LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 209...Why Does This Have To Be So Hard? aka Must Hate Dogs - Chapter One

Let me first explain the title of this series.  I don't necessarily hate dogs.  Unfortunately, due to working for a doctor (who is not a vet) who is obsessed with her dogs has really ruined me and my love of dogs.  She lets them jump on people, they are obnoxious, they stink like you would not believe.  Only in the past couple months has she began to even walk these dogs herself.  It has been a frustrating process and made me sad when I had to accept that I don't like dogs as much as I once did in the past.  When you are around rowdy, uncontrolled, obnoxious dogs who truly smell awful, five days a week, for eight hours a day, you would also get burnt out.

This lead to my online search for someone to date.  I noticed a lot of men were posing with dogs and puppies.  I'm sure it is considered cute, and it is suppose to make the guy more attractive.  Unfortunately, due to my experience over the past 12 months I have lost an interest in someone who has dogs.  When I see someone with a dog, 99% of the time I don't have an interest.  It really depends on the guy and his interaction with the dog.  I don't want to wake up to a dog in my bed.  I dated someone who had a dog who would sleep with us, unfortunately, this dog favored me at night and I would lose sleep from it.  I don't find it enjoyable to have a dog in my bed.  I enjoy them, and I want to like them, however, for now it is a turn off.

Is there even an explanation to this?

Except where he commented on his love for wolves....

 

 

This is more on the creepy side than attractive side.

 

Is this his way of showing he is a dare devil or someone I will be visiting in the hospital frequently if we dated?

 

 

 

I don't know why this has to be so hard to find someone to date, hang out with, pursue a long term relationship.  I see people around me and it seems to happen so easily for them.  I'm not sure what I am doing so wrong, obviously I have had my share of mistakes, but I don't know what to do to be that "right" one for someone that I am also attracted to as well.  I am trying to be so alert on what I am doing right now I feel I am trying too hard.  It is frustrating!!  I know what I want, I have found men who want the same thing...what if they just gave me a chance?  One or two chances?  I think I could be something wonderful for someone, at least I would like to be.  I know my independence tends to bother some guys, but I cannot be a needy person, I like going out to see a movie on my own, or go caving with friends if the 'boyfriend' isn't around.  I'm loyal as the day is long and hope to find someone who would be happy if not proud to have me in their life.  Someone attractive, who I want to kiss and love on, maybe I am asking to much.  But, I have settled in the past and it never went well.  I found myself unhappy and the relationship failed.  I would like to think it is acceptable to have standards. I'm frequently told to have them.  Now that I am on the dating sites and trying to figure out this entire process, which part of me deeply hates, I'm trying to put myself out there and be present in the moment, approachable without being too eager.  There is such a delicate balance to this entire process it is ridiculous.

Here we are, in the beginning stages of starting over, which I realize there are a lot of people who are in similar situations.  It isn't fun to want someone, reach out to communicate with them, have a bit of hope to have it dashed with a dose of rejection.  I keep hoping I will be attractive enough to those who I find attractive myself, and maybe just maybe I will find myself in that awkward first date with hopes of a second.  It has been difficult enough for me to admit that I want to have love in my life.  To pursue it and openly admit to wanting it, and now go for it is a little intimidating and a little uncomfortable.  But, seeing all these people on the online dating sites, and the Bachelor and Bachelorette show, has helped me see I am not alone in the search.  It just doesn't make it easier to see other women who are skinny with perfect hair, beautiful faces, just makes me hope there is a opportunity for me to get noticed.

Here is the journey of me searching for love.  I just hope I can find someone who wants me the same way I want him.  A man who is kind, honest, hard working, loyal, handsome, fun, rugged, outdoorsy, romantic and someone who can surprise me with a wonderful person to love, and enjoy having in my life.