I am exhausted, absolutely positively, down to being cranky, exhausted. For 15 months I have been endlessly fighting and struggling to get ahead. I was put into a situation which completely blind sided me.
Since December of 2013 I put my mind to working towards my professional career goal of starting my own business. It was also during this time I decided I wanted to get back into shape, and get down to the size I was when I moved to Nashville. Determination was in full power and I also took on coordinating workshops, and a huge photo project called, "Goddesses Against Cancer".
I think the average person takes on one goal at a time. Traditionally, for most, it is to take on a fitness goal, a change of how one eats. Apparently, I am not in that realm of individuals. I took on major goals all at once: finally putting the full attention effort into starting my photography business, taking on the major task of coordinating photography workshops, started a podcast, creating websites for all of these things, a photo project Goddesses Against Cancer, which turned into a fundraising effort with a runway show and a calendar. I also took on pursuing my writing and taking it more seriously than before.
Along with all of this I was searching for a job, found a job, and living in a really shitty place. After the air conditioner went out I moved out-and ended not exactly having a place to live. I found a place to live to find out it had mold and it was making me incredibly ill. Back to not having a place to live...and having to cancel the runway show.
I then was fortunate to find an amazing place thanks to friends who had a house they were not living in, but owned in Green Hills. All along, I am working myself into exhaustion, yet my determination has not dwindled, but prayer has increased.
I am finally re-doing the runway show, getting refocuses on the calendar and Goddess Project. I am longing for the day when things begin to fall into place a little better. I continue to make financial sacrifices so I can invest in my business, which would be easier if I had not lost so many hours at my part time job in December. During this time I also found out I had to move out of my apartment in less than 3 weeks.
During this past week I wrapped up a two week house sitting job, found out my new roommate wouldn't let me move in as expected. Received some help finding a place to live, discovered I couldn't move into this place due to it being so cold outside. I have been sleeping on my friends floor, wishing my life would come together and finally make some damn sense.
I'm frustrated, I'm exhausted, I'm getting to where I am distracted, I can't think...I wonder what is wrong with me and why can't I get it together?
On top of all of this, the man I am absolutely crazy about, who I try not to think about...is what I think about... I don't think he likes me, but...I really wish he did...guess time will tell.
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