Ever come to a cross roads in life? Maybe life is giving you the option to choose a path. How do you go about evaluating which is right for you? Do you calculate the risks of each option? Take a few moments for a classic pro/con list?
There have been times I have come to my own crossroads in life. During this time I try to make the best decision that I can make for what suits the moment. Sometimes it has brought struggle, other times it has brought adventure or life lessons. Regardless the outcome, there is always the growth, character development which can come with the choices we make in life. Along the way we meet new people, maybe travel to new places and discover something within us we never knew was there, or suspected was there all along.
I am currently going through a phase of a duration of a cross road. Ever since I left my parents farm to obtain my Bachelors degree, I was ready to return to home, get back to the country. The draw for my soul to have open spaces, large fields, woods, wildlife, the peace of the country life. Yet, as I sought after employment, I continued to find the better paying jobs in the city. It was a job opportunity with the Show Place Arena which took me to Memphis, TN. From there it was the draw of a safer living environment which took me to Nashville, TN. When I have looked for other jobs in other towns, states, I have always found the better paying employment opportunities residing within larger cities. As I am pursuing my business and writing career, the anxiousness to get out in the peace, quiet and serenity of the country life is calling louder and louder. This inner voice has made me sit up and pay attention and completely re-evaluate where I am in life, how I am trying to get to where I want to be, and a big decision which has been waiting for a while.
Do I try to pursue a business and writing career from a small town and country environment?
Since I am in a position of having to work in an office while pursuing these goals, should I just go home? Find a job in an office during the day while I work on the business and writing at night?
I am doing that now, why not do it where I want to be.
That gives me the next question, am I ready? I love Nashville. I have worked very hard to make this area my home. The blessing of good friends flow and these amazing individuals are my family. I have made amazing connections in the photography world, and small connections in the fashion industry here. Is it time to give that all up and walk away from it? Even when I do go, I know my fingers will always dabble here in Nashville. There are too many good friends and people here. Plus, I love zipping around on the streets and roads just because I know my way around so well in most areas of this town.
While I re-evaluate I continue to struggle with where I want to be and how to make it happen. Over the course of the next year I will be setting myself up to get prepared for a big move. Maybe it will be Wisconsin, or maybe it will be somewhere else. Regardless, during this time I need to prepare my little ducks and get them in order. Then, in 12 months when I step back to see where life has gotten me, I will know hopefully what I need to do next.
I miss getting up and stepping outside to walk out to my chickens. Going back inside the house and making breakfast to get the day started. I miss looking out the window to look over the country side. Sleeping in my big bed, cooking in a kitchen, laying out all the items for making cookies on the kitchen table.
Missing these things has gotten me to a pathway where I am coming to realize this runway show I am doing is not as important to me as it once was. As I love photography, I have come to learn the editing process is my least favorite. Hopefully, that one detail is not enough to make me quit pursuing it. My heart longs for less stress, a more quiet life, and yet part of me enjoys the comforts I have come to get acquainted with by being near a city setting. Though while I was living in the country a year and a half ago, I made due quite well, and I loved it.
Here I am, one who is able to adapt to her surroundings, has become comfortable in big city living. Yet, I am torn to stay, go, continue to make deep sacrifices to make my dreams come true, to give up or to just move home. Is a life in the country waiting ahead for me, or do I need to make the steps happen to get things in motion for me?
I don't know the answers. I don't know exactly what it is I should do. For now, the plan is to back off from photography, continue to write as much as I can and see where this new job I have started can take me. I am hoping in two or three months I will be full time with the company. From there I want to get some savings built up, get my credit built up, get my truck fixed. Once my truck is running solid I want to go and visit some friends I have not seen in a while. Travel to see the ocean a couple times, maybe even the wild horses in North Carolina. Then start up the plan to relocate to Wisconsin.
I'm not sure what the future holds for me. I also do not know what will come along from today until a few months from now. Maybe something will change my wind direction and take me somewhere else, somewhere new? Maybe Chad will finally come visit me like he has said he would, or maybe he will fade away. Maybe my photography will pick up and I will book more sessions, possibly some even out of state?
Until these "maybe's" turn into something of substance, I have to deal with today. Today consists of stress and hope for the life I have wanted for so long to be at my fingertips.
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