This is a daily read book I have been trying very hard to read each day. I have never made this goal happen. This book has been in my possession since I lived in LaCrosse, WI (which has been a few years ago since I once resided there). Once again I am making the attempt to read it each day. The book is layed out as a daily read, sort of like a devotional. I have sticky notes, and pen marks throughout the different pages. Yet, I have never been able to accomplish the one goal of reading this every day. Often life gets crazy, I forget, or I have ended up moving. This time I am trying to make it through. Where I have not been consistent throughout this year, I have done better this year than I have in the past.
Along with the title of "Simple Abundance", I am trying to seek that in my life. I want to be free of the clutter which has slowly built up. I desire to be able to see the seats in my truck again. Throw away things I don't need and organize the things I do. I am hoping IF I can get that far to accomplish that particular goal, then I can begin on my storage unit. That itself will be a massive undertaking which I am not looking forward to doing. But, I know there are things out there that simply need to be sorted, dealt with organized, donated or thrown away.
I desire simplicity. I long for my phone to stop buzzing away at me. I am sick of the follow up of continuous e-mails, endless phone calls from people I don't want to talk to, and yes, even text messages (although, I prefer a text over a call any day). I don't have to rush to answer, I can think about what I am going to say, and respond in a fairly timely manner.
I long for quiet. I long for peace, calm, simplicity. It seems there is a lot of chaos and complication to sort through to arrive at simplicity, but maybe, just maybe it is possible?
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Monday, March 30, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 89...Goals, Dreams and Ukulele
My nails continue to get longer and longer on my left hand. Where that may not mean anything to the average person, anyone who plays a string instrument knows what that means, I have not been playing or practicing. Where I am in the middle of sorting out so much in my life, I wonder when things will settle down, the chaos will be calm. It doesn't seem like that time in my life is here yet. I want to desperately be able to play my instruments like I once did before when I was practicing three hours a week. It was awesome, and at times challenging, but it brought me joy. Watching the tips of my nails emerge is a daily reminder that music has been dropped from my life.
As I reflect over my goals of having my own business, pursing writing, a lot of those things which bring me joy have been set on the back burner. I am trying to drudge up the energy to just get through the day and sort through life as I am still struggling to get everything on track. If I think about it too much it really makes me mad that I am still battling. A lot of it is the result of the decisions I made last year which are very disheartening to me. I truly thought something big and grand would come from all I was trying to make happen. Yet, it could not be anymore clear that all I was after is not meant to be. Which leaves me sitting here wondering...was it just the charity event that was not meant to be, or also the photography?
Will my writing ever amount to anything or will that also be a pipe dream? I am hoping I won't have to continue to sit here and watch my dreams, and hopes go up in smoke. Yet, I am exhausted, discouraged, beaten down and clawing my way to just get any hope to being ahead. I love photography, I love how much I have learned about it. I love that I have learned so much about it that I can, with ease, make quick adjustments to my camera. Yet, I am no where near being full time in that field. It leaves me wondering if I should give up, re-vamp the business plan, continue to push onward? I don't have an answer and sometimes I am afraid to ask the question to get it.
I know this life is not meant to be easy, but at times I wonder...does it have to be so hard, all the time?
As I reflect over my goals of having my own business, pursing writing, a lot of those things which bring me joy have been set on the back burner. I am trying to drudge up the energy to just get through the day and sort through life as I am still struggling to get everything on track. If I think about it too much it really makes me mad that I am still battling. A lot of it is the result of the decisions I made last year which are very disheartening to me. I truly thought something big and grand would come from all I was trying to make happen. Yet, it could not be anymore clear that all I was after is not meant to be. Which leaves me sitting here wondering...was it just the charity event that was not meant to be, or also the photography?
Will my writing ever amount to anything or will that also be a pipe dream? I am hoping I won't have to continue to sit here and watch my dreams, and hopes go up in smoke. Yet, I am exhausted, discouraged, beaten down and clawing my way to just get any hope to being ahead. I love photography, I love how much I have learned about it. I love that I have learned so much about it that I can, with ease, make quick adjustments to my camera. Yet, I am no where near being full time in that field. It leaves me wondering if I should give up, re-vamp the business plan, continue to push onward? I don't have an answer and sometimes I am afraid to ask the question to get it.
I know this life is not meant to be easy, but at times I wonder...does it have to be so hard, all the time?
Sunday, March 29, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 88...A Taste for Living
Have you ever been to a restaurant that really stood out to you? One where you can reflect back on the meal you enjoyed? I have a few that come to mind, one that truly stands out above all was a meal shared with my best friend Dianne at a restaurant called, "Palomino's" in Minnesota. I remember it was delicious, the ambiance was amazing and the entire experience was awesome. I can still recall tasting the garlic that was infused in our appetizer three days later.
Another wonderful place I love and adore is, Bona Casa. A restaurant near where I grew up which is by far my all time favorite restaurant EVER. I could eat there three times a week and never get sick of that place. It has the most amazing pasta, which is made fresh every week! The sauce on their pasta is absolutely to die for and I want to bathe in it every single time I go there. I always eat light the day before and skip a meal the day I am going to that restaurant. I load myself up on the delicious pasta until I am so full I hurt and make sure there is a very full to-go box with me when I walk out the door. That to-go box is breakfast and lunch for at least two days. I will get others a to-go box just to make sure no one eats from my to-go box...yes, seriously...I know...sad.
There is a Mexican restaurant here in Nashville which I thoroughly enjoy their fajitas. They are by far the BEST fajitas I have ever had anywhere. This place is located on 4th Ave in downtown Nashville. The parking is awful, the service is amazing and the food is fantastic.
Along with going out to eat I can recall meals I have participated in that were incredible. My brother makes the most delicious, bone sucking, eye brow licking ribs you have ever had in your life. Come hungry and be ready to chow down because I have had to fight people off with a fork and knife to protect that last rib sitting on my plate.
There were many meals at my friend, Jennifer's home, which were so delicious I will never lost the 5 pounds that were gained from sitting around her holiday table. If you are fortunate enough to experience a true Italian meal...bless you, as you know how incredibly delicious and memorable that meal was for you.
Do you have those meals, those moments? If not, please go forward and create them. That is a big part of what life is about for us. We need to eat to survive, we might as well enjoy it and turn it into an experience. You don't have to go to a fancy restaurant to make it memorable. It is more about the fellowship enjoyed around the table that seasons the food to its spectacular state.
Seek a taste for living, not just around the dinner table, but in all aspects in life. We only live once, this is not a dress rehearsal. Get out there and experience life and all it has to offer, from the meals we share to the life we live. Everything and anything in between makes up those moments and creates a taste for living.
Another wonderful place I love and adore is, Bona Casa. A restaurant near where I grew up which is by far my all time favorite restaurant EVER. I could eat there three times a week and never get sick of that place. It has the most amazing pasta, which is made fresh every week! The sauce on their pasta is absolutely to die for and I want to bathe in it every single time I go there. I always eat light the day before and skip a meal the day I am going to that restaurant. I load myself up on the delicious pasta until I am so full I hurt and make sure there is a very full to-go box with me when I walk out the door. That to-go box is breakfast and lunch for at least two days. I will get others a to-go box just to make sure no one eats from my to-go box...yes, seriously...I know...sad.
There is a Mexican restaurant here in Nashville which I thoroughly enjoy their fajitas. They are by far the BEST fajitas I have ever had anywhere. This place is located on 4th Ave in downtown Nashville. The parking is awful, the service is amazing and the food is fantastic.
Along with going out to eat I can recall meals I have participated in that were incredible. My brother makes the most delicious, bone sucking, eye brow licking ribs you have ever had in your life. Come hungry and be ready to chow down because I have had to fight people off with a fork and knife to protect that last rib sitting on my plate.
There were many meals at my friend, Jennifer's home, which were so delicious I will never lost the 5 pounds that were gained from sitting around her holiday table. If you are fortunate enough to experience a true Italian meal...bless you, as you know how incredibly delicious and memorable that meal was for you.
Do you have those meals, those moments? If not, please go forward and create them. That is a big part of what life is about for us. We need to eat to survive, we might as well enjoy it and turn it into an experience. You don't have to go to a fancy restaurant to make it memorable. It is more about the fellowship enjoyed around the table that seasons the food to its spectacular state.
Seek a taste for living, not just around the dinner table, but in all aspects in life. We only live once, this is not a dress rehearsal. Get out there and experience life and all it has to offer, from the meals we share to the life we live. Everything and anything in between makes up those moments and creates a taste for living.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 87...Seeking New Opportunity
Currently, I am still a secretary for a doctor who specializes in addiction. This office can get crazy and there isn't much that can surprise me anymore. I kinda like having that established as being in this office has truly shown to me that I have mellowed over the years. Things do not bother me as they once did in life. I am grateful I am NOT the person I was when I was in my 20's.
Yet, the pay I am receiving is basically a joke and it is very difficult to even make it paycheck to paycheck. The sad part of seeking new employment is knowing I will have to leave one of the best people I have ever worked with, Theresa.
There is something to be said about working with someone who truly is amazing and wonderful. I am thankful that she just 'gets me' at every freaking level. Even when I am at my worst and a complete cranky bitch, she will merrily say, "oh Oscar" (meaning the reference to Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street).
Thankfully, she understands my frustration and unfortunately has seen me cry at work more than necessary about my finances. At times it has become a joke when her phone or my phone rings from an 866 or 877 number and we sit and try to figure out which bill either hadn't been paid yet or was forgotten.
As I am blessed with working with this fabulous woman...I am searching for a better paying job. Even though the chaos of the dogs, cats and crazy patients topped with a doctor who really needs to find a therapist can push the limits of what one person should tolerate, Theresa makes it all worth while. Sometimes the craziness and the fact that the insanity is our reality makes it funny as can be, it doesn't pay my bills.
I aspire to buy land, build a house, have a garden and my chickens in the yard. In order to do that my credit needs to get built up again. It will be a long road to even get out of debt once I do get a better paying job, but at least when that day comes maybe I will feel more secure in the idea of having some hope.
Yet, the pay I am receiving is basically a joke and it is very difficult to even make it paycheck to paycheck. The sad part of seeking new employment is knowing I will have to leave one of the best people I have ever worked with, Theresa.
There is something to be said about working with someone who truly is amazing and wonderful. I am thankful that she just 'gets me' at every freaking level. Even when I am at my worst and a complete cranky bitch, she will merrily say, "oh Oscar" (meaning the reference to Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street).
Thankfully, she understands my frustration and unfortunately has seen me cry at work more than necessary about my finances. At times it has become a joke when her phone or my phone rings from an 866 or 877 number and we sit and try to figure out which bill either hadn't been paid yet or was forgotten.
As I am blessed with working with this fabulous woman...I am searching for a better paying job. Even though the chaos of the dogs, cats and crazy patients topped with a doctor who really needs to find a therapist can push the limits of what one person should tolerate, Theresa makes it all worth while. Sometimes the craziness and the fact that the insanity is our reality makes it funny as can be, it doesn't pay my bills.
I aspire to buy land, build a house, have a garden and my chickens in the yard. In order to do that my credit needs to get built up again. It will be a long road to even get out of debt once I do get a better paying job, but at least when that day comes maybe I will feel more secure in the idea of having some hope.
Friday, March 27, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 86...Finding Peace Within
Do you ever meditate? Do you ever take 20 minutes just for YOU?
In this hectic, cell phone based/focuses world we are never alone. The opportunity to sort through our own muddled thoughts no longer exists for so many people. I once met a woman who was engaged and I found her busy texting her fiancé. It was impossible to have a conversation with her. I became irritated enough I took a deep breath and confronted her about it. She was only half aware she was doing it and the other half didn't care. She told me how her fiancé would always respond right away so she would just stare at the screen waiting for him to respond.
Seriously? Come on...
She also continued to tell me how she gets in trouble at her job for being on her phone too much. This person was also not too shy about bragging how she texts and drives. When I pushed further she finally admitted she didn't like to be alone.
Well...no shit. Guess what lady I was the same way when I was in my 20's. I freaking hated it. But, being forced to deal with my thoughts, taking the time to sort them and meditate I found my way through that storm.
I love my cell phone. What I love more is being able to have been raised in an era without one. Do yourself a favor, put down the phone (yes, put it down) and go for a walk. GASP!! Without my phone!! People went for walks for hundreds of years without one, you will be fine, just fine without it for 20 minutes.
If that is too impossible, then put it in your mailbox. I highly recommend if this exercise freaks you out that much, you need to seriously be alone with your thoughts. An addiction can come in all forms, even in the use of your phone, and it is not healthy. Take a breath, take a walk, and utilize that time to sort through your thoughts and clear your head. You will be healthier and happier. You just have to trust yourself and believe you will be ok.
In this hectic, cell phone based/focuses world we are never alone. The opportunity to sort through our own muddled thoughts no longer exists for so many people. I once met a woman who was engaged and I found her busy texting her fiancé. It was impossible to have a conversation with her. I became irritated enough I took a deep breath and confronted her about it. She was only half aware she was doing it and the other half didn't care. She told me how her fiancé would always respond right away so she would just stare at the screen waiting for him to respond.
Seriously? Come on...
She also continued to tell me how she gets in trouble at her job for being on her phone too much. This person was also not too shy about bragging how she texts and drives. When I pushed further she finally admitted she didn't like to be alone.
Well...no shit. Guess what lady I was the same way when I was in my 20's. I freaking hated it. But, being forced to deal with my thoughts, taking the time to sort them and meditate I found my way through that storm.
I love my cell phone. What I love more is being able to have been raised in an era without one. Do yourself a favor, put down the phone (yes, put it down) and go for a walk. GASP!! Without my phone!! People went for walks for hundreds of years without one, you will be fine, just fine without it for 20 minutes.
If that is too impossible, then put it in your mailbox. I highly recommend if this exercise freaks you out that much, you need to seriously be alone with your thoughts. An addiction can come in all forms, even in the use of your phone, and it is not healthy. Take a breath, take a walk, and utilize that time to sort through your thoughts and clear your head. You will be healthier and happier. You just have to trust yourself and believe you will be ok.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 85...Who Do You Admire?
Do you have a friend, parent, co-worker, spouse, who you admire?
Have you told them lately?
We quickly go day by day enjoying the company of others, but often forget to express our appreciation. It is not in our daily conversation, it is not part of our vernacular. However, there are good people in our lives. As you begin stating to others how you appreciate them, it may come across as sloppy, silly, awkward. Yet, the more you do it, the better you will get at it. Don't be afraid to share with someone, even if that is someone you see everyday, how much you appreciate them. We often go through this life taking for granted that other person knows that we love them, they are appreciated, you care about them. Do they? Because if you have not said it...how would they really know?
Take a moment, go today and start the process. Miss Manners once stated you should compliment at least three people a day. When was the last time you complimented anyone? It isn't easy to kick this off. But, next time you see that women in the store with the killer shoes, great bag, beautiful hair, go and tell her. The next time your spouse does something nice to you, tell them thank you and you appreciate them. No matter what it may be; turning a light on so you can read, giving you the remote, making coffee in the morning, mowing the lawn, helping with laundry, picking up or making dinner, distracting or playing with the kids so you can have 10 minutes to yourself. Nothing is too small or too big to express your gratitude and appreciation.
Don't be shy - take this as an opportunity to be bold and express your appreciation and admiration.
Have you told them lately?
We quickly go day by day enjoying the company of others, but often forget to express our appreciation. It is not in our daily conversation, it is not part of our vernacular. However, there are good people in our lives. As you begin stating to others how you appreciate them, it may come across as sloppy, silly, awkward. Yet, the more you do it, the better you will get at it. Don't be afraid to share with someone, even if that is someone you see everyday, how much you appreciate them. We often go through this life taking for granted that other person knows that we love them, they are appreciated, you care about them. Do they? Because if you have not said it...how would they really know?
Take a moment, go today and start the process. Miss Manners once stated you should compliment at least three people a day. When was the last time you complimented anyone? It isn't easy to kick this off. But, next time you see that women in the store with the killer shoes, great bag, beautiful hair, go and tell her. The next time your spouse does something nice to you, tell them thank you and you appreciate them. No matter what it may be; turning a light on so you can read, giving you the remote, making coffee in the morning, mowing the lawn, helping with laundry, picking up or making dinner, distracting or playing with the kids so you can have 10 minutes to yourself. Nothing is too small or too big to express your gratitude and appreciation.
Don't be shy - take this as an opportunity to be bold and express your appreciation and admiration.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 84...Less is More
Elegance is the art of restraint. I have over the past few years collected and gathered an enormous amount of 'stuff'. A couple years ago I went through a break up and had no where to go. My belongings went into storage. When I began to fill a second storage unit, I knew I had to get rid of some things. Several items I did not want to see go, but that was life at the time and I had to say good-bye. (Like my most favorite pink flower vase that accidentally was left in a microwave I was selling...and the lady wanted it. I made the mistake of leaving it out where it was for sale, and so I sadly watched it walk away. I have yet to find anything like it.)
Freeing myself of belongings was hard, sad, and yet up lifting. It helped me realize how much stuff had accumulated over the years and how much I could live without. Now, as I go through my belongings I make an effort to downsize. There are certain seasonal things that I like to keep. I know there is a rule of thumb which states, "if you haven't worn it for 6 months, get rid of it". Here is where I have a problem with that, I grew up in a state which consists of four seasons. By the time summer comes along, I have not worn my winter things, does that mean they should go? I do try to go through my clothes and get rid of things. I have made my share of trips to Goodwill to drop things off. I have gotten better where I can throw something away or donate it whereas before I would find an excuse to hang on to it.
We all have to begin with our mind. Be in the right mindset to clear cut through the stash of belongings which have piled up in our lives. We often do not realize the amount of 'stuff' that we collect over the years. Go through it, take the time to sort through it and free yourself of it. The weight which will be lifted off your shoulders will be greater than you can imagine.
Be willing to seek a lifestyle where less really is more.
Freeing myself of belongings was hard, sad, and yet up lifting. It helped me realize how much stuff had accumulated over the years and how much I could live without. Now, as I go through my belongings I make an effort to downsize. There are certain seasonal things that I like to keep. I know there is a rule of thumb which states, "if you haven't worn it for 6 months, get rid of it". Here is where I have a problem with that, I grew up in a state which consists of four seasons. By the time summer comes along, I have not worn my winter things, does that mean they should go? I do try to go through my clothes and get rid of things. I have made my share of trips to Goodwill to drop things off. I have gotten better where I can throw something away or donate it whereas before I would find an excuse to hang on to it.
We all have to begin with our mind. Be in the right mindset to clear cut through the stash of belongings which have piled up in our lives. We often do not realize the amount of 'stuff' that we collect over the years. Go through it, take the time to sort through it and free yourself of it. The weight which will be lifted off your shoulders will be greater than you can imagine.
Be willing to seek a lifestyle where less really is more.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 83...Verve
"...Verve is the special ability or talent to pull something off with panache, from a fabulous outfit to an exquisite couplet of poetry. Verve comes into our lives when we finally trust our instincts. When we take risks and they pay off. It is also the secret of personal style. Verve is focused creative energy, a sense of vitality or zest..." Sarah Ban Breathnach -
I do love me some Ms. Breathnach and enjoy her book "Simple Abundance".
Have you ever had that moment of 'verve'? Where you had an outfit on and you looked in the mirror and just felt good? I love that moment when I can be energized, excited by something I have done with an outfit. Where I would love to be good at fashion, however, I absolutely do not have that particular knack. I have tried and failed many, many times at being 'fashionable'. Yet, I resort to "safe" choices, but once in a while I nail it baby! It is a great feeling. Those are the outfits which become staples in my closet for those opportunities to feel good about me when I get to go out on the town. With life the way it has been the past couple of years, there have not been many of these moments. But, those clothes still stand true and remain reliable.
What are your 'go-to' outfits? If you don't have one, save up and go find one. Splurge! It feels soooo good to find that great blouse, dress, skirt, thigh highs and sassy shoes! It feels even better when you put your outfit together and you are able to feel good because you look good.
Find a way to seek out some 'verve' in your life and celebrate it!
I do love me some Ms. Breathnach and enjoy her book "Simple Abundance".
Have you ever had that moment of 'verve'? Where you had an outfit on and you looked in the mirror and just felt good? I love that moment when I can be energized, excited by something I have done with an outfit. Where I would love to be good at fashion, however, I absolutely do not have that particular knack. I have tried and failed many, many times at being 'fashionable'. Yet, I resort to "safe" choices, but once in a while I nail it baby! It is a great feeling. Those are the outfits which become staples in my closet for those opportunities to feel good about me when I get to go out on the town. With life the way it has been the past couple of years, there have not been many of these moments. But, those clothes still stand true and remain reliable.
What are your 'go-to' outfits? If you don't have one, save up and go find one. Splurge! It feels soooo good to find that great blouse, dress, skirt, thigh highs and sassy shoes! It feels even better when you put your outfit together and you are able to feel good because you look good.
Find a way to seek out some 'verve' in your life and celebrate it!
Monday, March 23, 2015
LaCresha' Lens Focuses On...page 82...Feeling Good; Accepting You
A few years ago while I lived in Memphis, TN, I had the most amazing mentor, friend and supervisor. Her name is Sue, and I don't think it will ever be possible for me to thank her for all she did for me while I was under her wing.
I never felt like I deserved good things. I would tuck nice things away to wear for some special occasion, but that occasion never came along. One day I was wearing what at the time was my absolute favorite pair of dress shoes. They were brown, had the perfect square heel, incredibly comfortable, perfect height (not too high, not too short) and laced up. Oh how I love them! I loved them so much I was afraid to wear them because I didn't deserve to wear something so nice. By the time I began to wear them they had wore themselves out. The leather was cracking, the laces were getting dry and they were no longer attractive.
One day I was wearing these shoes and Sue, who has the perfect level of class mixed with bold said, "why are you wearing those shoes?"
"because I love them."
"They are worn out. Don't you know you deserve good things?"
This lead to a heavy hearted conversation as she was pushing me out of a comfort zone. I did not feel I was worthy to wear these shoes while they were in good condition, and now I was wearing them before they were too far gone. Sue gave me a challenge that I struggled with a lot. I was told to go to Victoria Secret and by myself a nice bra. WHAT THE HELL!? Seriously...these bras are expensive and beautiful. My insecure, lack of confidence, "I'm not worthy" self was having an internal melt down. But, I knew Sue would be relentless and if I did not follow through there would be some sort of life lesson that would be tied into a consequence. Not wanting to let her down, I gathered myself up and went to the mall. It was hard to allow myself to have something so pretty that was so expensive. This was the nicest bra I owned, it was also the most comfortable. It helped to give me some reassurance it IS ok to buy nice things for myself.
What have you done for yourself lately? I hear Mom's ALL the time speak how they won't spend money on themselves, or they would rather buy it for their children. With love in my heart I say to you, 'your children have enough, they have your love and probably a closet and a dresser FILLED with more than what they need. Reward yourself. Give to yourself. Don't be a continuous strain on your own emotions. Then when you do buy something for yourself, free yourself of all that guilt!'
I still occasionally struggle, but I am so much better than I was many years ago. I took that life lesson to heart and when shoes are worn out, they get tossed. I wear nice shoes and clothes because I like how they look, I like how I feel, and it is OK for me to feel good about myself.
Now...go and do something nice for YOU! You, your family, friends and loved ones will appreciate seeing you doing something for you for a change.
I never felt like I deserved good things. I would tuck nice things away to wear for some special occasion, but that occasion never came along. One day I was wearing what at the time was my absolute favorite pair of dress shoes. They were brown, had the perfect square heel, incredibly comfortable, perfect height (not too high, not too short) and laced up. Oh how I love them! I loved them so much I was afraid to wear them because I didn't deserve to wear something so nice. By the time I began to wear them they had wore themselves out. The leather was cracking, the laces were getting dry and they were no longer attractive.
One day I was wearing these shoes and Sue, who has the perfect level of class mixed with bold said, "why are you wearing those shoes?"
"because I love them."
"They are worn out. Don't you know you deserve good things?"
This lead to a heavy hearted conversation as she was pushing me out of a comfort zone. I did not feel I was worthy to wear these shoes while they were in good condition, and now I was wearing them before they were too far gone. Sue gave me a challenge that I struggled with a lot. I was told to go to Victoria Secret and by myself a nice bra. WHAT THE HELL!? Seriously...these bras are expensive and beautiful. My insecure, lack of confidence, "I'm not worthy" self was having an internal melt down. But, I knew Sue would be relentless and if I did not follow through there would be some sort of life lesson that would be tied into a consequence. Not wanting to let her down, I gathered myself up and went to the mall. It was hard to allow myself to have something so pretty that was so expensive. This was the nicest bra I owned, it was also the most comfortable. It helped to give me some reassurance it IS ok to buy nice things for myself.
What have you done for yourself lately? I hear Mom's ALL the time speak how they won't spend money on themselves, or they would rather buy it for their children. With love in my heart I say to you, 'your children have enough, they have your love and probably a closet and a dresser FILLED with more than what they need. Reward yourself. Give to yourself. Don't be a continuous strain on your own emotions. Then when you do buy something for yourself, free yourself of all that guilt!'
I still occasionally struggle, but I am so much better than I was many years ago. I took that life lesson to heart and when shoes are worn out, they get tossed. I wear nice shoes and clothes because I like how they look, I like how I feel, and it is OK for me to feel good about myself.
Now...go and do something nice for YOU! You, your family, friends and loved ones will appreciate seeing you doing something for you for a change.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 81...What Do You Like about Yourself?
Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, "ughkk". Same here. We are so quick to find our flaws, put ourselves down and beat ourselves up. Step into a restaurant restroom after you got yourself all dolled up, and one view of someone who is a few pounds lighter, bigger breasted, better hair, hell, fill in the blank! We are then back at floor level beating ourselves up. I do it ALL the time.
I feel I am not worthy of feeling good, looking good or accepting that 'maybe'?? I'm pretty...possibly beautiful?
Tonight, I am going to ask yourself to lighten up. Change those voices in your head and tell them to BE NICE!! Be compassionate towards yourself, find five things that you like about yourself. Maybe it is your freckles, your nose, the color of your eyes, the dimple in your butt. It does not matter what it may be, however, it matters to feel good about YOU.
We have the right and we deserve it. So, please, for you, show some kindness not just to others, but also yourself.
I feel I am not worthy of feeling good, looking good or accepting that 'maybe'?? I'm pretty...possibly beautiful?
Tonight, I am going to ask yourself to lighten up. Change those voices in your head and tell them to BE NICE!! Be compassionate towards yourself, find five things that you like about yourself. Maybe it is your freckles, your nose, the color of your eyes, the dimple in your butt. It does not matter what it may be, however, it matters to feel good about YOU.
We have the right and we deserve it. So, please, for you, show some kindness not just to others, but also yourself.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 80...Love
..."We have all met her, that special woman who draws you into her orb with a radiant smile. Her eyes light up as you tell he show you've been. She attracts men, women, children and animals, for her complete attention is soothing and hypnotic. When you walk away from her you feel as if you have been bathed in a beautiful warm light.
You have. It is called Love, and this ancient beauty secret is available to all of us. When we are genuinely interested in others, a graciousness comes over us that is compelling."
Have you ever met someone like this in your life? I am fortunate to say, I have indeed! Wendy Caen was a mother of a young girl who took riding lessons where I taught lessons and trained horses. This woman has a grace, an energy, and love pouring out of her pores. She would gently touch your arm or shoulder and you would bask in glory. I was drawn to her because I wanted to be able to be more like her.
Lindsay Jennings, a woman who is my writing mentor. You want to be around someone who oozes the sanctity of love? This gorgeous, stunning woman is filled with love and shares it with all around her. She will draw you in like a bee to a hive full of honey. Her energy is like gold to a mine shaft, you want to seek in deeper just to be engulfed by it.
Julia Prestia, she is the grace of a peaceful goddess. Even if she does not like you, she will display respect towards you. She is the most kind, loving, forgiving, patient women who walks this planet.
Sue Sigler, this is a woman who is the walking epidemy of understanding, power, joy, quit witted and a heart full of love. A woman who is quick to be firm, but has the softest, gentlest heart I think I've ever experienced.
Sha Sha Gower, where to begin? I moved to Mississippi (against my better judgement) and after a long and drawn out job search I ended up at Books a Million where I met a woman by the name of Sha Sha. (Her actual name is Sarah, but her Grandma called her Sha Sha and that is the name she goes by). When Sha Sha found out I was in Mississippi and the only person I knew was my boyfriend (at the time-we have since been broken up for many years, which was its own blessing). With parents around 900 miles away, she was sad that I was so far away from my Mom. Being a strong willed, independent individual I did not find that to be a big deal. Yet, she did and she didn't want me to be so far away from home without a 'Momma'. At that moment she declared that she was my "southern Mom" and she took on that role with energy and love. I always felt love around her. Her daughter was called my sister, and I was always welcomed in her home.
There are days when I want to display this kind of love, understanding and patience to others. I won't deny I do not always achieve this goal. If I am tired, and lack the energy it is hard for me to grace others with the love they deserve. My intentions are true and though I would love to be more like the women I listed above...I don't always quite make it. Once in a while I will reflect on the women I have encountered in my life and think about their strengths, their heart, their soul and what gives them the strength to spread their gift of love.
Maybe one day I will be there. Until then, I give great thanks to God above for blessing me with the women I have encountered, whether I listed them above or not, as ALL the women I have encountered have helped me along my journey.
You have. It is called Love, and this ancient beauty secret is available to all of us. When we are genuinely interested in others, a graciousness comes over us that is compelling."
Have you ever met someone like this in your life? I am fortunate to say, I have indeed! Wendy Caen was a mother of a young girl who took riding lessons where I taught lessons and trained horses. This woman has a grace, an energy, and love pouring out of her pores. She would gently touch your arm or shoulder and you would bask in glory. I was drawn to her because I wanted to be able to be more like her.
Lindsay Jennings, a woman who is my writing mentor. You want to be around someone who oozes the sanctity of love? This gorgeous, stunning woman is filled with love and shares it with all around her. She will draw you in like a bee to a hive full of honey. Her energy is like gold to a mine shaft, you want to seek in deeper just to be engulfed by it.
Julia Prestia, she is the grace of a peaceful goddess. Even if she does not like you, she will display respect towards you. She is the most kind, loving, forgiving, patient women who walks this planet.
Sue Sigler, this is a woman who is the walking epidemy of understanding, power, joy, quit witted and a heart full of love. A woman who is quick to be firm, but has the softest, gentlest heart I think I've ever experienced.
Sha Sha Gower, where to begin? I moved to Mississippi (against my better judgement) and after a long and drawn out job search I ended up at Books a Million where I met a woman by the name of Sha Sha. (Her actual name is Sarah, but her Grandma called her Sha Sha and that is the name she goes by). When Sha Sha found out I was in Mississippi and the only person I knew was my boyfriend (at the time-we have since been broken up for many years, which was its own blessing). With parents around 900 miles away, she was sad that I was so far away from my Mom. Being a strong willed, independent individual I did not find that to be a big deal. Yet, she did and she didn't want me to be so far away from home without a 'Momma'. At that moment she declared that she was my "southern Mom" and she took on that role with energy and love. I always felt love around her. Her daughter was called my sister, and I was always welcomed in her home.
There are days when I want to display this kind of love, understanding and patience to others. I won't deny I do not always achieve this goal. If I am tired, and lack the energy it is hard for me to grace others with the love they deserve. My intentions are true and though I would love to be more like the women I listed above...I don't always quite make it. Once in a while I will reflect on the women I have encountered in my life and think about their strengths, their heart, their soul and what gives them the strength to spread their gift of love.
Maybe one day I will be there. Until then, I give great thanks to God above for blessing me with the women I have encountered, whether I listed them above or not, as ALL the women I have encountered have helped me along my journey.
Friday, March 20, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 79...Theresa
Have you ever worked with someone who was gracious, kind, fun, enjoyable, easy going and just 'got it' when it came to bullshit?
I finally have and her name is, Theresa. She is by far the most amazing woman I have ever worked with in my years of being a 'professional'. I have worked with the most catty, bitchy, grumpy, bitter women. I have also worked with those women who are unhappy and do not like that you are a happy person. In turn they strive to make you miserable and when you won't crack, they amp it up a notch to try and break you into their miserable life.
I had heard good things about Theresa, but didn't know much about her. What a pleasant surprise when she turned out to be more incredible than described. She got that the doctor we work for is crazy and is losing her mind. She got that there are good patients and annoying patients. She got my jokes and we absolutely clicked. I have stayed at this job longer than I would like because of how amazing she is as a person. There has never been a job where I have gotten along so well with someone. Yes, there have been times when I have clicked with someone in previous jobs. But, Theresa truly stands out. I have been fortunate to have worked with some fun and wonderful people. If you just had a moment to meet Theresa, get to know her, you would understand the level of awesomeness that she is!
When I finally come to the day when I leave this office for another job, relocation or whatever lies ahead...walking away from Theresa will be the most difficult part to it all. She is truly spectacular and I won't ever be able to say enough kind things about her.
Because really, how can you beat someone who will keep the a bully boss from bitching at you, let you read People when there is down time and doesn't mind that I like to play with cat toys?
I finally have and her name is, Theresa. She is by far the most amazing woman I have ever worked with in my years of being a 'professional'. I have worked with the most catty, bitchy, grumpy, bitter women. I have also worked with those women who are unhappy and do not like that you are a happy person. In turn they strive to make you miserable and when you won't crack, they amp it up a notch to try and break you into their miserable life.
I had heard good things about Theresa, but didn't know much about her. What a pleasant surprise when she turned out to be more incredible than described. She got that the doctor we work for is crazy and is losing her mind. She got that there are good patients and annoying patients. She got my jokes and we absolutely clicked. I have stayed at this job longer than I would like because of how amazing she is as a person. There has never been a job where I have gotten along so well with someone. Yes, there have been times when I have clicked with someone in previous jobs. But, Theresa truly stands out. I have been fortunate to have worked with some fun and wonderful people. If you just had a moment to meet Theresa, get to know her, you would understand the level of awesomeness that she is!
When I finally come to the day when I leave this office for another job, relocation or whatever lies ahead...walking away from Theresa will be the most difficult part to it all. She is truly spectacular and I won't ever be able to say enough kind things about her.
Because really, how can you beat someone who will keep the a bully boss from bitching at you, let you read People when there is down time and doesn't mind that I like to play with cat toys?
Thursday, March 19, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 78...Inner Light
How often do you look in the mirror and wish you looked like someone else? Well...guess what, that someone else is probably wishing the same thing. If they are not, it is because they have found an inner peace within and accepted themselves for who they are as a person.
Really. I'm not kidding.
When I was a child I had wished I looked like my neighbor. They were Italian and had that gorgeous caramel colored skin and her face was so pretty AND she was thin! I remember saying something to my Mom about it and she basically said "because for what you wish for" I must have repeated this desire because she calmly explained to me not to wish to be someone else. She further explained that I shouldn't want to look like her, but accept me for me. Well, this was not advice I wanted to hear because I saw what I looked like in the mirror and I was ugly! My Mom knew about the abuse which was going on in the household a mile or so away from us. She didn't want to tell me about it, but she made it clear that just because one is skinny and pretty does not mean they have a great life. She told me how I didn't know what was going on behind closed doors and I should be glad I was not her. Years later I found out there was abuse in the household and she was a victim of it. It was then I realized (once again) my Mother was right. If I wanted to wish I looked like her, then along with that came being her and her life, which was not all peaches and cream.
As you wish to be someone else, or wish to look like someone else, take a step back. At some level be reasonable with yourself that that other persons life may not be all it is cracked up to be. Just because someone carries themselves in a manner which seems like they are happy or joyful does not mean that at all.
One of the most joyful people I know I discovered was a very unhappy person. I truly believed she had love and light in her home, and while at some level that is true, she spends her nights drinking until she is drunk. While she is not a functioning alcoholic, she is an alcoholic because she is so unhappy in life.
Take pride in who you are, what you have, what you have become and that beautiful face that is staring back at you. Don't deny yourself some peace and happiness because the voices in your head are beating you down. Beat them back! Don't stand for it! Tell them to stop and do yourself a favor and CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK!
Pink words it wonderfully in her song, "Fucking Perfect"
"You're so mean...when you talk...about yourself...you are wrong...change the voices...in your head...make them like you...instead"
There is so much truth to those lyrics. Let the demons out and fill yourself with some reward and kindness. Life is difficult enough, we don't need those evil thoughts to control us.
Really. I'm not kidding.
When I was a child I had wished I looked like my neighbor. They were Italian and had that gorgeous caramel colored skin and her face was so pretty AND she was thin! I remember saying something to my Mom about it and she basically said "because for what you wish for" I must have repeated this desire because she calmly explained to me not to wish to be someone else. She further explained that I shouldn't want to look like her, but accept me for me. Well, this was not advice I wanted to hear because I saw what I looked like in the mirror and I was ugly! My Mom knew about the abuse which was going on in the household a mile or so away from us. She didn't want to tell me about it, but she made it clear that just because one is skinny and pretty does not mean they have a great life. She told me how I didn't know what was going on behind closed doors and I should be glad I was not her. Years later I found out there was abuse in the household and she was a victim of it. It was then I realized (once again) my Mother was right. If I wanted to wish I looked like her, then along with that came being her and her life, which was not all peaches and cream.
As you wish to be someone else, or wish to look like someone else, take a step back. At some level be reasonable with yourself that that other persons life may not be all it is cracked up to be. Just because someone carries themselves in a manner which seems like they are happy or joyful does not mean that at all.
One of the most joyful people I know I discovered was a very unhappy person. I truly believed she had love and light in her home, and while at some level that is true, she spends her nights drinking until she is drunk. While she is not a functioning alcoholic, she is an alcoholic because she is so unhappy in life.
Take pride in who you are, what you have, what you have become and that beautiful face that is staring back at you. Don't deny yourself some peace and happiness because the voices in your head are beating you down. Beat them back! Don't stand for it! Tell them to stop and do yourself a favor and CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK!
Pink words it wonderfully in her song, "Fucking Perfect"
"You're so mean...when you talk...about yourself...you are wrong...change the voices...in your head...make them like you...instead"
There is so much truth to those lyrics. Let the demons out and fill yourself with some reward and kindness. Life is difficult enough, we don't need those evil thoughts to control us.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 77...The Cart & The Horse
While I am in this 'relationship' with that word utilized quite loosely with a man I met online. We have not defined our status and we have not met in person yet. Often I wonder if I am being crazy for wanting to date and officially be the girlfriend of this individual. While I ponder and over think as many of us do, it tends to get me down. This will then justify a call to a friend of mine who is the endlessly and without fail the most romantic person I know. She is in love with love and I adore her spirit. Even in the worst of circumstances she has never given up on love.
I will call her Angela, to change her name in this post. Angela and I have known each other since high school. We got to know each other in college and became incredibly close friends. We share a passion for the show, 'Sex and the City'. During our conversations about this show we have discovered we hold some characteristics to the characters in the show. With this realization we have occasionally called each other by the names from the series, I am "Carrie" where she is a blend of "Charlotte" and "Miranda". Angela definitely holds the spirit of Charlotte when it comes to finding love.
During a recent conversation regarding this online dating situation I was feeling discouraged. I have not met him yet and don't have any idea of when I will meet him if I will at all. I told her I felt like I was putting the cart before the horse & I wasn't even sure if the horse was in the barn yet. In her bold and loving spirit she replied, "then get up there and wheel that cart around"
She is right. Sometimes we have to put in the effort and take the chance and not sit back and watch the world go by. We have to go into that barn, get the halter and lead rope, walk out to the pasture and catch the horse. Once it is caught we lead it back to the barn, brush it, groom it, pick out the hooves and then harness it up. Once it is ready to go, then we can go get that cart and wheel it around.
That is life. Once in a while we have to go get that horse and prepare it for the carriage ride. We cannot always sit idly by and wait for what is meant for us to come. We need to get busy preparing for what is waiting for us, what our hearts desire. If you believe in the Lord you know He has perfect timing. While we may wait impatiently and are willing to give up, He is working on our character and preparing us for what is to come.
Allow the time to pass to prepare the horse to pull the wagon. After all, even if you do wheel the cart around, if you haven't groomed the horse, picked his or her hooves, that isn't preparing it to be able to wear the harness or pull the cart comfortably. If you don't pick out the hooves, you could end up with a lame horse. If you don't thoroughly groom the horse, it can end up with sores from the harness rubbing. Once the horse is groomed then you can put on the harness making sure it is secured properly. If you don't harness it correctly it can cause your horse discomfort and it won't want to pull the cart. It is only after all that effort of preparation you can walk the horse to the cart, hook up and drive off to the sunset for what you have been waiting for in life.
Don't be afraid to let the good Lord above prepare you for what you have waiting. We are not the most patient individuals, trust me I am most certainly not always as patient as I need to be. However, if we believe and keep the faith, you will see God move mountains.
After all, nothing is impossible with the grace of God.
I will call her Angela, to change her name in this post. Angela and I have known each other since high school. We got to know each other in college and became incredibly close friends. We share a passion for the show, 'Sex and the City'. During our conversations about this show we have discovered we hold some characteristics to the characters in the show. With this realization we have occasionally called each other by the names from the series, I am "Carrie" where she is a blend of "Charlotte" and "Miranda". Angela definitely holds the spirit of Charlotte when it comes to finding love.
During a recent conversation regarding this online dating situation I was feeling discouraged. I have not met him yet and don't have any idea of when I will meet him if I will at all. I told her I felt like I was putting the cart before the horse & I wasn't even sure if the horse was in the barn yet. In her bold and loving spirit she replied, "then get up there and wheel that cart around"
She is right. Sometimes we have to put in the effort and take the chance and not sit back and watch the world go by. We have to go into that barn, get the halter and lead rope, walk out to the pasture and catch the horse. Once it is caught we lead it back to the barn, brush it, groom it, pick out the hooves and then harness it up. Once it is ready to go, then we can go get that cart and wheel it around.
That is life. Once in a while we have to go get that horse and prepare it for the carriage ride. We cannot always sit idly by and wait for what is meant for us to come. We need to get busy preparing for what is waiting for us, what our hearts desire. If you believe in the Lord you know He has perfect timing. While we may wait impatiently and are willing to give up, He is working on our character and preparing us for what is to come.
Allow the time to pass to prepare the horse to pull the wagon. After all, even if you do wheel the cart around, if you haven't groomed the horse, picked his or her hooves, that isn't preparing it to be able to wear the harness or pull the cart comfortably. If you don't pick out the hooves, you could end up with a lame horse. If you don't thoroughly groom the horse, it can end up with sores from the harness rubbing. Once the horse is groomed then you can put on the harness making sure it is secured properly. If you don't harness it correctly it can cause your horse discomfort and it won't want to pull the cart. It is only after all that effort of preparation you can walk the horse to the cart, hook up and drive off to the sunset for what you have been waiting for in life.
Don't be afraid to let the good Lord above prepare you for what you have waiting. We are not the most patient individuals, trust me I am most certainly not always as patient as I need to be. However, if we believe and keep the faith, you will see God move mountains.
After all, nothing is impossible with the grace of God.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 76...Setting Goals
Maybe you have found a moment in your endless busy day to think about what you want for your life. Maybe it is a garden? Maybe a new career path? A new hobby? Travel more?
As you figure out what you want to do, the next step of approaching your goal can be daunting - what to do to get there!
Have you always wanted to learn how to ballroom dance, but you don't have a partner? Go find a dance studio, they will always have someone available for you to dance with and you can make some new friends along the way.
Want to try gardening? Join a gardeners club or ask around in your neighborhood. There are so many people who garden for a hobby who would love to share their knowledge with you.
The first step can be the scariest step of all, but all you need is to get moving. After all, a body in motion stays in motion, a body at rest, stays at rest. So get up and get moving and go after your new endeavor!
As you figure out what you want to do, the next step of approaching your goal can be daunting - what to do to get there!
Have you always wanted to learn how to ballroom dance, but you don't have a partner? Go find a dance studio, they will always have someone available for you to dance with and you can make some new friends along the way.
Want to try gardening? Join a gardeners club or ask around in your neighborhood. There are so many people who garden for a hobby who would love to share their knowledge with you.
The first step can be the scariest step of all, but all you need is to get moving. After all, a body in motion stays in motion, a body at rest, stays at rest. So get up and get moving and go after your new endeavor!
Monday, March 16, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 75...What's Your Dream?
Have you seen the movie 'Pretty Woman'? There is a man who is in one of the scenes, casually walking around yelling, "What's your dream?" I believe it is meant to be an awakening to those who have not found the time to seek what they truly want in life.
I have been re-evaluating what it is I want in life. What I thought I wanted a year ago, is still appealing, however, it is not lining up with my true end goal. While I don't have a thing figured out except I need to figure some things out, I am working on it. That is what matters, is taking the time to figure out what it is you want, what your heart desires. Then what steps will you take to get there and make it happen.
Life is complicated and far from easy. But, I have woken up too many times dreading to go to work to know that we don't have to hate what we do for a living. Yes, we have bills to pay and need to collect a check. If you can do that and enjoy what you are doing for your work, wouldn't that be more rewarding and satisfactory? No one said it will be easy to get there. I believe it is possible. Just set your mind to it and figure out, "what's your dream"?
I have been re-evaluating what it is I want in life. What I thought I wanted a year ago, is still appealing, however, it is not lining up with my true end goal. While I don't have a thing figured out except I need to figure some things out, I am working on it. That is what matters, is taking the time to figure out what it is you want, what your heart desires. Then what steps will you take to get there and make it happen.
Life is complicated and far from easy. But, I have woken up too many times dreading to go to work to know that we don't have to hate what we do for a living. Yes, we have bills to pay and need to collect a check. If you can do that and enjoy what you are doing for your work, wouldn't that be more rewarding and satisfactory? No one said it will be easy to get there. I believe it is possible. Just set your mind to it and figure out, "what's your dream"?
Sunday, March 15, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 74...Self Nuturing
How good are you to yourself?
I will be the first to admit I am not always that good to myself. I struggle with the feeling that I do not deserve it. I struggle that I am not good enough for certain things. Yet, I recall a session with a friend and she noticed my shoes. They were my most favorite dress shoes and I had put off wearing them because I felt I didn't deserve to wear something I would enjoy. Finally, I had pulled them out of the closet and wore them often with so much happiness that I was finally wearing them. A friend pointed out how tattered they were. She was right, they had aged and began to basically fall apart before I had the chance to wear them. It was then pointed out to me with the most sincerity and care that I do deserve to have and enjoy good things. That I didn't need to wait until those shoes had been falling apart before I wore them. That I should take better care of myself and allow myself to enjoy things.
This reminds me of when I was in college. I worked at Pizza Hut in the college town I lived in and I was fortunate to get along well with majority of everyone who worked there. One of the cooks noticed my elbows and commented about how they needed lotion. I was in a rat race of working two jobs to pay for college while attending college full time. I didn't have the time to take care of myself I was trying to obtain my degree while paying bills. It was when he said to me, "you need to take better care of yourself, take the time to put lotion on those elbows." While maybe it was an odd thing to say, it was from the care of a friend. To this day after a shower you can bet I am putting lotion on my elbows.
Why do we neglect ourselves? We give so much to others, but in the end we have to take care of ourselves because no one else will, end of story. Yet, we often put it off. I am just as guilty as the next person. One of the best reads that addresses this is called, 'Burnt Toast' by Teri Hatcher. It speaks about how she would watch her Mom scrape off the burnt part of the toast instead of putting in a new slice of bread. This brilliant book goes into speak about how we deserve to eat good toast and we don't have to eat the burnt pieces.
Take time for you - whether it is just to paint your nails, go for a walk, a longer hot shower, or maybe that yummy little treat on the way to work or at lunch. One of my most favorite things to do is on a Sunday. Wake up leisurely, turn on npr to their fun morning shows, make waffles, and enjoy the Sunday paper with a cup of coffee then watch a few movies or tv. Now, due to current circumstance I have not been able to do that for quite some time. But, when that day does come, you can bet I will be taking full advantage of it.
I also enjoy going to a movie by myself. Endlessly I have met people who cannot wrap their head around the idea of attending a movie by themselves. But, I like it because with my theatre background I get lost in movies. Then after the movie is done I like to watch the credits all the way to the very end. Once that has finished I get up, throw away my containers and quietly walk to my vehicle lost in thought. The last movie I saw was "American Sniper", I walked to my vehicle in tears. This was an amazing movie and it was deeply touching and it breaks my heart what this incredible hero did for so many people. It made me recollect my appreciation for all those in the military, and made me miss those who I am friends with who have served. If I had gone with someone I would have been very self conscious about the emotion I was experiencing and not allowed myself to let my guard down.
Recently, I splurged and purchased some really nice lotion by Nivea. It is rich and creamy and I love what it will do for my skin. Applying it has made me realize how dry, thirsty and basically dehydrated my skin is and how it has been getting neglected.
What have you been neglecting? Take some time and pick up a bottle of wine, take a bubble bath, make an appointment at a spa or go get your nails done. Maybe you are less girly and would rather spend time on a gun range. Whatever will make you happy? Save up if you have to and go do it. Nurture yourself, and it will help sooth and feel your soul.
I will be the first to admit I am not always that good to myself. I struggle with the feeling that I do not deserve it. I struggle that I am not good enough for certain things. Yet, I recall a session with a friend and she noticed my shoes. They were my most favorite dress shoes and I had put off wearing them because I felt I didn't deserve to wear something I would enjoy. Finally, I had pulled them out of the closet and wore them often with so much happiness that I was finally wearing them. A friend pointed out how tattered they were. She was right, they had aged and began to basically fall apart before I had the chance to wear them. It was then pointed out to me with the most sincerity and care that I do deserve to have and enjoy good things. That I didn't need to wait until those shoes had been falling apart before I wore them. That I should take better care of myself and allow myself to enjoy things.
This reminds me of when I was in college. I worked at Pizza Hut in the college town I lived in and I was fortunate to get along well with majority of everyone who worked there. One of the cooks noticed my elbows and commented about how they needed lotion. I was in a rat race of working two jobs to pay for college while attending college full time. I didn't have the time to take care of myself I was trying to obtain my degree while paying bills. It was when he said to me, "you need to take better care of yourself, take the time to put lotion on those elbows." While maybe it was an odd thing to say, it was from the care of a friend. To this day after a shower you can bet I am putting lotion on my elbows.
Why do we neglect ourselves? We give so much to others, but in the end we have to take care of ourselves because no one else will, end of story. Yet, we often put it off. I am just as guilty as the next person. One of the best reads that addresses this is called, 'Burnt Toast' by Teri Hatcher. It speaks about how she would watch her Mom scrape off the burnt part of the toast instead of putting in a new slice of bread. This brilliant book goes into speak about how we deserve to eat good toast and we don't have to eat the burnt pieces.
Take time for you - whether it is just to paint your nails, go for a walk, a longer hot shower, or maybe that yummy little treat on the way to work or at lunch. One of my most favorite things to do is on a Sunday. Wake up leisurely, turn on npr to their fun morning shows, make waffles, and enjoy the Sunday paper with a cup of coffee then watch a few movies or tv. Now, due to current circumstance I have not been able to do that for quite some time. But, when that day does come, you can bet I will be taking full advantage of it.
I also enjoy going to a movie by myself. Endlessly I have met people who cannot wrap their head around the idea of attending a movie by themselves. But, I like it because with my theatre background I get lost in movies. Then after the movie is done I like to watch the credits all the way to the very end. Once that has finished I get up, throw away my containers and quietly walk to my vehicle lost in thought. The last movie I saw was "American Sniper", I walked to my vehicle in tears. This was an amazing movie and it was deeply touching and it breaks my heart what this incredible hero did for so many people. It made me recollect my appreciation for all those in the military, and made me miss those who I am friends with who have served. If I had gone with someone I would have been very self conscious about the emotion I was experiencing and not allowed myself to let my guard down.
Recently, I splurged and purchased some really nice lotion by Nivea. It is rich and creamy and I love what it will do for my skin. Applying it has made me realize how dry, thirsty and basically dehydrated my skin is and how it has been getting neglected.
What have you been neglecting? Take some time and pick up a bottle of wine, take a bubble bath, make an appointment at a spa or go get your nails done. Maybe you are less girly and would rather spend time on a gun range. Whatever will make you happy? Save up if you have to and go do it. Nurture yourself, and it will help sooth and feel your soul.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 73...Overwhelmed
Have you ever found yourself feeling so overwhelmed you couldn't see straight? I am staring down the barrel of that gun right now. I am beyond stressed, overwhelmed and tired of dealing with those who will not speak to me kindly.
Not too long ago I had a woman call me to badger and yell at me about my charity event. I finally stopped and yelled back explaining to her she did not need to speak to me in that tone and needed to back off. I was done being her punching bag. I made it clear she would be nice to me going forward.
At the end of the conversation she apologized for her behavior. It was at that point and time I knew I had to watch myself around her to make sure she did not treat me like that again.
I try to be quiet in nature, I know I have a loud laugh and I can speak louder than I mean to at times. However, I try to sit back, listen and observe and keep my comments to myself unless I know you well. However, if one pushes me I will come out fighting and watch the hell out when I do. When I am overwhelmed and stressed that side of me will come out a little quicker. If you catch me in the right mood, I will apologize sooner than later, but I know my manners and will realize when an apology is necessary.
Yet, when we get that overwhelmed and stressed what can one do? Stop and take a minute. Seem impossible, yes, it does, however, this is YOUR life! The biggest cause to illness is stress. It is not fair to you to keep pushing. Want help in the kitchen? Ask for it, then accept how the other person does it without criticizing or doing it yourself. We don't have to do everything and just because something is not done exactly how we want it done, does not mean it is done wrong. Let others have ownership within the family and have them help vacuum, do laundry, dishes, dust.
Maybe you have taken on too much with church, volunteer organizations? One thing I learned, once you get into the groove with those groups they do not like it when you start telling them no. However, once you set that boundary it will be a whole new world for you. Stand by your decision and accept that it IS okay for you to say no!
Take a moment to look at all you have piled onto your plate? You know what happens when I try to eat when I am really hungry? My eyes get bigger than my stomach and I cannot finish everything. The same thing happens with our goals and ambition, sometimes it gets to be too much for us. That is when we step back and analyze what is stressing us out, what is worth hanging onto and what we need to let go. I am in that process right now and honestly what made me sad to let go a few months ago, I am excited to let go today.
Find those things which are bringing stress to your life, and re-evaluate. Take the time for you - trust me - you DO deserve it!
Not too long ago I had a woman call me to badger and yell at me about my charity event. I finally stopped and yelled back explaining to her she did not need to speak to me in that tone and needed to back off. I was done being her punching bag. I made it clear she would be nice to me going forward.
At the end of the conversation she apologized for her behavior. It was at that point and time I knew I had to watch myself around her to make sure she did not treat me like that again.
I try to be quiet in nature, I know I have a loud laugh and I can speak louder than I mean to at times. However, I try to sit back, listen and observe and keep my comments to myself unless I know you well. However, if one pushes me I will come out fighting and watch the hell out when I do. When I am overwhelmed and stressed that side of me will come out a little quicker. If you catch me in the right mood, I will apologize sooner than later, but I know my manners and will realize when an apology is necessary.
Yet, when we get that overwhelmed and stressed what can one do? Stop and take a minute. Seem impossible, yes, it does, however, this is YOUR life! The biggest cause to illness is stress. It is not fair to you to keep pushing. Want help in the kitchen? Ask for it, then accept how the other person does it without criticizing or doing it yourself. We don't have to do everything and just because something is not done exactly how we want it done, does not mean it is done wrong. Let others have ownership within the family and have them help vacuum, do laundry, dishes, dust.
Maybe you have taken on too much with church, volunteer organizations? One thing I learned, once you get into the groove with those groups they do not like it when you start telling them no. However, once you set that boundary it will be a whole new world for you. Stand by your decision and accept that it IS okay for you to say no!
Take a moment to look at all you have piled onto your plate? You know what happens when I try to eat when I am really hungry? My eyes get bigger than my stomach and I cannot finish everything. The same thing happens with our goals and ambition, sometimes it gets to be too much for us. That is when we step back and analyze what is stressing us out, what is worth hanging onto and what we need to let go. I am in that process right now and honestly what made me sad to let go a few months ago, I am excited to let go today.
Find those things which are bringing stress to your life, and re-evaluate. Take the time for you - trust me - you DO deserve it!
Friday, March 13, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 72...Bad Timing
I decided residing in a potting shed was not the best option
for me. When I addressed a concern with
my landlady she didn’t like that I was pointing out she was renting a place
which was not suitable for a resident.
We parted ways.
Unfortunately due to a misunderstanding and my pride, I ended up in a situation in which I am not fond of and fighting to figure out how to change.
When you no longer have a place to live, and you don’t make enough to run out and get a new place of residency. With a charity fundraiser I am doing my finances have gotten askew and I am in a very bad bind. As I look over my situation, things will get worse before they get better. But, the good news is I have hope they will indeed get better.
Unfortunately due to a misunderstanding and my pride, I ended up in a situation in which I am not fond of and fighting to figure out how to change.
When you no longer have a place to live, and you don’t make enough to run out and get a new place of residency. With a charity fundraiser I am doing my finances have gotten askew and I am in a very bad bind. As I look over my situation, things will get worse before they get better. But, the good news is I have hope they will indeed get better.
When one is in this situation and you finish up with work on
a Friday, what do you want to do?
Go home, have dinner, relax.
When you don’t have a place to go, things get complicated and can be frustrating.
For instance, I have a ton of work to do! I have images that need to be edited, a photo print order that is past due and much work to be done on the fashion runway charity gala event. Now, most people can go home and get working on all these things. I don’t have that option. That is the difficult position for me as I leave work wanting nothing more than to pick up dinner, or be able to make dinner and sit on the couch while I work away on my growing to-do list. As I left work and I’m driving to get away from the crazy week, I don’t know where I am going to go. Knowing phone calls need to be made, emails need to be followed up on and work is piling up I find my way to a church parking lot. I pull into the top part of the lot and park behind some trees where I won’t be quickly noticed. After I turn off the engine to my vehicle I pull out my laptop and clipboard along with a binder and set to work. Phone calls are made, an overdue e-mail is sent and I finally take some time to write.
While I sit in my vehicle getting these tasks knocked off one by one, it is raining out. Where I welcome the sound of the rain as it calms and soothes me.
Where my situation is not ideal, and not many people know about it. I continue to try and find a way to be positive about what is to come. I firmly believe God has a plan, and he is using this charity event and my lack of housing as a message. During this time I hope to be able to quiet my mind, remain calm during this storm so I can hear Him speak to me. This is not what I want for my life, still recovering from an upheaval of my life from 18 months ago. Fighting to get my head above water when I really want to be getting ahead in life. There was deep prayer which took place a few days ago, and since that day I have had the most amazing peace and deepest calm I have ever experienced in my life.
Honestly, I feel free of worry. I’ve never experienced anything like this before.
I’m not happy about my situation, but I feel joy in my heart. Only I can be the change I want to be in my life. It will be through God’s power and might that I will find my way. Hopefully, I will learn how to work smarter not harder, be more responsible in all aspects of my life and take this opportunity to turn my life fully over to God.
Where things will lead I do not know. What I do know, however, is with God all things are possible.
Praise ye Lord for the gifts and blessings which wait ahead for me. Thank you.
Go home, have dinner, relax.
When you don’t have a place to go, things get complicated and can be frustrating.
For instance, I have a ton of work to do! I have images that need to be edited, a photo print order that is past due and much work to be done on the fashion runway charity gala event. Now, most people can go home and get working on all these things. I don’t have that option. That is the difficult position for me as I leave work wanting nothing more than to pick up dinner, or be able to make dinner and sit on the couch while I work away on my growing to-do list. As I left work and I’m driving to get away from the crazy week, I don’t know where I am going to go. Knowing phone calls need to be made, emails need to be followed up on and work is piling up I find my way to a church parking lot. I pull into the top part of the lot and park behind some trees where I won’t be quickly noticed. After I turn off the engine to my vehicle I pull out my laptop and clipboard along with a binder and set to work. Phone calls are made, an overdue e-mail is sent and I finally take some time to write.
While I sit in my vehicle getting these tasks knocked off one by one, it is raining out. Where I welcome the sound of the rain as it calms and soothes me.
Where my situation is not ideal, and not many people know about it. I continue to try and find a way to be positive about what is to come. I firmly believe God has a plan, and he is using this charity event and my lack of housing as a message. During this time I hope to be able to quiet my mind, remain calm during this storm so I can hear Him speak to me. This is not what I want for my life, still recovering from an upheaval of my life from 18 months ago. Fighting to get my head above water when I really want to be getting ahead in life. There was deep prayer which took place a few days ago, and since that day I have had the most amazing peace and deepest calm I have ever experienced in my life.
Honestly, I feel free of worry. I’ve never experienced anything like this before.
I’m not happy about my situation, but I feel joy in my heart. Only I can be the change I want to be in my life. It will be through God’s power and might that I will find my way. Hopefully, I will learn how to work smarter not harder, be more responsible in all aspects of my life and take this opportunity to turn my life fully over to God.
Where things will lead I do not know. What I do know, however, is with God all things are possible.
Praise ye Lord for the gifts and blessings which wait ahead for me. Thank you.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 71...How Do I Look?
While this can be a loaded question, I always want an honest answer. More than my share of times I had told myself I looked good or believed someone who was trying to be nice...to later realize I needed to change my clothes.
A few years ago I had found this adorable summer dress at a local shop here in Nashville. I adored it and loved wearing it. I knew I did not look my best in it, but I felt my best. I was in the process of losing weight and this dress was part of my motivation so I could look better in it. My boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend, praise God, as life is much better without this person) told me how I did not look good in the dress and it was not flattering and how it made me look fat. I was so hurt, I had explained to him I knew all of that, but I liked how it made me feel and who cared? I also told him I would never have said anything that hurtful to him. All he could do was reply by saying he was being honest. At the time this occurred we were in couples counseling and I brought this up. I was thankful the therapist agreed that if it was something that made me feel confident, saying something that would bring me down didn't need to be said. The therapist didn't just beat him up for his comment, he found a constructive way to speak to him about the situation.
Now to the present day I am working out trying to lose 30lbs so I can feel better about myself. I have already lost 30lbs and I am thrilled by being able to wear clothes that did not fit for a long time. There are several outfits which will look better once I lose even 15 more pounds. Even with the current weight I have I am happy with myself. I am content with my emotional and most of my physical well being. I am content with who I am, there is always room for improvement and I hope to continue to work on me and grow as a person. Thankfully, I have been maintaining the motivation to workout so I can continue with my fitness goals. I would love to be back at a size 12. I was very athletic at that size and could maintain the energy to do the things I like to do. I was a size 9 once upon a time and I found myself incredibly drained and tired all the time. I didn't have the energy to do much of anything and was always dragging. I was a little better at a size 11, but a size 12 is key for me. I realize many people would call that overweight, and for some it would be. But, I am and will never be a size 6 or smaller and I am very content with that for myself.
We all have to find that thing in our life which brings us joy and contentment. Pushing ourselves to be a smaller size than we need to be is not a healthy way to live. Those models in magazines and runway shows are not "average" they are extremely below average. There is an industry standard for these women to be a size 0-2 and if you are not, you won't fit into the clothes. That does not mean we as non-models of the world need to strive for how they look, seek that within. Seek for how YOU should look, and not how that other person should look. There will always be someone prettier, thinner, taller, shorter, bigger breasts, smaller butt, however, you need to find what suits YOU. You deserve to have peace with how you are as a person. That way, when you look into the mirror and ask yourself, "how do I look"? You can smile and say, "I look good and I am happy with who I am as a person". If you can't do that then seek the change which will bring you joy and peace to your life.
A few years ago I had found this adorable summer dress at a local shop here in Nashville. I adored it and loved wearing it. I knew I did not look my best in it, but I felt my best. I was in the process of losing weight and this dress was part of my motivation so I could look better in it. My boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend, praise God, as life is much better without this person) told me how I did not look good in the dress and it was not flattering and how it made me look fat. I was so hurt, I had explained to him I knew all of that, but I liked how it made me feel and who cared? I also told him I would never have said anything that hurtful to him. All he could do was reply by saying he was being honest. At the time this occurred we were in couples counseling and I brought this up. I was thankful the therapist agreed that if it was something that made me feel confident, saying something that would bring me down didn't need to be said. The therapist didn't just beat him up for his comment, he found a constructive way to speak to him about the situation.
Now to the present day I am working out trying to lose 30lbs so I can feel better about myself. I have already lost 30lbs and I am thrilled by being able to wear clothes that did not fit for a long time. There are several outfits which will look better once I lose even 15 more pounds. Even with the current weight I have I am happy with myself. I am content with my emotional and most of my physical well being. I am content with who I am, there is always room for improvement and I hope to continue to work on me and grow as a person. Thankfully, I have been maintaining the motivation to workout so I can continue with my fitness goals. I would love to be back at a size 12. I was very athletic at that size and could maintain the energy to do the things I like to do. I was a size 9 once upon a time and I found myself incredibly drained and tired all the time. I didn't have the energy to do much of anything and was always dragging. I was a little better at a size 11, but a size 12 is key for me. I realize many people would call that overweight, and for some it would be. But, I am and will never be a size 6 or smaller and I am very content with that for myself.
We all have to find that thing in our life which brings us joy and contentment. Pushing ourselves to be a smaller size than we need to be is not a healthy way to live. Those models in magazines and runway shows are not "average" they are extremely below average. There is an industry standard for these women to be a size 0-2 and if you are not, you won't fit into the clothes. That does not mean we as non-models of the world need to strive for how they look, seek that within. Seek for how YOU should look, and not how that other person should look. There will always be someone prettier, thinner, taller, shorter, bigger breasts, smaller butt, however, you need to find what suits YOU. You deserve to have peace with how you are as a person. That way, when you look into the mirror and ask yourself, "how do I look"? You can smile and say, "I look good and I am happy with who I am as a person". If you can't do that then seek the change which will bring you joy and peace to your life.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 70...Burn Out
I have been experiencing this level of stress that has made me have to stop and acknowledge it. I have a fairly high pain tolerance, and this also leads to a high tolerance to stress. However, my body will begin to tell me when things have reached enough, and I am there. Fatigue like I've never experienced before, stress in my jaw which is causing some TMJ swelling (this by the way is extremely painful). I was doing my regular workout and discovered it had really become a "workout". Considering I have been at the gym for three months now I was a bit perplexed. Then I realized between not eating that healthy and the stress I didn't have the physical energy to give my workout 100%.
Slowing down is not easy for me to do. I am definitely a workaholic and will push myself to get the job done. Facing and accepting burn out is also not easy for me to do. But, a friend pointed out the other night that she was burnt out and explained some of her symptoms. It was enlightening for me as it helped bring awareness to how burnt out I am and have become.
Now to take the steps to make the changes, unfortunately, to make these steps means more work lies ahead. It will take effort to get the necessary follow up things done to get things off my plate. There is a life lesson in all of this, and I hope it will help me get on a more beneficial track for life.
Slowing down is not easy for me to do. I am definitely a workaholic and will push myself to get the job done. Facing and accepting burn out is also not easy for me to do. But, a friend pointed out the other night that she was burnt out and explained some of her symptoms. It was enlightening for me as it helped bring awareness to how burnt out I am and have become.
Now to take the steps to make the changes, unfortunately, to make these steps means more work lies ahead. It will take effort to get the necessary follow up things done to get things off my plate. There is a life lesson in all of this, and I hope it will help me get on a more beneficial track for life.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 69...Life's Turns and Burns
There is a time in our lives when we are thrown a curve ball. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to just have one curve ball sent out way, we can duck, we can run or step up to the plate and give it our best shot.
I have given the past year a pretty hard run to try and better my life. The mistakes I have made have become major life lessons. What have I learned? Everything I have done to make my life better, has only made it worse. I have found myself in this pretty dire situation and I am trying with as much energy as I can to fix it. Unfortunately, my energy is running thin and I am so exhausted it is starting to take a physical toll on me. I push forward because I have not given up yet.
When you get into those tough times you cannot just lay down and let it run you over. You have to get up and run with it. Yes, it may very well still run you flat down, but even down you have to get back up. Life was never meant to be easy, but if we keep putting our faith forward it will lead to great rewards.
I have given the past year a pretty hard run to try and better my life. The mistakes I have made have become major life lessons. What have I learned? Everything I have done to make my life better, has only made it worse. I have found myself in this pretty dire situation and I am trying with as much energy as I can to fix it. Unfortunately, my energy is running thin and I am so exhausted it is starting to take a physical toll on me. I push forward because I have not given up yet.
When you get into those tough times you cannot just lay down and let it run you over. You have to get up and run with it. Yes, it may very well still run you flat down, but even down you have to get back up. Life was never meant to be easy, but if we keep putting our faith forward it will lead to great rewards.
Monday, March 9, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 68...Outside Looking In
I am putting together a fashion runway charity gala event, March 28 at the Nashville Zoo, called Goddesses Against Cancer. During this time I am surrounded by fashion designers, models and boutiques. These individuals are very fashion forward and always look their best.
Then there is me.
As I want to be stylish and look good, I don't always have the time to put myself together. A lot of my clothes sit in storage. Often I don't know what I will encounter from day to day. One day I got a text from a friend asking me to join her for Nashville Fashion Week gala kick off party. Unfortunately, as I was wearing a nice sweater, I was also wearing jeans.
Each morning I am greeted by five sweet little hens who want their breakfast. They also need straw which often gets caught in my hair and clothes. The one day I wore my most lacey blouse was also the day I discovered they had laid their eggs not in the hen house, but under it. You can only imagine how hilarious it was as I crawled into the coop and dug out the eggs.
I wish my life was more in a situation where I could plan and dress more appropriately. However, when life throws you curve ball after curve ball, one has to swing and miss more times than we like to admit.
Yet, I am comfortable with who I am as a person. Where I would love to have my hair cut and styled so it looked better, I do what I can to make it look nice and often I get quite a few compliments. While I would like to be more thin and my clothes fit better, I can only do so much with my current limitation of time. However, I have confidence in myself and I try to present myself in a professional and fun manner.
When I look in the mirror I may not be 100% satisfied, but I am also a work in progress to get back in shape and wear my nicer clothes once again. However, I am happy and content with what I see when I look in the mirror and get a glimpse of the outside world of me. This is because of a lot of years of self exploring and discovery which allows me to have peace within myself.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you being more hard on yourself than necessary? Do you like what you see? If not, what steps do you plan on taking to make the change you want to see in yourself? If you are not happy with who you are, then it is your responsibility to take the steps to find that happiness. Happiness and joy does not just appear within you. It is a choice you have to make and work to discover it and fill your life with it. That does not mean you will be 100% all day everyday. However, it does mean you can find peace within yourself, joy in your heart and life. Then when things do get rough or you get down, you can still maintain or discover some joy in your life.
Take a good long look in the mirror...do you like what you see? If that answer is no, then what will you do today to make a change in your life?
Then there is me.
As I want to be stylish and look good, I don't always have the time to put myself together. A lot of my clothes sit in storage. Often I don't know what I will encounter from day to day. One day I got a text from a friend asking me to join her for Nashville Fashion Week gala kick off party. Unfortunately, as I was wearing a nice sweater, I was also wearing jeans.
Each morning I am greeted by five sweet little hens who want their breakfast. They also need straw which often gets caught in my hair and clothes. The one day I wore my most lacey blouse was also the day I discovered they had laid their eggs not in the hen house, but under it. You can only imagine how hilarious it was as I crawled into the coop and dug out the eggs.
I wish my life was more in a situation where I could plan and dress more appropriately. However, when life throws you curve ball after curve ball, one has to swing and miss more times than we like to admit.
Yet, I am comfortable with who I am as a person. Where I would love to have my hair cut and styled so it looked better, I do what I can to make it look nice and often I get quite a few compliments. While I would like to be more thin and my clothes fit better, I can only do so much with my current limitation of time. However, I have confidence in myself and I try to present myself in a professional and fun manner.
When I look in the mirror I may not be 100% satisfied, but I am also a work in progress to get back in shape and wear my nicer clothes once again. However, I am happy and content with what I see when I look in the mirror and get a glimpse of the outside world of me. This is because of a lot of years of self exploring and discovery which allows me to have peace within myself.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you being more hard on yourself than necessary? Do you like what you see? If not, what steps do you plan on taking to make the change you want to see in yourself? If you are not happy with who you are, then it is your responsibility to take the steps to find that happiness. Happiness and joy does not just appear within you. It is a choice you have to make and work to discover it and fill your life with it. That does not mean you will be 100% all day everyday. However, it does mean you can find peace within yourself, joy in your heart and life. Then when things do get rough or you get down, you can still maintain or discover some joy in your life.
Take a good long look in the mirror...do you like what you see? If that answer is no, then what will you do today to make a change in your life?
Sunday, March 8, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 67...Hello and Good Bye Nashville
Hello and Goodbye to Nashville
I have been at this cross roads for quite some time. A lurking suspicion has been dwelling within
me stating it may be time to move forward with my life. While I have worked quite hard over the past
few years to make the best of Nashville and to make it my home, it is not forever. This has been a struggle for me as the hope
and dream of making it here as a photographer before moving on has been the
plan. Now, I am not sure that is the
plan.
This all began three months ago when I noticed the property
I have wanted to purchase was showing some changes. There was activity on this land that had not
been occurring previously. A bulldozer
was making trails and changes to the land.
A week later I drove past the property again to discover the for sale
sign was down. After seeking answers I
found out that yes, the property had new owners. That began the questions I asked myself if I
am even meant to be here in Nashville. I
thought I would own property, build a house, a studio and have a place for my
chickens. Even with this meditative thought,
I would find myself wondering if this is what I wanted. Did I want to invest all that time and money
into a place knowing it would not be long term?
Even ten years seemed like a short amount of time to invest that kind of
finances into a “home” that I knew would not be forever.
Today I took off and headed to one of my favorite parks here
in Davidson County, Bells Bend Park. It
is off Old Hickory Blvd from Ashland City Hwy/Hwy 12. There is something special about this park,
at least there is to me. There is an
energy that I can sense and feel in my spirit and soul. There have been others who have also spoke
about this energy which they have experienced there. Once a fellow photography friend of mine and
I were hanging out and talking after a photo shoot. He began to open up about his dog who had
passed, his wife and other personal things which were bothering him. This conversation was deep and brought him to
tears. Once we had concluded the
conversation he said he didn’t know why he told me all these things. He then said how he found me to be a good
listener and someone he could open up to.
I told him thank you and I also shared with him how I always felt an
energy at this park and asked if he could sense it. He was quiet for a moment and said that he
could. I gave him reassurance towards
what he shared with me, explained that is what friends do, we are there for one
another. We also talked about the healing
power of nature and the peace we can find by experiencing it. Due to the energy I sense at this park, I
knew it was where I needed to be to sort my thoughts.
I was there the other night, and I thought I had found some clarity. Then a couple hours later I had everything fog up my conclusion and bring me much confusion. I felt lost, despair and needed to find some answers. With no where particular to be, but a lot of things I needed to get done, I took off for the country. I pulled into the familiar drive at the nature center and put my truck into park. I headed out onto the trails losing myself in thought and prayer.
I was there the other night, and I thought I had found some clarity. Then a couple hours later I had everything fog up my conclusion and bring me much confusion. I felt lost, despair and needed to find some answers. With no where particular to be, but a lot of things I needed to get done, I took off for the country. I pulled into the familiar drive at the nature center and put my truck into park. I headed out onto the trails losing myself in thought and prayer.
During this time I found a peace with the fact it is time
for me to go. I asked God to please let
me get my truck fixed and a better place to reside. The prayer of success for this charity event
also was a part of the conversation.
As I don’t have a timeline for when I will leave or where
exactly I will go-I do feel strongly that within the next 3 years I will be
somewhere else. It is time for the wind
to pick up this little gypsy and carry her onward to the next chapter of life. This chapter is basically closed.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On... page 66...A Change in Priorities
A change in priorities
Today I woke up in a camping situation. My life is turned upside down. It has me deeply wondering what the hell I
have been doing so wrong that I cannot seem to get ahead. It is extremely frustrating. While I have made peace with leaving
Nashville, it will be a solid year before that move even begins to happen.
Eventually I found my way to coffee and then something for breakfast. While I wanted to sit down at Panera and get to work, I didn’t know if they would like me bringing in a beverage from another place into their venue. This lead me to finding a park where I ate and listened to the radio. While sitting in this park I was watching the traffic on Charlotte Avenue. Charlotte is one of the main roadways in Nashville. It will take you out of Nashville and it will drop you right into downtown. It is a very busy section of roadway in this area. Watching the cars and listening to the noise added weight to me making the right decision to leave. Once I had finished my breakfast I contemplated what to do next. While I am trying to conserve what I use for gas in my truck, I have not been out to Scottsboro or Ashland City much lately. However, I am tired of this strict budget use and after I started up my truck I pointed her in the direction of the country side. Driving around this time of year in Tennessee there isn’t much “pretty” to look at, a lot of it is drab. Yet, the hills, trees, country homes and roads brought me a little freedom from the stress. While I knew a lot of work was piling up that needed to get done today, I kept driving. Eventually I found myself next to the Cumberland River where the old ferry once was on the river. With the rain and snow the river is quite high, and unfortunately I can hear the rumble of I-40 in the distance. Yet, it is the best I can do for now and I will take it.
Eventually I found my way to coffee and then something for breakfast. While I wanted to sit down at Panera and get to work, I didn’t know if they would like me bringing in a beverage from another place into their venue. This lead me to finding a park where I ate and listened to the radio. While sitting in this park I was watching the traffic on Charlotte Avenue. Charlotte is one of the main roadways in Nashville. It will take you out of Nashville and it will drop you right into downtown. It is a very busy section of roadway in this area. Watching the cars and listening to the noise added weight to me making the right decision to leave. Once I had finished my breakfast I contemplated what to do next. While I am trying to conserve what I use for gas in my truck, I have not been out to Scottsboro or Ashland City much lately. However, I am tired of this strict budget use and after I started up my truck I pointed her in the direction of the country side. Driving around this time of year in Tennessee there isn’t much “pretty” to look at, a lot of it is drab. Yet, the hills, trees, country homes and roads brought me a little freedom from the stress. While I knew a lot of work was piling up that needed to get done today, I kept driving. Eventually I found myself next to the Cumberland River where the old ferry once was on the river. With the rain and snow the river is quite high, and unfortunately I can hear the rumble of I-40 in the distance. Yet, it is the best I can do for now and I will take it.
On the drive out there I was listening to public radio on
90.3FM. It has been a very long time
since I have been able to listen to this station. It brought me too much pain to be able to
listen to my favorite radio shows. Once
upon a time I spent my Sundays the best way possible, at least to me. This was not every Sunday, often Sunday is
left for caving, hiking, sleeping in, but my favorite way to spend a Sunday
morning is sleeping in a little bit.
Once out of bed, head outside to feed my chickens their breakfast. Once back in the house I enjoy making a nice
big breakfast. Maybe a breakfast
consisting of eggs with bacon, homemade biscuits, or waffles with fruit,
powdered sugar, chocolate chips, with butter
and maple syrup. While I cook the radio plays in the background with the fun
NPR radio shows that I enjoy. Then once
left over waffle, biscuit or toast pieces have been tossed to the chickens,
pick out a movie and lounge on the couch.
Snuggle up with a blanket or someone you love and enjoy a relaxing
Sunday.
It has been longer than I can even remember when I had a
Sunday like that, but I have come to realize that is the way I want to spend my
life. This constant rat race is not for
me. I have encountered it before and it
wasn’t for me then. There is so much I
have taken off my plate and instead of being unhappy about the decision, I
found joy. The process to sit down and
figure out what needed to be eliminated was not easy, but I am glad for the
direction I went with the decision made.
I continue to take things off my plate.
The biggest thing right now for me is this charity event. While part of me is regretting re-scheduling
it, another part of me wants it to be the best it can be and get it done so it
can be off my plate. I do not know at this point and time if I will do a second
event. Right now, that answer is leaning
heavily on “no”. But, I don’t want to
make that decision until after the event is over and I have taken some time to
decompress from everything.
Today was not exactly how I would like to spend my Sunday. Yet, it was really nice to finally have peace in my life to where I can listen to NPR again. I have missed those shows and hoped deep inside there would be a day enough time had passed to heal my heart to where I could listen to them again.
Today was not exactly how I would like to spend my Sunday. Yet, it was really nice to finally have peace in my life to where I can listen to NPR again. I have missed those shows and hoped deep inside there would be a day enough time had passed to heal my heart to where I could listen to them again.
Life is still far from where I want it to be. However, over the course of the past three
months and especially the past two weeks I have really been taking advantage of
re-evaluating my life. I realize how
much I love the quiet and solitude of the country. While I have known I am not a big city party
girl, I enjoy it from time to time. I
would be willing to give up some things to trade in to have a home in the
country, a garden, time to cook and bake again.
This doesn’t mean I have to give up my career goals, which part of me
had some fear that going after what I want would mean eliminating what I have
been working towards. It broke my heart
to think I would have to walk away from photography as a profession. It just means I need to reconsider a few
things. I still don’t know how I am
going to travel with my photography and writing, God will show me the way. It stated on Joel Osteen’s Facebook page this
morning, “God has put seeds of greatness on the inside. Break out of your box. Ask God for the secret
petitions He’s placed on the inside of you.
If you can accomplish it on your own, then it’s not a God-sized
dream. Enlarge your vision.”
If that is the case, I definitely have a God-sized dream, as what I am trying to do and accomplish can most certainly not be done on my own. At times it is quite scary. The song “Fly” which has recently come out on the radio has very good timing for me. It speaks to my heart and soul and often brings me to tears as I am on the verge of giving up, yet I don’t want to. I want to know I can make what my heart desires into a reality.
If that is the case, I definitely have a God-sized dream, as what I am trying to do and accomplish can most certainly not be done on my own. At times it is quite scary. The song “Fly” which has recently come out on the radio has very good timing for me. It speaks to my heart and soul and often brings me to tears as I am on the verge of giving up, yet I don’t want to. I want to know I can make what my heart desires into a reality.
It has been a tough road.
I keep hoping it will get better.
I keep hoping I get to hear from Chad and see him soon. I keep hoping that if I keep trying I can
have it all, a successful business, my writing published and a good man who
loves me in my life with a nice home to enjoy.
Until then…I continue to push onward even though I am tired,
flat out exhausted, there is a touch of fight left in me. Let’s hope it is enough.
Friday, March 6, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 65...Accept Who You Are
We all go through struggles of figuring out who we are in
life. There was a time I didn't know who I was as a person. I found myself completely run down and exhausted which lead me to being sick for over six months. When a friend told me I had no other choice than to go to a doctor I gave in and made an appointment. They drew blood, ran tests and after much "science" the doctor said I was run down and depressed. Immediately she wanted to put me on drugs, and I said no. She said I had to seek some counseling and return in 30 days if I was not better I had no option but to go on anti-depressants.
I found counseling from a Pastor at a local church and met with him once a week for the duration of the next four weeks. During this time I picked up dance classes and began to work on me. It was not easy, but it was time to do it. My friend, who told me to go to the doctor, would invite me over and make me do nothing. Yep. Nothing. Now to most this sounds wonderful, but I am a workaholic who never learned how to relax. I was only allowed to sit or lay on her couch and watch tv and or flip through a magazine. This took a lot of effort and was exhausting to me. Yet, thank God for this friend and her patience as I went through a process to learn how to relax.
30 days went by and I returned to my appointment. The doctor was surprised I had made progress without medication. This doctor explained to me how I opened her eyes that drugs are not always the solution. She further explained that doctors want their patients to get well quickly and drugs are their go to in order to accomplish that goal.
For the next couple of months I continued with the counseling, really got into my dance classes and took time for me. This consisted of bubble baths in my claw foot bathtub with a glass of wine. Hiking, exploring, mini road trips, finding a sense of peace within. It was during this time I began to discover my own sense of style, and let go of things which once interested me but no longer fit.
Have you looked in the mirror or more importantly, taken the time to figure out who you are? It is difficult to accept who you are if you do not know. This can be a long process, however, the journey to get yourself to a little self discovery is worth the time and effort.
I found counseling from a Pastor at a local church and met with him once a week for the duration of the next four weeks. During this time I picked up dance classes and began to work on me. It was not easy, but it was time to do it. My friend, who told me to go to the doctor, would invite me over and make me do nothing. Yep. Nothing. Now to most this sounds wonderful, but I am a workaholic who never learned how to relax. I was only allowed to sit or lay on her couch and watch tv and or flip through a magazine. This took a lot of effort and was exhausting to me. Yet, thank God for this friend and her patience as I went through a process to learn how to relax.
30 days went by and I returned to my appointment. The doctor was surprised I had made progress without medication. This doctor explained to me how I opened her eyes that drugs are not always the solution. She further explained that doctors want their patients to get well quickly and drugs are their go to in order to accomplish that goal.
For the next couple of months I continued with the counseling, really got into my dance classes and took time for me. This consisted of bubble baths in my claw foot bathtub with a glass of wine. Hiking, exploring, mini road trips, finding a sense of peace within. It was during this time I began to discover my own sense of style, and let go of things which once interested me but no longer fit.
Have you looked in the mirror or more importantly, taken the time to figure out who you are? It is difficult to accept who you are if you do not know. This can be a long process, however, the journey to get yourself to a little self discovery is worth the time and effort.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 64...Tired of Starting Over
Tired of Starting Over?
I have been working quite diligently with my photography business for over a year. I have made a lot of mistakes, learned quite a bit, and tried what seems like an endless list of marketing ideas to gain ground.
I have been working quite diligently with my photography business for over a year. I have made a lot of mistakes, learned quite a bit, and tried what seems like an endless list of marketing ideas to gain ground.
I am not where I want to be.
I am most certainly not where I thought I would be. It would be very easy for me to give up. There is no denying I have considered
it. Yet, I am still here, fighting.
During the past couple weeks as I have been really re-evaluating every aspect of my life, giving up on my photography business has been at the top of my list. Then I came across a post which I believe was on Facebook, which was a simple statement. “Tired of starting over, then quit giving up” This had a lot of resonance with me. Over the course of the past ten years I have tried to get my photography business started. One thing or another has gotten me discouraged enough or distracted enough to quit. Now, here I sit ten years later and I am still at the beginning stage of my business. No one said this would be easy. At a Christmas party in December I overheard one photographer tell an aspiring photographer “If you keep working at it, eventually your competition will give up” Considering while at a photo shoot a couple weeks ago I came across photography lights, which had a friend and what was once a fellow colleague, name on them. He had sold his gear as he gave up.
One of the suggestions I came across last year to help promote my business was to put on an event. I took that suggestion and put it on steroids. The event I am doing is a fashion show charity gala event. This event is meant to raise money for cancer awareness and support the Survivor Glam Squad. The Survivor Glam Squad is quite awesome, they offer free makeovers to cancer survivors to help them discover even after chemo, radiation and their scars they still remain beautiful. It is empowering and I love what they do.
Unfortunately, when one has their life turned upside down, and trying to piece things together as they get back on their feet…tossing a large event on top of it all adds quite a substantial amount of stress. Where this event was initially to promote my business, it really has opened my eyes and become so much more than a promotional event. This really has allowed me to experience the kindness and grace of cancer survivors. It has been a learning opportunity to discover the strength of a cancer patient and what they have to go through. Many of them want to give up. Yet, they push onward and fight. This result is a cancer survivor. There may one day be a cure for cancer, however, there will always be survivors.
Giving up and quitting is easy. However, I have not traveled this long and challenging road to give up. My fight continues and I can only hope and pray there will be an end result called success.
During the past couple weeks as I have been really re-evaluating every aspect of my life, giving up on my photography business has been at the top of my list. Then I came across a post which I believe was on Facebook, which was a simple statement. “Tired of starting over, then quit giving up” This had a lot of resonance with me. Over the course of the past ten years I have tried to get my photography business started. One thing or another has gotten me discouraged enough or distracted enough to quit. Now, here I sit ten years later and I am still at the beginning stage of my business. No one said this would be easy. At a Christmas party in December I overheard one photographer tell an aspiring photographer “If you keep working at it, eventually your competition will give up” Considering while at a photo shoot a couple weeks ago I came across photography lights, which had a friend and what was once a fellow colleague, name on them. He had sold his gear as he gave up.
One of the suggestions I came across last year to help promote my business was to put on an event. I took that suggestion and put it on steroids. The event I am doing is a fashion show charity gala event. This event is meant to raise money for cancer awareness and support the Survivor Glam Squad. The Survivor Glam Squad is quite awesome, they offer free makeovers to cancer survivors to help them discover even after chemo, radiation and their scars they still remain beautiful. It is empowering and I love what they do.
Unfortunately, when one has their life turned upside down, and trying to piece things together as they get back on their feet…tossing a large event on top of it all adds quite a substantial amount of stress. Where this event was initially to promote my business, it really has opened my eyes and become so much more than a promotional event. This really has allowed me to experience the kindness and grace of cancer survivors. It has been a learning opportunity to discover the strength of a cancer patient and what they have to go through. Many of them want to give up. Yet, they push onward and fight. This result is a cancer survivor. There may one day be a cure for cancer, however, there will always be survivors.
Giving up and quitting is easy. However, I have not traveled this long and challenging road to give up. My fight continues and I can only hope and pray there will be an end result called success.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 63...Struggle
How much struggle is enough? How much should a person endure until they call it quits and give up? Is there a limit that a person should put on chasing dreams?
This is my debate and struggle...I feel I am reaching my limit, yet the idea of giving up hurts deep in my heart.
It was difficult enough to face the day when I had to realize that I needed to stop training horses. It was something which took me a long time to make such a decision. I loved training horses and thankfully I am proud to say I was good at it. When I had my own training program going I had a two year waiting list with 9 to 12 horses in the program a month. What a blessing to be able to grow up and live my dream of riding and training horses. Over a duration of time I had to accept if I continued to ride and train I was going to get quite beat up. I wanted to avoid a serious injury which could lead to surgery. A horse trainer does not get to ride the well trained, well behaved horses. We get the horses who need adjustments, assistance, training to know how to perform, ride and behave. During this time there is bucking, rearing, kicking, pulling, tumbles and falls. However, with patience and consistency you can turn that animal into a respectable equine who can ride off safely and peacefully.
I loved it. Maybe not every minute of it...ok, every minute of it. I miss it, some days I miss it a little bit and other days I miss it a lot. However, I did not want to live my life in braces with back and joint pain. Although, I do have my share of injuries from riding and I do live in discomfort most days. One would never know as I have learned to accept and cope with this pain. When it gets bad I try to stretch and do physical therapy exercises.
Now I am facing a year into really putting a lot of effort, time, energy, emotion, and money into my business. If I were a bar, I would have to close my doors. I don't know what to do, I have only had two sessions booked. A very far draw from the 50 sessions I want to get booked this year. I'm exhausted and emotionally drained, I don't know how much more I can give...and that brings me the deepest sadness.
I've been stepping back trying to figure out what it is I want in my life. Everything is mixed up and my emotions are all over the place. I don't know what to do.
Artists struggle, it is part of our journey. We give and give to our art because it fulfills us and we believe in it. Along with my artistic side there is also a side of me which wants to pay the bills, have good credit, buy a home and live a peaceful life. The two sides struggle trying to find peace with one another as they each find their balance.
What struggles are you enduring? Have you found a path to bring you peace to your solution? What ever your struggle may be, I hope the journey you are on brings you joy.
This is my debate and struggle...I feel I am reaching my limit, yet the idea of giving up hurts deep in my heart.
It was difficult enough to face the day when I had to realize that I needed to stop training horses. It was something which took me a long time to make such a decision. I loved training horses and thankfully I am proud to say I was good at it. When I had my own training program going I had a two year waiting list with 9 to 12 horses in the program a month. What a blessing to be able to grow up and live my dream of riding and training horses. Over a duration of time I had to accept if I continued to ride and train I was going to get quite beat up. I wanted to avoid a serious injury which could lead to surgery. A horse trainer does not get to ride the well trained, well behaved horses. We get the horses who need adjustments, assistance, training to know how to perform, ride and behave. During this time there is bucking, rearing, kicking, pulling, tumbles and falls. However, with patience and consistency you can turn that animal into a respectable equine who can ride off safely and peacefully.
I loved it. Maybe not every minute of it...ok, every minute of it. I miss it, some days I miss it a little bit and other days I miss it a lot. However, I did not want to live my life in braces with back and joint pain. Although, I do have my share of injuries from riding and I do live in discomfort most days. One would never know as I have learned to accept and cope with this pain. When it gets bad I try to stretch and do physical therapy exercises.
Now I am facing a year into really putting a lot of effort, time, energy, emotion, and money into my business. If I were a bar, I would have to close my doors. I don't know what to do, I have only had two sessions booked. A very far draw from the 50 sessions I want to get booked this year. I'm exhausted and emotionally drained, I don't know how much more I can give...and that brings me the deepest sadness.
I've been stepping back trying to figure out what it is I want in my life. Everything is mixed up and my emotions are all over the place. I don't know what to do.
Artists struggle, it is part of our journey. We give and give to our art because it fulfills us and we believe in it. Along with my artistic side there is also a side of me which wants to pay the bills, have good credit, buy a home and live a peaceful life. The two sides struggle trying to find peace with one another as they each find their balance.
What struggles are you enduring? Have you found a path to bring you peace to your solution? What ever your struggle may be, I hope the journey you are on brings you joy.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 62...Country
While I have been re-evaluating life, where it is leading me, longing for the country it has brought a lot of tension, confusion and emotion.
A couple days ago I texted a dear friend, Amy Jo. I met this woman in college and we instantly clicked and became very intense and dear friends. We get each other. At so many levels when someone else would think we would be talking nutty or crazy, we can honestly look one another in the eye and say, "Yeah, I get it".
Tonight I heard back from her and she informed me she is on a spiritual journey. Immediately I was intrigued and asked her to educate me. She went on saying how she went to a shamans aura reading class, it turned out she is a 'healer' in training, aka a young shaman. This suits her and I was not surprised by her sharing this with me.
Right away she spoke about my tension. Something my brother touched on the last time I talked to him. He commented how he felt I was "all wound up". My brother, who usually is, was once again right. I've been suppressing my tension and stress the best I can as I face life and the challenges it is throwing at me. Trying to make the best of it with an underlying hope things will turn around and get better. I'm starting to break out which is classic for me regarding signs of stress.
She further continued saying she can see me "in a field with tall grass at sunset". If I go there I will get some answers, especially pertaining to my photography. Then she followed with, "when the tears come, let them flow".
For at least two months now I have been wanting to go out to my favorite park. I keep holding myself back, a lot of it due to my truck not being in peak condition. Yet, there have been several times I have headed down Briley to only turn around. My spirit, my soul calls and yearns for the country, the peace, the quiet, the serenity. I continue to hope my business and writing will get me to where I want to be. I don't know how else to get there. How wonderful would it be to wake up and look out the window to see beautiful country side? For quite some time I have wanted to be able to step outside into the yard and walk to my chickens hen house and coop. To play my fiddle outside again, to garden, to have a loft or comfortable place to write, create, get lost in day dreams.
Every day I keep telling myself it is going to get better. The words of "another day closer" pass through me frequently. The hope is not gone yet, however, the sadness of it all feeling like it is so far away and the wonder if it will ever happen creeps in and lingers. I know it is what I want, and I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen.
Now to get out to that piece of land around sunset, wander, contemplate and wait to see what happens and what comes from it all.
Until then, I enjoy my new guilty pleasure a tv show called "Heartland". A show about a working horse training ranch with a young teenager who is the lead trainer on the property.
I also find myself thinking a lot about Chad...and how I have not heard from him in a week. My friend Amber says to be patient, that this guy could be something special for me. Then just as I'm dealing with doubt this morning, a song by Hank Jr comes on the radio. As I'm listenting to the song, one I listened to a bunch growing up on the farm, I'm comparing how Hank is a Jr and Chad is a Jr, just like my Dad. Then a line in he song I had never paid any attention to before grabs my attention, it listed the state "West Virginia". At work Amber was texting me telling me to "chill out" and how things will be fine when our lunch we ordered showed up at work. The person who brought in the food handed me the drink container, which happened to be an empty six pack container for Budweiser. That is the beer Chad drinks.
Coincidence?
I was taught while in Memphis there is no such thing as a coincidence, but God at work. As it was handed to me I stopped in my tracks and took a few seconds to look at it. I was surprised by the well known red color along with the Budweiser logo. I was further surprised by the irony of it all.
While things would be easier if I would hear from him, but I guess there is a lesson in all of this some how.
A couple days ago I texted a dear friend, Amy Jo. I met this woman in college and we instantly clicked and became very intense and dear friends. We get each other. At so many levels when someone else would think we would be talking nutty or crazy, we can honestly look one another in the eye and say, "Yeah, I get it".
Tonight I heard back from her and she informed me she is on a spiritual journey. Immediately I was intrigued and asked her to educate me. She went on saying how she went to a shamans aura reading class, it turned out she is a 'healer' in training, aka a young shaman. This suits her and I was not surprised by her sharing this with me.
Right away she spoke about my tension. Something my brother touched on the last time I talked to him. He commented how he felt I was "all wound up". My brother, who usually is, was once again right. I've been suppressing my tension and stress the best I can as I face life and the challenges it is throwing at me. Trying to make the best of it with an underlying hope things will turn around and get better. I'm starting to break out which is classic for me regarding signs of stress.
She further continued saying she can see me "in a field with tall grass at sunset". If I go there I will get some answers, especially pertaining to my photography. Then she followed with, "when the tears come, let them flow".
For at least two months now I have been wanting to go out to my favorite park. I keep holding myself back, a lot of it due to my truck not being in peak condition. Yet, there have been several times I have headed down Briley to only turn around. My spirit, my soul calls and yearns for the country, the peace, the quiet, the serenity. I continue to hope my business and writing will get me to where I want to be. I don't know how else to get there. How wonderful would it be to wake up and look out the window to see beautiful country side? For quite some time I have wanted to be able to step outside into the yard and walk to my chickens hen house and coop. To play my fiddle outside again, to garden, to have a loft or comfortable place to write, create, get lost in day dreams.
Every day I keep telling myself it is going to get better. The words of "another day closer" pass through me frequently. The hope is not gone yet, however, the sadness of it all feeling like it is so far away and the wonder if it will ever happen creeps in and lingers. I know it is what I want, and I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen.
Now to get out to that piece of land around sunset, wander, contemplate and wait to see what happens and what comes from it all.
Until then, I enjoy my new guilty pleasure a tv show called "Heartland". A show about a working horse training ranch with a young teenager who is the lead trainer on the property.
I also find myself thinking a lot about Chad...and how I have not heard from him in a week. My friend Amber says to be patient, that this guy could be something special for me. Then just as I'm dealing with doubt this morning, a song by Hank Jr comes on the radio. As I'm listenting to the song, one I listened to a bunch growing up on the farm, I'm comparing how Hank is a Jr and Chad is a Jr, just like my Dad. Then a line in he song I had never paid any attention to before grabs my attention, it listed the state "West Virginia". At work Amber was texting me telling me to "chill out" and how things will be fine when our lunch we ordered showed up at work. The person who brought in the food handed me the drink container, which happened to be an empty six pack container for Budweiser. That is the beer Chad drinks.
Coincidence?
I was taught while in Memphis there is no such thing as a coincidence, but God at work. As it was handed to me I stopped in my tracks and took a few seconds to look at it. I was surprised by the well known red color along with the Budweiser logo. I was further surprised by the irony of it all.
While things would be easier if I would hear from him, but I guess there is a lesson in all of this some how.
Monday, March 2, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 61...Crashed
I am putting together a charity event. It will be on March 28 at the Nashville Zoo. I did a lot of praying about this event before I decided to re-schedule it.
My website has information regarding this event. Unfortunately, for some reason the website on a computer is showing updated information. However, on a mobile site it is not showing the corrections, but rather old information.
Doing google research, taking advice from a couple web experts I kept trying to fix it. Unfortunately, during that process I made the website crash. Now I don't know what to do and definitely do not know how to fix it.
I'm disheartened and discouraged, yet the time continues to tick away. The days are going to continue to go by, and therefore, I need to keep pushing onward. A lot of work waits ahead for this event, and I hope in the end it is a sold out event that helps make a difference in the community in which I call home. ...for now...
My website has information regarding this event. Unfortunately, for some reason the website on a computer is showing updated information. However, on a mobile site it is not showing the corrections, but rather old information.
Doing google research, taking advice from a couple web experts I kept trying to fix it. Unfortunately, during that process I made the website crash. Now I don't know what to do and definitely do not know how to fix it.
I'm disheartened and discouraged, yet the time continues to tick away. The days are going to continue to go by, and therefore, I need to keep pushing onward. A lot of work waits ahead for this event, and I hope in the end it is a sold out event that helps make a difference in the community in which I call home. ...for now...
Sunday, March 1, 2015
LaCresha's Lens Focuses On...page 60...A Quiet Lifestyle
There comes a time in life when I think many of us reflect on a quieter time in our lives. Possibly it is a quieter time we seek or desire. There is a very good reason why so many people love spending time fishing, hiking, alone in the woods. Many people do not understand how farmers and ranchers can live their lives out on the range, roaming fields with tractors living a lonely life. If one went and spoke to these people they would discover the solitude doesn't affect them, they long for it.
Over the course of several years I have sought off and on a career in photography. I have taken classes, practiced and obtained expensive photography equipment and learned how to use it correctly. All the while I have been seeking a career which would allow me to return to the country, to a more peaceful living.
During this rat race I have become exhausted. This only fuels me to want to get to the quiet even more than ever. Yet, the road ahead is not done, it is long to remains to be bumpy, full of curves and I'm sure some surprises. Is it possible for me to make it happen, I don't know. I find it interesting that a song called, "Fly" has recently been playing on the radio. It speaks of a girl with blue eyes who is going after her dream. It encourages to keep on climbing even though the road may shake, to keep reaching for the end of the limb, even if it may break.
I feel I am at a cross roads of letting a dream go. It breaks my heart. I feel like a failure, and there is a lot of fear pulsating through my veins. Things that mattered a year ago, don't matter anymore. To wake up in the country not being worried about the simple things that have been stressing me out would be nice. I want to have a simple life, one filled with joy, peace, love, and ideally a career. Preferably a career in photography and writing. I have learned over the years to go with the wind takes me, and be willing to adapt to change.
Right now I am tired and done with how things have been over the course of the past year and a half. It is time for a change, and to make the most of that change to incorporate the next step in my life.
Over the course of several years I have sought off and on a career in photography. I have taken classes, practiced and obtained expensive photography equipment and learned how to use it correctly. All the while I have been seeking a career which would allow me to return to the country, to a more peaceful living.
During this rat race I have become exhausted. This only fuels me to want to get to the quiet even more than ever. Yet, the road ahead is not done, it is long to remains to be bumpy, full of curves and I'm sure some surprises. Is it possible for me to make it happen, I don't know. I find it interesting that a song called, "Fly" has recently been playing on the radio. It speaks of a girl with blue eyes who is going after her dream. It encourages to keep on climbing even though the road may shake, to keep reaching for the end of the limb, even if it may break.
I feel I am at a cross roads of letting a dream go. It breaks my heart. I feel like a failure, and there is a lot of fear pulsating through my veins. Things that mattered a year ago, don't matter anymore. To wake up in the country not being worried about the simple things that have been stressing me out would be nice. I want to have a simple life, one filled with joy, peace, love, and ideally a career. Preferably a career in photography and writing. I have learned over the years to go with the wind takes me, and be willing to adapt to change.
Right now I am tired and done with how things have been over the course of the past year and a half. It is time for a change, and to make the most of that change to incorporate the next step in my life.
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