I am disappointed in myself to say...I am hooked on a show. This show has been on for years and I have been so glad I have not watched in quite some time. It is the Bachelor. Ug! It is painful for me to admit to it. Yet, the man is a guy from Iowa and he is a farmer seeking love. I was hooked just because he was from the Midwest. Goodness gracious what is wrong with me.
Yet, this has become my guilty pleasure and I have been watching it on Hulu. There is just something about the hopes this guy really does find love. I think another part of it is that it gives me hope that it is okay for me to want love in my life. This is something I have struggled with for years. I have felt from different times in my life I am not worthy of it. I want to be, and I want to have what others have in their lives. Mostly, I want to be ok with wanting it. Part of me feels like I should not want it, that I am not good enough for it. It is a battle I face. This show I think feeds that "its ok" aspect that resides within me. If a man can be on camera on a nationally syndicated show and openly say, "I want love" why can't I accept it in my own life?
IF it is possible, if it is ok for me, then I hope whoever that person may be, I hope he is a good person. I am so tired of letting myself step into a situation of hope and desire to have it turn ugly. Hopefully I have learned from my past mistakes in life and in relationships and be a better person for the next one. Time will tell what will all come of my life in the love department. There is a particular person I am quite curious about and often think about, wonder where things may be going if going at all?
Time will also tell who Mr. Iowa will choose for his bride...stay tuned...hopefully it will be good. If he truly does desire love, then I hope he is blessed with it in his life, he seems like a nice, kind and genuine person.
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