While writing this evening I over heard a conversation at Panera between two women. One was discussing how she took a chance on
getting to know a guy she found to be attractive. Over the duration of 18 months she would
invite him to go do thing occasionally.
They would drift apart and then back together, she just let things
develop as they may. She didn’t put pressure
on it, then after not hearing from him for several months he contacted
her. They began to spend time together,
became a couple and now they are engaged to be married. It took three years – but they found each
other and looking forward to where things will take them in life.
Their discussion also went into how a partner needs to be beneficial to you. How one should keep in mind with in a partnership to think of the other
person before you think of yourself.
One of the women brought up a mutual friend of theirs who was dating someone. She spoke how this friend was someone who loves to dance, move and enjoy the music. She further stated how her boyfriend
won’t even try to dance with her and she asked her, "what are you doing with him"? She expressed how her friend does all these weird
things that he wants to go out and do, yet he won’t make the effort to even try
to dance with her. This woman that was being
referenced would state how it hurt her heart and when she discussed it the
couple would end up in a big fight. The woman further went on stating how he
can convince her that dancing is bad, and her friend is worried that she will
lose herself. That she is weird, fun, creative
and expressive person. This man in her
life tries to keep her in a box and squander her creative personality. Isn't it interesting how we come across these individuals we date and fall in love with who are not right and unhealthy for us. Love is not easy. Love, at least for me is hard. Finding that right mate is an interesting challenge and often I wonder if it is easier to give up and be alone than try to find someone who is good for me.
These two women also spoke about how at some time in our
lives we need to be okay with having love in our life. How we need to accept that it is okay to be loved
and we deserve to be loved. It is a risk
we need to be willing to take to go after love.
Maybe it won’t work out, then we need to find a way to move on. Or we need to learn how to be without. As we move on we find a strength within us we
didn’t know was there before. While
break ups suck and they are painful, we can find an ability to grow as a
person, it shapes who we are as a person.
I went through an extremely painful break up 18 months ago, within a couple months healing began to take place. At the time I desperately wanted that time to pass quickly so I would no longer hurt. My love for playing my fiddle was overcome by the pain I faced and I would burst into tears just picking up my violin case. However, there was that bittersweet day when I was able to pick up that case, open it, tune my fiddle and play. While my heart ached as I pulled the bow across the strings, it was a step towards a healthier life for me. Then there was the healing day when I left a photography club meeting and drove down the interstate with great relief knowing I would not be yelled at when I got in for the night. It was a moment of empowerment where I could realize that I was better off without than with someone who did not appreciate me.
At the time I forced myself to make peace that I would never be with anyone ever again. The thought of taking the risk to experience being yelled at, physically threatened, physically hit, verbally and emotionally bashed was not a path I was willing to take. There was a dark day in my life when I had to look myself in the mirror and accept I was in a verbally abusive relationship. There was another dark day when I had to realize I did not know how to get out.
Then it all came crashing down one day when I walked into the home, happy to greet my boyfriend I loved so much-and was trying so hard to make the relationship work. Instead of a return of joy, I was asked to sit down because we had to talk. It was at this time the man who I loved broke my heart, kicked me out of our house (I had no where to go) & was firing me from my job (I worked for him). While I packed to get out of the house he became very aggressive. Once out of the home he continued to badger and threaten me. I unfortunately needed to get a lawyer to get him to leave me alone. Against the request of my lawyer, family and friends I never did put the restraining order on him-a decision I often regret.
I went through an extremely painful break up 18 months ago, within a couple months healing began to take place. At the time I desperately wanted that time to pass quickly so I would no longer hurt. My love for playing my fiddle was overcome by the pain I faced and I would burst into tears just picking up my violin case. However, there was that bittersweet day when I was able to pick up that case, open it, tune my fiddle and play. While my heart ached as I pulled the bow across the strings, it was a step towards a healthier life for me. Then there was the healing day when I left a photography club meeting and drove down the interstate with great relief knowing I would not be yelled at when I got in for the night. It was a moment of empowerment where I could realize that I was better off without than with someone who did not appreciate me.
At the time I forced myself to make peace that I would never be with anyone ever again. The thought of taking the risk to experience being yelled at, physically threatened, physically hit, verbally and emotionally bashed was not a path I was willing to take. There was a dark day in my life when I had to look myself in the mirror and accept I was in a verbally abusive relationship. There was another dark day when I had to realize I did not know how to get out.
Then it all came crashing down one day when I walked into the home, happy to greet my boyfriend I loved so much-and was trying so hard to make the relationship work. Instead of a return of joy, I was asked to sit down because we had to talk. It was at this time the man who I loved broke my heart, kicked me out of our house (I had no where to go) & was firing me from my job (I worked for him). While I packed to get out of the house he became very aggressive. Once out of the home he continued to badger and threaten me. I unfortunately needed to get a lawyer to get him to leave me alone. Against the request of my lawyer, family and friends I never did put the restraining order on him-a decision I often regret.
In November, after the Nunley Mountain
cave trip I attended my friends began to tell me how I needed to be open to
love again. I responded with great
hesitation and distaste. I had put
myself in the category of “being alone forever” and fear took over reminding me
of the behavior I experienced.
Conversations with my friends would return stating how I had a good
heart, I was a good person and I needed to open myself to it and date
again. *gasp* Dating.
Oh how I hate dating, it is awkward, it is uncomfortable and I don’t
know how to do it well.
Looking around I didn’t see much for prospects and I am not one to ask someone out. Anytime I have ever asked a boy or man out it has not gone well. The answer has always been no and as hesitant as I was to step into the dating world, walking into rejection was not something that interested me. A dear friend had been actively dating with men she had met online, so I approached her about it. She first directed me to craigslist. This lead to a few dates with men who I was keeping casual. Some didn’t call again and others I finally drifted away from not wanting to get serious. One night while out with this online dating friend she introduced me to OKCupid. Within less than a week a man contacted me asking me if I wanted to chat. I accepted and this has lead to over three weeks of continuous conversation. I find myself intrigued and curious. I have not met him yet as he is a truck driver and on the road. Unfortunately, I am quite interested in this man. Why would this be unfortunate? Because I did not know with the OKCupid app, it changes your location if you travel. When we first began to chat his location was Ashland City, TN. My sensors went up, as I found it interesting this attractive man, who lives in Ashland City, wanted to talk to me. I began to talk to him and it wasn’t until several days later I found out he was not from Ashland City at all, but instead West Virginia. The past few days I had to accept that I am attracted to this person. He makes me nervous as I am not sure how much of what he says is truth. After all we are online and anyone can be whoever they want to be online. There is also a worry that he could be talking to many other women and just leading me on. Thursday night we got into a pretty deep conversation which could have ended our potential path of “what could happen”? Realizing I said to much I walked into my Thursday night Zumba class with sadness. I suck at dating and I had fucked up. The last message I had received from him stated, “maybe we need to slow down” Slow down, how can we slow down when we haven’t even met one another? While in my Zumba class as I was punching the air, twisting and jumping I made peace that God is in charge of what is happening. If I had screwed up then I was suppose to screw up to close the door on this man which would open the door to someone else. While in class I had come up with a calm and passive thought that I would pass along to him and let the cards lie where they may. After class I sent him the message. Still bummed about my actions I drove to the gym to get a few minutes on a treadmill. He wrote back pretty quickly stating he was concerned about what could happen. I inquired what he meant by “what could happen”? He replied, if things don’t work out he didn’t want to see me get hurt. This set something off in me, and I wrote how he couldn’t break me. How I was not a flower, but a woman. I stated I may be soft and sensitive, but no one would ever get me down. I explained how I relocated 900 miles to end up having someone cheat on me for six months. I was able to overcome that heartache. How if I can over come having someone who broke my heart and with all his power and might tried to destroy me as a person, then I can take anything. Further stated how these things make me stronger. If I get hurt, I boo hoo, pick myself up and move forward.
Then I followed it with how I am a half glass full kind of person and what if things did work out? How I am not a side lines kind of gal. Instead I am the kind of girl who would rather take a risk and live her life. I was surprised by his response, “k, let’s see what happens. K?”
Why not – so I responded, “let’s see what happens”
This is a long distance relationship starting with an online presence with no idea when we will see one another. Is that stupid? Maybe setting ourselves up for failure? I don’t know. But, what I do know is how I feel when his name shows up on my phone. How I react when I talk with him. Why not take a chance? Maybe I will end up broken hearted and rejected. I won’t know unless I try. So, with both feet I have jumped in and now only time will tell what is meant to happen.
Looking around I didn’t see much for prospects and I am not one to ask someone out. Anytime I have ever asked a boy or man out it has not gone well. The answer has always been no and as hesitant as I was to step into the dating world, walking into rejection was not something that interested me. A dear friend had been actively dating with men she had met online, so I approached her about it. She first directed me to craigslist. This lead to a few dates with men who I was keeping casual. Some didn’t call again and others I finally drifted away from not wanting to get serious. One night while out with this online dating friend she introduced me to OKCupid. Within less than a week a man contacted me asking me if I wanted to chat. I accepted and this has lead to over three weeks of continuous conversation. I find myself intrigued and curious. I have not met him yet as he is a truck driver and on the road. Unfortunately, I am quite interested in this man. Why would this be unfortunate? Because I did not know with the OKCupid app, it changes your location if you travel. When we first began to chat his location was Ashland City, TN. My sensors went up, as I found it interesting this attractive man, who lives in Ashland City, wanted to talk to me. I began to talk to him and it wasn’t until several days later I found out he was not from Ashland City at all, but instead West Virginia. The past few days I had to accept that I am attracted to this person. He makes me nervous as I am not sure how much of what he says is truth. After all we are online and anyone can be whoever they want to be online. There is also a worry that he could be talking to many other women and just leading me on. Thursday night we got into a pretty deep conversation which could have ended our potential path of “what could happen”? Realizing I said to much I walked into my Thursday night Zumba class with sadness. I suck at dating and I had fucked up. The last message I had received from him stated, “maybe we need to slow down” Slow down, how can we slow down when we haven’t even met one another? While in my Zumba class as I was punching the air, twisting and jumping I made peace that God is in charge of what is happening. If I had screwed up then I was suppose to screw up to close the door on this man which would open the door to someone else. While in class I had come up with a calm and passive thought that I would pass along to him and let the cards lie where they may. After class I sent him the message. Still bummed about my actions I drove to the gym to get a few minutes on a treadmill. He wrote back pretty quickly stating he was concerned about what could happen. I inquired what he meant by “what could happen”? He replied, if things don’t work out he didn’t want to see me get hurt. This set something off in me, and I wrote how he couldn’t break me. How I was not a flower, but a woman. I stated I may be soft and sensitive, but no one would ever get me down. I explained how I relocated 900 miles to end up having someone cheat on me for six months. I was able to overcome that heartache. How if I can over come having someone who broke my heart and with all his power and might tried to destroy me as a person, then I can take anything. Further stated how these things make me stronger. If I get hurt, I boo hoo, pick myself up and move forward.
Then I followed it with how I am a half glass full kind of person and what if things did work out? How I am not a side lines kind of gal. Instead I am the kind of girl who would rather take a risk and live her life. I was surprised by his response, “k, let’s see what happens. K?”
Why not – so I responded, “let’s see what happens”
This is a long distance relationship starting with an online presence with no idea when we will see one another. Is that stupid? Maybe setting ourselves up for failure? I don’t know. But, what I do know is how I feel when his name shows up on my phone. How I react when I talk with him. Why not take a chance? Maybe I will end up broken hearted and rejected. I won’t know unless I try. So, with both feet I have jumped in and now only time will tell what is meant to happen.
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