When I started this project in January I thought a page a day would be easy! Who couldn't do a little writing once a day, especially when one wants to be a writer!
Well, life has other plans and I have found this project not as easy as I expected. I could have never expected my life to continue to tumble, fall, land on its face, crawl, and fall off the deep end. Hadn't I been through enough?? Apparently not.
The past seven months has thrown a lot at me and at times I felt it was too much and was at a complete loss as to what to do and how to fix it. Thankfully, God seems to have a plan here and I think life is finally on an upswing. Of course, that upswing was met with its own share of struggles and frustrations, but I think I am finally hitting a stride.
As I reflect on my life, decisions I have made, and all I have been through I wonder what I could have done differently that would have enhanced my life. I got ripped apart by a friend yesterday who went off on me for moving in with my ex-boyfriend before I had a ring or got married. I don't think I quite deserved having such an unnecessary conversation when that entire aspect of my life is done, come and gone.
Now, I have a job that I can actually say I enjoy. The company I work for is amazing and I have the best boss EVER!!! I have been blessed with a part time freelance writing gig that I am over the moon for and absolutely love! My truck is finally in good and safe working order, I still need to address the AC and transmission, but things are progressing. I have a great roommate, live in a safe part of town, and my chickies are healthy and happy. Thankfully I have my health and I am fortunate to be able to be hitting the gym 3-4 times a week. There is a guy I am still talking to online...I don't know where that is going, my heart lies heavy wondering what may come and if I will ever meet him.
But, regardless, over the past two and a half years things are starting to look upward. I hope things continue to move in this direction. I don't have the ability to take anymore bs, I have been through enough.
I pray that I can make good decisions that enhance and make my life better. I hope I never go through what I have been through ever again. Deep inside resides a little fear I will do something which will turn my life upside down again. I realize I could not forecast what was coming or what happened with my ex. I did try to take steps to prevent it and help myself, but I was torn in the midst of figuring out how to get out and how to make that relationship work. Unfortunately, I always put him first, to avoid a fight, to put in effort towards the relationship, to try and do the right thing.
As I don't like to reflect on the negative in the past, I do try to learn from it. There are things which still bring me pain if I let myself go into that dark area. I don't go there often and when I do find myself on that path I make myself stop, turn around and head into the more positive aspect of life. Instead I focus on the good, the positive and the amazing people I have come to encounter during my time in the south. I give God great thanks for the blessings. Although, in my darkest hour trying to find those blessings were impossible at times.
Now, here we are in present day and I am trying to stay focused on getting ahead in life, traveling more, building up savings, paying down debt and living life how I desire. As I have gotten older, I hope I have gotten wiser. I have definitely gotten more calm, which I am grateful for as getting upset, nervous or freaked out about things isn't how I want to live life. I want to take things as they come, go with the wind, and seek joy. Hopefully, I will be blessed to have a man in my life and be able to share my life with him. I don't know if that will ever happen or if it is part of my life plan. I hope it is...watching everyone around me get to have that in their life as I sit alone is not something I enjoy. While I remain thankful as my heart is fulfilled and I am free of loneliness, I still have that desire to have that special someone who I can be good to and share my life.
No matter what you may go through, and thinking about how someone else may have it worse does not always help, give thanks, give praise, count the blessings. Some days are easier than others, but maybe if you can find one thing to maintain a level of gratefulness for, it may help the day go by just a little easier.
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