been fortunate to go from the situation I was in to live in a very nice house, with incredibly kind and wonderful people, I do not know. But, to have such a thing blessed upon me is something I am thankful for and grateful for every single day.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 190....One hundred and ninety days in
When I started this project in January I thought a page a day would be easy! Who couldn't do a little writing once a day, especially when one wants to be a writer!
Well, life has other plans and I have found this project not as easy as I expected. I could have never expected my life to continue to tumble, fall, land on its face, crawl, and fall off the deep end. Hadn't I been through enough?? Apparently not.
The past seven months has thrown a lot at me and at times I felt it was too much and was at a complete loss as to what to do and how to fix it. Thankfully, God seems to have a plan here and I think life is finally on an upswing. Of course, that upswing was met with its own share of struggles and frustrations, but I think I am finally hitting a stride.
As I reflect on my life, decisions I have made, and all I have been through I wonder what I could have done differently that would have enhanced my life. I got ripped apart by a friend yesterday who went off on me for moving in with my ex-boyfriend before I had a ring or got married. I don't think I quite deserved having such an unnecessary conversation when that entire aspect of my life is done, come and gone.
Now, I have a job that I can actually say I enjoy. The company I work for is amazing and I have the best boss EVER!!! I have been blessed with a part time freelance writing gig that I am over the moon for and absolutely love! My truck is finally in good and safe working order, I still need to address the AC and transmission, but things are progressing. I have a great roommate, live in a safe part of town, and my chickies are healthy and happy. Thankfully I have my health and I am fortunate to be able to be hitting the gym 3-4 times a week. There is a guy I am still talking to online...I don't know where that is going, my heart lies heavy wondering what may come and if I will ever meet him.
But, regardless, over the past two and a half years things are starting to look upward. I hope things continue to move in this direction. I don't have the ability to take anymore bs, I have been through enough.
I pray that I can make good decisions that enhance and make my life better. I hope I never go through what I have been through ever again. Deep inside resides a little fear I will do something which will turn my life upside down again. I realize I could not forecast what was coming or what happened with my ex. I did try to take steps to prevent it and help myself, but I was torn in the midst of figuring out how to get out and how to make that relationship work. Unfortunately, I always put him first, to avoid a fight, to put in effort towards the relationship, to try and do the right thing.
As I don't like to reflect on the negative in the past, I do try to learn from it. There are things which still bring me pain if I let myself go into that dark area. I don't go there often and when I do find myself on that path I make myself stop, turn around and head into the more positive aspect of life. Instead I focus on the good, the positive and the amazing people I have come to encounter during my time in the south. I give God great thanks for the blessings. Although, in my darkest hour trying to find those blessings were impossible at times.
Now, here we are in present day and I am trying to stay focused on getting ahead in life, traveling more, building up savings, paying down debt and living life how I desire. As I have gotten older, I hope I have gotten wiser. I have definitely gotten more calm, which I am grateful for as getting upset, nervous or freaked out about things isn't how I want to live life. I want to take things as they come, go with the wind, and seek joy. Hopefully, I will be blessed to have a man in my life and be able to share my life with him. I don't know if that will ever happen or if it is part of my life plan. I hope it is...watching everyone around me get to have that in their life as I sit alone is not something I enjoy. While I remain thankful as my heart is fulfilled and I am free of loneliness, I still have that desire to have that special someone who I can be good to and share my life.
No matter what you may go through, and thinking about how someone else may have it worse does not always help, give thanks, give praise, count the blessings. Some days are easier than others, but maybe if you can find one thing to maintain a level of gratefulness for, it may help the day go by just a little easier.
Well, life has other plans and I have found this project not as easy as I expected. I could have never expected my life to continue to tumble, fall, land on its face, crawl, and fall off the deep end. Hadn't I been through enough?? Apparently not.
The past seven months has thrown a lot at me and at times I felt it was too much and was at a complete loss as to what to do and how to fix it. Thankfully, God seems to have a plan here and I think life is finally on an upswing. Of course, that upswing was met with its own share of struggles and frustrations, but I think I am finally hitting a stride.
As I reflect on my life, decisions I have made, and all I have been through I wonder what I could have done differently that would have enhanced my life. I got ripped apart by a friend yesterday who went off on me for moving in with my ex-boyfriend before I had a ring or got married. I don't think I quite deserved having such an unnecessary conversation when that entire aspect of my life is done, come and gone.
Now, I have a job that I can actually say I enjoy. The company I work for is amazing and I have the best boss EVER!!! I have been blessed with a part time freelance writing gig that I am over the moon for and absolutely love! My truck is finally in good and safe working order, I still need to address the AC and transmission, but things are progressing. I have a great roommate, live in a safe part of town, and my chickies are healthy and happy. Thankfully I have my health and I am fortunate to be able to be hitting the gym 3-4 times a week. There is a guy I am still talking to online...I don't know where that is going, my heart lies heavy wondering what may come and if I will ever meet him.
But, regardless, over the past two and a half years things are starting to look upward. I hope things continue to move in this direction. I don't have the ability to take anymore bs, I have been through enough.
I pray that I can make good decisions that enhance and make my life better. I hope I never go through what I have been through ever again. Deep inside resides a little fear I will do something which will turn my life upside down again. I realize I could not forecast what was coming or what happened with my ex. I did try to take steps to prevent it and help myself, but I was torn in the midst of figuring out how to get out and how to make that relationship work. Unfortunately, I always put him first, to avoid a fight, to put in effort towards the relationship, to try and do the right thing.
As I don't like to reflect on the negative in the past, I do try to learn from it. There are things which still bring me pain if I let myself go into that dark area. I don't go there often and when I do find myself on that path I make myself stop, turn around and head into the more positive aspect of life. Instead I focus on the good, the positive and the amazing people I have come to encounter during my time in the south. I give God great thanks for the blessings. Although, in my darkest hour trying to find those blessings were impossible at times.
Now, here we are in present day and I am trying to stay focused on getting ahead in life, traveling more, building up savings, paying down debt and living life how I desire. As I have gotten older, I hope I have gotten wiser. I have definitely gotten more calm, which I am grateful for as getting upset, nervous or freaked out about things isn't how I want to live life. I want to take things as they come, go with the wind, and seek joy. Hopefully, I will be blessed to have a man in my life and be able to share my life with him. I don't know if that will ever happen or if it is part of my life plan. I hope it is...watching everyone around me get to have that in their life as I sit alone is not something I enjoy. While I remain thankful as my heart is fulfilled and I am free of loneliness, I still have that desire to have that special someone who I can be good to and share my life.
No matter what you may go through, and thinking about how someone else may have it worse does not always help, give thanks, give praise, count the blessings. Some days are easier than others, but maybe if you can find one thing to maintain a level of gratefulness for, it may help the day go by just a little easier.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 189...Read
On July 7th this handsome man I have been speaking to over the course of seven months got in touch with me. We got into a playful conversation that got quite real on me. I wanted to know what happened and what was said when he told his family about me. He said that his Dad said to him, "about damn time, boy!" Apparently, his older brother, Brian, was going through his tablet looking at photos of his loads and he was snooping and found his KIK. He asked who I was and he told him I was the woman he had been talking to and trying to get back to TN to meet.
I prodded further to what else was said...finally he said it,
"That I think once we meet, you might be the one"
I made a joke about a photo I had posted, and he brought my attention to what he said,
"Read"
"I am reading"
"Above the cows" (I had posted a pic to be silly with some cows to try and make a point in our conversation)
"I am reading above the cows" (for the first time in my life I am not freaked out by someone saying this to me).
"Are you ready for something like that?"
"Idk just have to c"
"Because for the first time ever...that doesn't freak me out"
:)
I wish he would hurry the hell up and let us figure something out for us to meet. A phone call would be nice, and his unwillingness to call me is raising some concerns for me. Yet, I have feelings for him, and really want this to progress in the direction I am praying and hoping for with him. A life, a life spent with someone I have found who is amazing.
Time will tell...
I prodded further to what else was said...finally he said it,
"That I think once we meet, you might be the one"
I made a joke about a photo I had posted, and he brought my attention to what he said,
"Read"
"I am reading"
"Above the cows" (I had posted a pic to be silly with some cows to try and make a point in our conversation)
"I am reading above the cows" (for the first time in my life I am not freaked out by someone saying this to me).
"Are you ready for something like that?"
"Idk just have to c"
"Because for the first time ever...that doesn't freak me out"
:)
I wish he would hurry the hell up and let us figure something out for us to meet. A phone call would be nice, and his unwillingness to call me is raising some concerns for me. Yet, I have feelings for him, and really want this to progress in the direction I am praying and hoping for with him. A life, a life spent with someone I have found who is amazing.
Time will tell...
Pic of "Chad" that he sent me via KIK on July 7, 2015
Our conversation on KIK - July 7, 2015
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