Puffy Face
Today is day three of having my face swollen from crying. How bad does it suck to have an incredible, amazing, attractive man stand in front of you who says, "I have feelings for you, but I need to work on me and I can't be what you need right now"
Great, that is just fantastic.
How is it that I go onto an online dating site, meet a great guy who wants to be in a relationship, but doesn't want to date anyone.
I can't help but look at the swelling in my face and under my eyes and wonder how many more wrinkles this is going to cause and create. Great, age me some more, make me look worse.
I'm just broken and at a complete loss. I give up. I do, I can't keep doing this, the rejection, the hurt, the getting the hopes up, trying to do the right thing, trying to maintain balance with my approach.
I don't have enough in me anymore.
I miss Phillip's Mom and his dog...I miss Phillip, but that just can't matter anymore. Would love to be talking with his Mom and playing or snuggling up with Bankman, who is such a great dog.
Yesterday I went out and checked out the dogs at the Humane Society. I found a Mountain Cur/Greyhound mix with a beautiful brindle coat. My roommate has said no to me having the dog at the house, so I am coming up with a plan B. Heading over there shortly to see if she is still available or not...then the planning will continue.
I'm just tired of constantly and always doing things by myself. Since that doesn't seem to ever gonna change, I would like to at least have a dog to pal around with and need something sweet, snuggly, calm and quiet. Something that will like to ride in my truck and go to horse shows with me. Since I can't have Bankman, I am going to look into getting my own dog.
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