I am missing someone. My heart is missing someone. What is most difficult about missing this person is, I don't know if I am allowed to miss them.
In this series of posts I have mentioned a guy I met online. Two weeks ago was the last time I heard from him. Where this has not been uncommon, he is a professional truck driver and sometimes his loads take him into Canada. When this happens he is traditionally gone for a week to two weeks at a time.
This particular time, he is not in Canada, he is in West Virginia where he lives. When he and I last spoke his Grandma was not doing well and he was trying to get home to see her before she passed away. The company he drives for was not being agreeable to sending him home like they said they would. This was bringing him a level of frustration which was making him question his career on the road. He told me his older brother heard about a company which has local hauls and would allow him to be home nights and weekends for the same money. Depending on how soon his current company was willing to get him home would depend whether or not he left to work for this company based in West Virginia. Between this prospect career change, his family stress, he was not up for a lot of talking. The last I heard from him was he was planning on being home for a long time. Unfortunately for me, I don't know what that means.
I made the comment to him that with him taking this job in WV and going home we would never meet. He reassured me that we would. Yet his focus was on his Grandma, his family and I knew it was not good timing to talk or push anything. I tried to be the bigger person and sent him a heartfelt note stating that I cared about him and wanted nothing but the best for him. I further stated that I knew he had a lot on his shoulders, heart, mind and he didn't need me as a distraction. I told him to get some rest, and if being home he happened to find himself a WV girl that she would be incredibly lucky to have him.
Now we are approaching the holiday weekend. I'm sure he is spending time with his family and doing who knows what. Where he lives he doesn't have signal so reaching out to him is pointless. I just don't know if this is his way of blowing me off or him needing time to deal with everything.
Regardless...I miss him. There is nothing I can do expect keep myself busy and watch these days pass by. I don't know what to make of all of this which has happened with him over the past few months. About a month ago he told me he has told his family about me. He said he has told his Mom, Dad and brothers about me. Curious I asked him what he said to them about me and his reply was sweet, "That I think I finally found someone to settle with"
So, if that is the case...where are you and will I ever hear from you?
I'm not lonely, I actually feel quite fulfilled. I am thankful for the blessing of my incredible friends, new job and its opportunities. I am endlessly thankful and grateful for my writing gig. I pray often for it to continue and that I can do well with this part time career. Yet, even with all which keeps me busy, the fitness challenge, my writing, the job, chickies, he returns to my thoughts over and over.
This is once again another "time will tell" situation. As much as I would like to be perfectly patient I have not been. I desire answers and some sort of sign of what is to come. Today I did noticed a couple of things which made me wonder if they were signs or something of complete coincidence. Considering my amazing friend Sue has endlessly reminded me there is no such thing as a coincidence, I can't help but think maybe, just maybe God is speaking to me. No matter what it may be, even as I miss him, there is this calm which lies over me. That itself has to mean something, right?
Until I have some sort of indication of what is to come, or IF I will hear from him again.... I live my life, I go to work, I chase my dreams and work on my goals. Not sure what else I can possibly do, so I'm just trying to do the best I can until something happens, or enough time passes where I have my answer.
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