Feeling Lost
I am not sure why I am still hung up on this guy, Phillip. This past Sunday marked two weeks since I heard from him. Is it because I slept with him? Is it because of all the things he said to me? I'm not sure. I just know I have been in quite an interesting state, almost a tailspin for two weeks now.
It is interesting how things can change in just one month. A month ago I was on cloud nine with this Phillip guy...he was into me, he was texting me, calling me, sharing things about his life with me.
Then he loses his job and where he was already depressed, he pulls back. Granted I do that too, as do majority of my friends. I tried to be passive while supportive...now I miss him so much. I miss his Mom and his dog.
For quite some time I have been feeling lost. I feel like my time in Nashville is coming to an end. Yet, I don't know where I would go, so I stay and make the best of it. After all, one needs to bloom where you are planted. I heard a very profound statement by my friend Winter the other day.
"The truth is, you are still here. So, go and do something with your day to show God you appreciate it."
I don't know what to do. I'm waking up in the middle of the night, thinking of Phillip. I fall asleep praying about him and for his Mom's well being. I also pray for my friends and family and the blessings in my life. I wake up wondering what the purpose is and what I should be doing. Right now my focus is and has been to get out of debt. Find a different place to live and possibly kids. It is the beginning stage of the 'kid' planning, but the thought is in the forefront of my mind right now.
I keep praying that I will find direction...that God will show me the way.
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