Steve
Yesterday I got to thinking about the "OnTour" guy I met online. I don't know why he continues to cross my mind. He hasn't spoken to me in a couple of weeks. Why is it I want the guy who does not want me? Why can't the guy I am really, really interested in be the one who is crazy about me, wants to get to know me and talk and text me? Yet, instead, silence. It makes me wonder if he is on the road, if he is home, what his life is like and if he found someone.
I can't help but think whoever ends up with him will be one incredible woman. Then I hope for his sake she appreciates him and treats him right. I would love to be that woman who was waiting for him when he got home off the road. Yet, it doesn't seem like it is an option for me. If only he would give me a shot and just try to get to know me. However, for some reason I am 100% off his radar and there is zero interest in me from him. Why does that bother me so much and why do I keep having him pop up in my mind?
Along with feeling a little down about this handsome man I would like to get to know, I got even more down after attending a birthday party. I found out Sunday, that a mutual friend was celebrating her birthday with friends at a local Mexican restaurant. I know these people and they kindly welcome me in as family. However, they know each other better and love seeing one another. It gets very frustrating to continue over and over to start up or be in the middle of a conversation and get interrupted. I was talking to my roommates Mom, Mary, and another woman was sitting two seats down and kept interrupting us. Where I am sure this woman loves Mary, who doesn't she is wonderful, and wanted to talk to her I wasn't sure how to react to the constant interruption. This happened with someone else who was there, and it happens every time I try to talk to these wonderful people. I don't believe they mean any harm by it, they are too good hearted and kind to ever do anything in any kind of hurtful manner.
I had already placed a food order to go and when it arrived I as politely as I could said good-bye and excused myself. It is really hard to sit in a group of people and feel completely alone. I went to the house and ate my dinner by myself while watching the dreaded Bachelor in Paradise.
I don't know what to make of my day or the emotion I am experiencing. Sometimes I wonder if I just need to be single for a while longer to let myself sort through everything. Who knows if that is the right answer or solution. I'm just trying to do what is right, make good decisions and live life. Yet, time is not stopping or slowing down and even with some exhaustion with the cautious steps I am taking I don't know what is to come. I just hope I can make the best decision to bring me the outcome I desire.
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