It is April. Where is this year going? We are already four months in, wasn't yesterday January? I swear I was just starting this blog with this crazy idea of writing a post a day. Which, has ended up being a bit more challenging than I was expecting. Having things be unsettled, up rooted, and not quite secure in life has added to this challenge. When will life ever make sense? Is that possible? Are there people out there who are living the dream, with no worries, concerns or thoughts towards how life will get better, because they are already there?
I'm not sure I am in the position to meet those people. Ha, ha.
Yet, here I am, frustrated knowing a certain someone in my past never even faced a glitch in their life. They didn't have to worry about such things of trying to find a job, a place to live, shower, a bed, its ridiculous. Each day when I was at my most hurt, frustrated and pissed, I worked to free all of that to God. Pass it along to a higher power who is bigger and stronger than me. It is just really hard to know that individuals life was never affected.
Don't get me wrong, I was blessed with the awakening even with the struggle I have endured I am 100% better without that person. I can rejoice in my own happiness instead of being beat down. I can celebrate that I am healthier emotionally, mentally and physically. Life is better without a negative force pushing me deeper and deeper into the depth of my own misery. When I would pop up from the misery and display joy I would be beaten down until I returned to the cellar of unhappiness.
Last year was rough. I faced a dark place in life that I am not proud of experiencing. When people find out they are shocked and wonder why I didn't say anything. One, I am a private person, even by putting this blog out there every single day I love my privacy. This blog is not always easy to do because it has put me in a place where I am opening up publicly that I'm not always quite ok with, but I take the steps in hopes maybe it will help someone else. Two, what I went through is not something I am proud of and prefer to keep that to myself. Three, I wanted to maintain respect towards the other person even though they lacked ALL respect to me. It kind of says something when not only your friends, Mother, but your lawyer tells you- 'you are being too respectful to him'. I wanted God to handle it and I did what I could to pass it off to Him. God can do more than I ever can, and He can do more than any restraining order or police force is able to do.
While I am still recovering, struggling, frustrated at times. I am thankful I have my chickens, my health and was able to find joy and enjoy the gift of laughter.
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