Before I stepped into seeing the movie I had to really set myself up to separate the man who the story was about and my friend. There were many parts of the trailer and photos which showed the actual Chris Kyle and the actor, who looked a lot alike, and also looked similar to the Chris I know.
The movie was amazing, and it was one of the very few movies where once it was over, the entire theatre was quiet. Everyone sat in the black stillness in complete silence. I do not believe that I was the only one with tears in the theatre. After the movie I walked outside and it was snowing, I crossed the parking lot and burst into tears. I felt sadness for this person and his family. Mostly, the reality of how much I miss my family.
It also got me thinking about a family friend, Matt. Matt is like a brother to me, and he is one of my brothers friends. Growing up, he was over all the time, and for a while he lived with us. I don't remember the specific day he came home to tell us he was leaving for Dessert Storm, but I remember that time in my life. I was panicked, it was the first time in my life someone I knew was leaving for war and I did not know if he would come back. I did not know...if my brother, because as far as I am concerned Matt IS my brother, would come home.
To this day there is a braid in my hair, which I re-braid every two-three weeks. I put this braid in my hair and while Matt was away I wore a yellow ribbon in it. Once he returned home, I took the yellow ribbon out, but I kept the braid in my hair to remind myself every day there are men and women out there who are making great sacrifices to keep us safe.
Once I was in college I was bartending, and one day a man was sitting at my bar. I could tell he had a lot going through his head. He sat quietly with his drink, wearing his army jacket. Finally, he began asking me questions like who I was, he knew me and I couldn't quite figure out who he was, when I asked, "How would I be affiliated with you?" He scoffed and said something along the lines of "affiliated, are you a college girl or something?" I replied and said I was in college when finally he said, "LaCresha, its your brother, Matt" I felt awful that I did not recognize him. Sadly, he never came back to that bar, at least not while I was working.
It takes a special kind of person who enters into the military. Not everyone who goes in stays with it. Even if they do stay with it, there are times when they are honorably discharged, and times when they are discharged without 'honor'. It is a difficult job which takes you away from family and friends. A person in the service faces things and has to be prepared for things we should not have to see or experience. Then they return to what is referenced as "civilian life" and expect to be "normal". When you are trained for combat you have to mentally and physically be prepared for a life which becomes a new normal. I am grateful that PTSD is something which is now spoken about more openly. It is nice to see an effort being made to assist soldiers find job placement once they step out of the realms of their service work. Yet, sometimes I feel it is not enough for all they do and sacrifice for us. We take it for granted, the safety on our streets, in our homes and with our families.
When I see a man or woman in uniform I want to go and thank them. Yet, I hesitate because I feel I want to respect their space. Maybe one day I will feel bold enough to take those steps and reach out to shake their hand to openly say, "thank you".
Until that day comes to pass, for those in our country and abroad, "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for all that you have done, endured and the sacrifices that you have chosen to make for the sake of our country. I want you to know it is appreciated."
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