Yesterday, I had to put my foot down and stand up for myself in this online relationship which has been developing between me and Chad. All I could get out of this man when I discussed with him the option of a phone call was, "maybe". Prodding further he confessed he does not like to talk on the phone. I explained to him that it was what I needed from him if we were to make this into a relationship. Our conversation ended early and I went to bed with a heavy heart.
This morning I messaged him and said "good morning" and wished him a good day. I noticed he read it right away, but I did not hear back from him. My heart gradually grew heavier and heavier as the day went on and by the time I left work I was in tears. I knew I was taking a risk getting to know someone online, however, I found myself really into this man. I tried to tell myself to just forget about him, and at a light I was texting my sweet and amazing friend Ernie confiding that I had not heard from Chad and I was sad. Then the tears began to flow. I sat in my friends driveway crying and telling myself I was so stupid and that he was not who he had been saying who he was to me.
Finally, at the gym I sent him a message that simply said, "you've been quiet today" and I left it at that with my efforts. While on the treadmill several minutes went by and I began to tell myself I had to accept this was not going to happen. I had already prayed to God asking Him to please just let this for once work out and let me have a good man in my life. I am ready for this next stage in my life and I have been incredibly curious to see where Chad could fit into my life.
Several more minutes went by and I noticed the red light on my phone blinking. He wrote back. "busy. pissed" I asked what was going on. Turns out as he was getting loaded he discovered his trailer brake lights were not working. Therefore, he could not go anywhere until they got the trailer fixed. He was at a garage in West Virginia and his load needed to get to South Carolina, so he would not be going home this weekend. I asked if there was anything I could do to try and make his situation better. He replied with, "no I am just in one of my moods". Not knowing how to react to this I wanted to be respectful and followed with, "Want me to leave you alone"? To be honest I felt like my heart was in a balance wondering what his response would be. When you are having a bad day out on the road sometimes a distraction is not what you need. A smile was brought to my face when he replied, "No, ur good" He wanted to talk to me, which made my heart sing.
This conversation finally lead to me asking if there was a chance for us to see one another. His reply was hopeful and I finally asked if he would be up for a suggestion. When he replied with "What is it?" I put it out there and asked if he would be interested in meeting half way and getting a hotel for the weekend.
I was surprised by his response. Turns out he has been thinking of coming to see me. Apparently he has an option to request where he goes for the weekend and was going to ask his company to let him take a load to Nashville! I pressed for more information regarding this and he told me that he would be in town Friday and would not have to get his load to its destination until Monday. Therefore, we could spend the entire weekend together.
He has been thinking of me and wanting to come and see me. God has answered a prayer. I would like to think it is possible for me to have the entire package in life. A successful photography business, a successful writing career and a loving man in my life.
Talking to Ernie about this before, during and after talking to Chad I was deeply moved by her incredibly kind words. She first she replied to my comments to her:
La: "Sometimes I feel I'm one of those people who wont' get to. Like-me wanting to "have it all with a great career, good man, house and property" the dream
Ernie: "You will. I believe it and speak it into existence"
Who is so fortunate and blessed to have such amazing kindness and good sent to God and the Universe like that in life?
She then replied: "I mean every word too!!! You are awesome. Loving. Generous. Kind. Selfless. Conscientious. A man should be honored to have you in his life."
When I read that I burst into tears. My heart was bursting, my cup floweth over
"You're my friend and deserve only the best"
From having a heavy heart to high hopes of a visit from this man I have met online. I never thought of myself as being an online dating person. Yet, with the way life has evolved, it is a great way to meet someone. I have dated a few men I have met online, one I got into a very bizarre relationship with off and on for over a year. It feels really good to have a man who has found me and wants to drive across the country to see me. I am fortunate he has a career in which will allow him the opportunity to travel where he wants.
He told me he cannot make this request while he has a trainee with him. I asked how soon he would be putting in his request once the trainee was gone and I brightened up by his reply: "ASAP". It cannot get any more clear than that to me.
There has been a change in the wind with Chad. Maybe a change that was brought on by prayer, possibly fate. Only time will tell. Until then, I can at least go to sleep tonight knowing I get to meet this man in person soon and feel his arms around me.
Maybe I will be able to find my way to having it all...
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