A Song
I was on assignment on Saturday with two equine events. I finished up with an Equine Massage Clinic and headed off to an arena for a horse show. While at the show during a break I was wandering between checking out the venue and sitting going through photos I had taken. During this break a song came on and it brought over such a strong emotion. It was a song which made me want to just sit down because I just knew if I tried to leave the facility, I would only hear it echoing through the barns.
It brought this heaviness of sadness. Honestly, I couldn't even tell you the name of the song right now. However, I can tell you I had to put mind over matter while it played. It made me think about Mister Memphis and made me wonder why he just up and disappeared. How our conversation was so interesting, captivating and fun and then it was over. While I have prayed about this as I just want to understand. Because it leaves me wondering and a little hurt and sad. I just have to believe he was removed so the person who I am meant to be with can have his spot.
Out of curiosity I tried calling Mister Memphis by using *67 before I dialed his number. I was curious to see if he would answer (even though he is suppose to be at work) and if it worked. It worked, it rang and went into his voicemail. I didn't leave a message. Part of me wonders if it is even worth my time trying to get in touch with him or even pursue this as I cannot help but think I will only bring myself hurt. Even though it hurts and makes me sad that I have no answer and lack understanding, it is beyond my control. As Theresa pointed out to me, I don't need to waste my time on someone who does not want to spend their time on me.
There is something about music which can have such a powerful force on a person. It can take you back to a certain point and time in your life. For instance, when I hear "Amarillo by Morning" by George Strait or even just think of that song I am taken back to rodeo arenas. When I was involved with rodeo I don't recall one rodeo I attended where that song wasn't played. So it is thick in my memory and it takes me back to the behind the scenes of the gates, panels, trailers, cattle and horses, everything that makes up a rodeo. Not a rodeo from an attendee perspective, but the rodeo where you are hearing all the sounds of getting ready for the performance. Gates slamming, rodeo announcer speaking, rodeo contractor and staff moving around, the natural noises that take place while people are getting ready.
For some reason, "Drink a Beer" by Luke Bryan is a song to this day I cannot handle listening to and don't think I ever will be able to listen. It is a song which will forever keep me away from his concerts.
There are certain songs which will play from when I was in college and I can go back to that point and time. "Breakfast at Tiffany's", I recall singing that with my friend Nicole as we walked from the Student Center cafeteria with our lunch on trays as we made our way to the theatre building. Other songs take me back to when I was a delivery driver for Pizza Hut. Then there was today, it made me sad, made me realize I needed to push it away so I could concentrate on my work. I don't know if I could explain it all, but it really reminded me the power of a song.
This entire dating process isn't fun, it has me going through so many different thoughts, feelings, conversations as I try and find myself someone. I can only hope this entire process will be worth it and I will find someone amazing.
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