TROLL MAN
Yes, that is the title for today's chapter in my search for a relationship.
A couple days ago I received a message from a guy on POF (Plenty of Fish). This was disheartening as I am not attracted to this individual. Why is it that the guys I am attracted to and would love to go out with are not the ones who want to connect back with me? I look at this individual and all I can think is how he resembles a troll. Is that horrible? I mean...come on...do I have to absolutely, positively give up this early in the game that I have a right to be physically attracted to a man? A married friend of mine said because this is only one photo, maybe I should not discount him so quickly. However, I can't even picture myself wanting to sit across a table for a meal with this person with the idea of possibly dating him. Why waste my time his time if there is positively, absolutely no interest in him what so ever?
It really makes me question if I will have to settle to find someone? I don't necessarily go after men who I think are out of my league or more attractive than a perfectly groomed Ken doll. However, I would like to think it is acceptable for me to have some physical attraction to the man I want to be in a relationship with in my life. I don't want to wake up, roll over and groan with dissatisfaction and regret as I see my boyfriend in bed with me. I want to see him and be excited about him, be drawn to him. Someone I want to kiss and love on while we cuddle up on the couch or under the sheets.
After spending some time crying I realized I may not be ready to quite jump into the dating scene. I'm taking a few days off to just compose myself and reassess the situation. I feel I need to just step back a bit and refocus my energy. Getting upset and crying over someone who is rejecting me or due to the feeling of hopelessness made me realize I need to just breathe for a minute. No, I don't like the idea of starting over, but I want to be in the most stable and best emotional state for someone. I want to be more confident in myself, and more acceptable of when I don't get a response to an email. If this is going to be as long of a road as I think it will be, this is not where I want to be emotionally as I take my first few steps.
I have deleted Troll Man from my messages on POF, because looking at him was just too much for me to bear at this point and time. Sorry, Troll Man...I'm not the girl for you.
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