While in Target today I noticed school supplies are out. I love school supplies, I always have, it was the BEST part of getting ready for school. I remember one year I was such a tomboy I wanted a GI Joe lunch box. I loved that thing even if once in a while I was embarrassed for carrying it around at school.
I found myself incredibly sad today. I think the realization of wanting to have kids is kinda hitting me. Maybe because the age of "40" is approaching and the opportunity is getting closer to ending.
I want to know what it will be like to experience (yes) the stress to go through the school supply list, buy new school clothes and backpacks. Why do I miss out on this? What in the world have I done that is so wrong in my life that this is just zipping past me?
It couldn't be anymore official that "Chad" is not Chad, he is indeed Ricky. There is no Chad, just some jackass who has a well rehearsed story, I have been duped, I have been what they currently call; "catfished". I cannot express how much that fucking sucks.
So, my life is passing me by and I don't know what to do about it. I hate the people who comment about my age, my 'gray hair' (guess, what NONE OF US ARE IMMUNE SO WHY FUCKING POINT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Especially by those who have the husband and kids. Do you think it is polite or that I enjoy the reminder that I don't get what you have? Cut me some damn slack, please!
This is just a series of difficult times for me emotionally deal with watching life pass me by. Another school year is starting, and I don't get to be part of the parent crowd arguing with kids and picking out supplies. Then the holidays will come and it will remind me how homesick I am and how I don't have my own family to share these times with as they come and go.
Who knew something as simple as unsharpened pencils would bring on such an emotional downward spiral.
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