Silence
My phone has been silent since I left Phillip's house. I have not heard a thing from him. The two friends who know about him keep telling me to wait and be patient. I get he is getting ready to go back to work, he is dealing with his Mom and I'm sure other things. However, if a guy is interested, he wants to talk to you, wants to see you.
I think I have just been used.
I am not the kind of person to grab my bag, drive an hour to go see a guy. This one was special to me. When I was driving there I did ask myself if I was crazy. But, I hoped he would not see it as a booty call and we could talk and spend some time together. When he told me there were no other girls and he was not talking to anyone else, I really let my guard down. I already was having a difficult time keeping my hands off him. Then that morning he introduced me to his Mom, we held hands while she said grace over our meal. The last two long term relationships, my ex's would not pray with me. Holding his hand while she said a prayer and listening to her words this really sunk into my heart.
To have him come upstairs and tell me how he checked on the traffic for me. The way he would give me sweet little kisses, tap the end of my nose with his finger, wrap his arms around me, I thought this was an incredible man who wanted to be with me. Now, it is this waiting game to see if or when I will hear from him.
Why does this process have to be so hard for me? What have I done so wrong? I try really hard to be a good person. If love isn't going to work for me, then why do I have to want to be in a relationship so badly? I'm not willing to be with just anyone. I'm pretty selective on who I will go out with so for me to get up, text you, want you to call me, and drive to go see you...that is a big deal. Allowing myself to be intimate with him was a big deal to me, I don't ever do something in that manner. I can control myself and have for quite some time, I'm human, I have needs, but that doesn't mean I slut it up. It means I wait for the right person.
I'm just hoping this man who has me waiting is someone worth waiting for and hopefully I will hear from him soon.
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